The Code Has Three ‘X’s In It

, | USA | Rude & Risque

(I’ve been on the phone for a good ten minutes at this point with a woman in her late 80s who has a strong Southern accent. She has been extremely prim and proper for the entire call.)

Me: “And do you have the offer code?”

Caller: “Offer code? What’s that, dear?”

Me: “It should be printed on the order form near where your name is located.”

Caller: “One moment. Oh, I found it!”

Me: *waits*

Caller: *silence*

Me: “Ma’am, may I have the code please?”

Caller: “Oh, of course, sweetie. It’s F as in ‘f***.’ D as in ‘d***.’ A as in ‘a**.'”

(The caller pauses before continuing, suddenly sounding very smug.)

Caller: “All of which I enjoy a great deal when it comes to my men.”

(I still have no idea how I managed to hold in my laughter until after I finished placing her order.)

There Is A Meth To This Madness

, | Albuquerque, NM, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month, Top, Tourists/Travel

(I live in New Mexico, a state now made famous for ‘Breaking Bad.’ I receive a lot of calls from tourists wanting to see the places where ‘Breaking Bad’ was filmed.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [business name]. My name is [name]; how can I help you?”

Tourist: “Yes, I’d like to find out where Walter White lives.”

Me: “Uh, who?”

Tourist: “Gosh are all you people here stupid? Walter White, the guy who sells meth!”

Me: “Oh, that Walter White. Well, sir, I don’t think you know this but, that’s actually just a TV show. He doesn’t live here.”

Tourist: “NO, YOU’RE LYING! I HEARD FROM A FRIEND THAT IF I COULD MEET HIM, I COULD GET SOME GOOD METH!”

Me: “Okay, sir, well I’m sorry I couldn’t help you. Have a nice day.”

(I hang up, but the tourist calls back within 10 seconds.)

Tourist: “You can’t lie to me; I know you know where he lives! I know you want the good stuff all for yourself.”

Me: “Sir, it’s a TV show; it’s not real. I’m sorry; I don’t know where you can find any drugs, but if you have a problem I can get you a phone number of a company that can help you out.”

Tourist: “NO! I JUST WANT WALTER WHITE’S NUMBER OR ADDRESS! I WANT TO MEET AND TALK WITH HIM!”

Me: “Sir, he’s not real!”

Tourist: “WELL, WHERE DO YOU WORK?! BECAUSE IF HE’S NOT REAL, THEN YOU’RE NOT REAL! AND IF YOU’RE NOT REAL, THEN I GUESS NOTHING IS REAL IN THIS STATE!”

(I go ahead and get my manager and ask him what I should do.)

Tourist: “IS ANYBODY STILL THERE!? WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET SERVICE HERE?!”

Manager: “Sorry about that, sir; I can help you. Sir, you have proven to me that you deserve to come in contact with Mr. White. Here’s his phone number and address.”

(My manager gives the tourist the police precinct phone number and address.)

Manager: “Drive here, and wait outside before giving him a call. Make sure to give him a detailed description of what you want, and what you are driving and wearing.”

Preparing For The Not-So-Inevitable

| Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “Don’t get upset, okay?”

Me: *confused* “…okay?”

Customer: “Just, please don’t be mad at me.”

Me: “Um, all right.”

Customer: “I like your hair.”

Me: “Thanks.”

Customer: “It’s a compliment.”

Me: “I know. Thanks.”

Customer: “So, don’t get mad.”

Me: “Okay…”

Not So Good After All

| GA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Can I make my payment on Friday?”

Me: “We’re closed on Good Friday, since Easter is Sunday.”

Customer: “Good Friday is on a Friday?!”

The Router To Success, Part 2

| Chicago, Il, USA | Technology, Uncategorized

Me: “Good morning, can I help you?”

Customer: “I cant seem to connect to the server.”

Me: “No problem, I have to ask if you’re able to see if all the cables are connected properly and the computer is functioning properly.”

Customer: “Are you trying to imply that I am stupid? That I can’t tell if something isn’t plugged in? I don’t want to talk to you! I want to speak to your manager!”

Me: “Sir I am in fact the manager, and I meant no disrespect. This is step one in our problem solving protocol.”

Customer: “So will you come here and fix my problem?”

Me: “I have noticed that you have not signed or returned your service agreement and I will be forced to charge you $100 for an onsite repair.”

Customer: “That’s fine, it must be broken. Get here as soon as you can.”

(Two hours of driving in traffic later…)

Me: “Sir, I have found your problem.”

Customer: “Oh, and what do you have to repair?”

Me: “Nothing, your router was unplugged.”

Related:
The Router To Success

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