Preparing For The Not-So-Inevitable

| Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “Don’t get upset, okay?”

Me: *confused* “…okay?”

Customer: “Just, please don’t be mad at me.”

Me: “Um, all right.”

Customer: “I like your hair.”

Me: “Thanks.”

Customer: “It’s a compliment.”

Me: “I know. Thanks.”

Customer: “So, don’t get mad.”

Me: “Okay…”

Not So Good After All

| GA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Can I make my payment on Friday?”

Me: “We’re closed on Good Friday, since Easter is Sunday.”

Customer: “Good Friday is on a Friday?!”

The Router To Success, Part 2

| Chicago, Il, USA | Technology, Uncategorized

Me: “Good morning, can I help you?”

Customer: “I cant seem to connect to the server.”

Me: “No problem, I have to ask if you’re able to see if all the cables are connected properly and the computer is functioning properly.”

Customer: “Are you trying to imply that I am stupid? That I can’t tell if something isn’t plugged in? I don’t want to talk to you! I want to speak to your manager!”

Me: “Sir I am in fact the manager, and I meant no disrespect. This is step one in our problem solving protocol.”

Customer: “So will you come here and fix my problem?”

Me: “I have noticed that you have not signed or returned your service agreement and I will be forced to charge you $100 for an onsite repair.”

Customer: “That’s fine, it must be broken. Get here as soon as you can.”

(Two hours of driving in traffic later…)

Me: “Sir, I have found your problem.”

Customer: “Oh, and what do you have to repair?”

Me: “Nothing, your router was unplugged.”

Related:
The Router To Success

1-900-WAR-PATH

| Texas, USA | Top

Me: “Thank you for calling [phone company]. How may I help you today?”

Female caller: “I’ve got this charge on my phone bill for almost $200, and I didn’t call that number.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, that’s not a problem. Let me get you phone number and I will pull up your bill.”

Female caller: *gives phone number*

Me: “Okay, I see one phone call to [phone number] for a total of close to $200. What I will do is call the number and find out what it is. If they know you, I can not credit you for this; if it is a business number, I also can not credit you for this.”

Female caller: “Well, nobody in this house called that number. It’s just me and my husband, and we don’t know that number!”

(I put her on hold and call the number; it turns out to be a phone sex hotline.)

Me: “Ma’am, thank you for holding. I’m sorry, but that is a business number that charges per minute. They actually added the charge, not ourselves. I can’t credit your account.”

Female caller: “What the f*** do you mean you can’t?! I demand this off my bill!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but they added this charge–not us. They billed it through us to you for calling them.”

(At this point, I can hear her husband is in the background yelling and cussing about it too.)

Female caller: “If you keep saying it’s a business that charged this, what is it?!”

Me: “Um…’Big Girls…Want Your Love’, ma’am…”

Female caller: “What in the h***?! Nobody called that–” *both her and her husband suddenly go quiet*

Me: “…Ma’am?”

Female caller: “I will deal with this b***s**t myself!” *slams down the phone*

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

Telepathic Temper Tantrum

| New Jersey, USA | Top

Caller: *on the phone* “HELLO?”

Me: “Hello, ma’am! What can I help you with?”

(There is a long silence)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, I didn’t quite hear that. Would you please repeat what you just said?”

Caller: “HELLO?”

Me: “…hello, ma’am. What can I help you with?”

(Another long silence.)

Caller: “WELL?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I didn’t hear you again.”

Caller: “That’s because I’m not speaking.”

Me: “…”

Caller: “I’m thinking my question. WHY AREN’T YOU HELPING ME?”

Me: “Ma’am, you need to speak out loud in order for me to help you.”

Caller: “You mean with technology these days you can’t tell what I’m thinking?!”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m afraid I can’t.”

Caller: “YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO TELL WHAT I’M THINKING!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. If you’d like me to help you, you’ll just have to speak it out loud.”

(Another minute of silence.)

Caller: “I JUST MENTALLY CURSED YOU! BUT YOU WOULDN’T KNOW THAT, WOULD YOU?!” *hangs up*

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