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  • We All Half Our Favorites

    | Ohio, USA | Family & Kids

    (My friend and I both volunteer at a daycare for school credit. Although we try to act like we don’t while we’re on the clock, we both do have our favorite students.)

    My Friend: “So, who are your favorites?”

    Me: “[Little Girl] and [Little Boy].”

    My Friend: “I’ve met [Little Girl]. She’s a good kid.”

    Me: “Yeah, she’s a sweetie. It took awhile for me and [Little Boy] to warm up to one another, though.”

    My Friend: “Oh, yeah?”

    Me: *laughs* “On my first day, he drew a picture and gave it to me.”

    My Friend: “Aw, that’s so sweet!”

    Me: “It was of him karate-chopping me in half.”

    My Friend: “…”

    Me: “Sometimes, I don’t know if I want to hug that kid or smack him.”

    (This was almost two years ago. The picture hangs on my bedroom wall to this day.)

    He’s A Hair Too Sensitive

    | USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (I am picking up my 4-year-old cousin from daycare. I see a man dragging his daughter behind him; he walks straight to an employee.)

    Father: “I demand to know who was with my daughter earlier!”

    Employee: “Sir, what is the problem?”

    Daughter: “Daddy, nothing was wrong. She just didn’t know.”

    Father: “No! That lady was rude.”

    Employee: “Sir? What lady?”

    Father: “My daughter drew a picture of her family, wrote ‘dad’ above a long haired figure and ‘mom’ above a short haired figure. And that rude lady said she must have it backwards.”

    Employee: “Oh, that. It was just a plain misunderstanding. Pamela saw it and went, ‘Did you write mom and dad on the wrong people?’ Your daughter explained that you did have long hair and mom had short hair. And she was like, ‘Oh,’ but she wasn’t in any way rude.”

    Father: “That’s IT! Your employee assumed that was an error. What is the matter with long haired men and short haired women?”

    Employee: “Sir, nothing is wrong. It was simply a misunderstanding and Pamela meant no harm by it. I can ask her to come out here right now.”

    Father: “Forget it! We’re leaving and not ever coming back. Let’s go!”

    Daughter: “Daddy, you’re being rude!” *to employee* “Sorry!”

    We Will We Will Praise You

    | Ohio, USA | Family & Kids, Religion

    (I volunteer at a daycare. The daycare is very Christian, so we have a Christian radio station playing at all time. A song the teacher likes comes on. Note that it is a very slow “Praise the Lord and His angels”-type song.)

    Teacher: “I like this song!”

    Little girl #1: “Me too! Mommy has it on all the time!”

    Teacher: “What about you, [Little girl #2]? Do you know this song?”

    Little Girl #2: “No, but I know ‘We Will Rock You.’”

    Teacher: “Um—”

    Me: “Close enough.”

    March Monthly Roundup: Booze, Beaus, Bongs, Bigots, & Bindings

    , , , , | Not Always Right | Bigotry, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Roundups, Rude & Risque, Underaged

    In addition to our weekly roundups, each month we’ll be sharing our most popular reader-voted stories.

    March Monthly Roundup: This month, we share five stories that show that customers can be bad, but at least they’re not boring!

    1. She Fought The Law, And The Law Won, Part 2:
      Think you’re going to buy booze for your underaged, 16-year-old daughter? Not on this liquor store employee’s watch!
    2. When Press Comes To Shove:
      A blustery customer counts on berating an employee to get his way; what he didn’t count on: the employee’s 6’5″, 250-lb. fiance waiting in the back.
    3. The Height Of (Mt.) Misogyny:
      Misogynists really should go jump off a cliff, but this sexist customer probably couldn’t make it to the top anyway.
    4. Weeding Out The Dumb Ones, Part 2:
      Either this guy’s in the wrong shop, or those are the LARGEST. BONGS. EVER.
    5. So Good She Doesn’t Need A Weapon:
      A little girl learns that although diamonds are forever, mommy’s handcuffs are for her eyes only.

    So Good She Doesn’t Need A Weapon

    | New Jersey, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    Little girl: “My mom seems unemployed, but I think she’s some kind of secret agent.”

    Me: “Why?”

    Little girl: “I found handcuffs in her drawer behind the makeup. I can never find her gun or anything else, though.”

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