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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Eastern Standard Time Travelers

    | Oregon, USA |

    (I received this call shortly after news broke about the emergency landing of a US Airways flight on the Hudson.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling customer service, how may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Did you hear about the plane that crashed into the Hudson River just a few moments ago?”

    Me: “There was a plane crash? Oh, my… was anyone hurt?”

    Customer: “No, they all lived. I’m surprised you haven’t heard about it yet. Where are you located?”

    Me: “Well, I don’t have access to a television to see the current news. I am in Oregon.”

    Customer: “Well, no wonder you haven’t heard of it happening yet. It happened in New York, which is 3 hours ahead of you!”

    You Get Who You Pay For

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like to dispute a charge on my bill.”

    Me: “Yes, certainly. Which charge would you like to dispute?”

    Customer: “There should be a charge on February 22nd for $2000.”

    Me: “The one for ‘Gentlemen’s Club’?”

    Customer: “Yes, that’s the one I’d like to dispute.”

    Me: “And what’s the reason for the dispute?”

    Customer: “…do you need to know?”

    Me: “Without a reason, we cannot submit a proper dispute.”

    Customer: “Um…OK, well, it was a business trip…and, um…I wanted to hire…um…an escort for a client. Not for me, for a client! For the night. And we weren’t pleased with her, um, services. Which isn’t to say that she didn’t provide services! I’m just saying that it wasn’t the service we…well, the service we…. It wasn’t what we expected.”

    Me: “…all right. I’ll transfer you to our disputes department for further assistance.”

    I Think We’ve Found The Problem

    , | Concord, CA, USA |

    Me: *on the phone with a customer* “I can have a repairman out there in 2 days to fix your dishwasher.”

    Customer: “Two days? TWO DAYS?! What am I going to do with the dishes in the meantime?!”

    Me: *jokingly “For $10 a day I’ll come out and wash them.”

    Customer: “Ok, great! Can I put that on my store card?”

    Me: “Um…I was just kidding, ma’am.”

    Customer: *angrily* “Let me talk to your manager!”

    (After my boss speaks with the customer, he comes over to talk to me.)

    Boss: “Did you tell the customer you would wash her dishes?”

    Me: “I was just joking!”

    Boss: “NEVER joke with a customer. Customers have NO sense of humor. None.”

    Occam’s Razor Phone

    | Colorado, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling **** Mobile Customer Service, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, there’s something wrong with my phone. It won’t take pictures.”

    Me: “Is it a camera phone?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Land That I Love

    | Seattle, WA, USA |

    (I received this call from a customer requesting web site support.)

    Customer: “I want to order from you, but it says that my state is ‘Invalid’!”

    Me: “What state are you putting in?”

    Customer: “‘The Great State Of Texas’!”

    Me: “Are you putting that whole phrase in the box?”

    Customer: “Well, it ran out of room after the ‘t’ and the ‘h’.”

    Me: “When you put in the state on our site, you need to use the 2-letter state code set up by the United States Post Office.”

    Customer: “What do you mean by that?”

    Me: “The United States Post Office has a code for each state and territory of the United States. Texas would be ‘TX’.”

    Customer: “WHAT?! HOW ARE THEY GOING TO KNOW TO SEND IT TO THE GREAT STATE OF TEXAS IF IT ONLY SAYS ‘TX’?! MY ORDER WOULD BE LOST!”

    Me: “Actually, I’m pretty sure that the United States Post Office would know that ‘TX’ is ‘The Great State Of Texas’….”

    Customer: *types it in* “Oh, look at that – it worked. Can you hold on for a second? I want to call the Post Master of our town and confirm this….”

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