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  • This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 23

    | The Netherlands | Crazy Requests, Money

    Customer: “I have a direct debit, but now you’re charging me extra costs. Why? You can just take the money from my account!”

    Me: “Well we tried twice, but the bank refused the payment. That’s why we sent you two reminders before adding the costs. Did you receive the letters?”

    Customer: “Probably, but I never read your mail because I have a direct debit.”

    Me: “But how are we supposed to let you know something is wrong if you don’t open the mail? We’re not sending you spam; we’re sending you a legitimate message.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but as I said I don’t read them. So, now I feel I don’t have to pay the costs, because I didn’t know the payment failed.”

    Me: “But we told you in the letters that the payment failed. Twice.”

    Customer: “I DON’T READ THEM. You should have let me know!”

    Me: “We did! How else were you expecting to receive our notices?”

    Customer: “I don’t know! I just think the costs shouldn’t be charged.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but the costs are correct. You just told me that you received our letters, but you don’t read them. We let you know that the bill wasn’t paid and stated in our letters when the payment was due to prevent the costs. I am fully willing to discuss payment, but you will have to pay the costs.”

    Customer: “I am not happy about this. I was expecting more from you.”

    Me: “More? What were you expecting besides two letters?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. Just… more…”

    (The customer did end up paying the costs. I’m still wondering to this day what kind of ‘more’ he expected from us.)

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 22
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 21
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 20
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 19
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 18
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 17
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 16
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 15
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 14
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 13
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12

    Fraud-ian Slip

    , | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I work in a call center as a fraud specialist. It is not uncommon to get calls from people trying to contest escort or porn charges as fraud when they’re really not.)

    Caller: “I have a charge on here for over five grand. I didn’t charge that; it’s fraud.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that; I can help with that.”

    (I pull up the charge, and see another charge for a tow truck and parking ticket in the same state the other charges was made.)

    Me: “I see here that the charge is for an escort service, the physical card was present, as well. You have not been traveling, is that correct?”

    Caller: “That’s right, and I have my credit card too.”

    Me: “Sir, thank you for the information. Please hold while I get more information on this merchant.”

    (While the caller is holding, I call the merchant directly. I already know he’s lying, but I have to prove it without calling him a liar. The merchant was not at all surprised, and was delighted to provide me with a copy of his driver’s license, imprint of the card with signature on the sales draft. Not only that, but they even give me the name and room number of the hotel he stayed in when he used their escort service.)

    Me: “Sir, thank you for holding. I found out more about the charge. But I want to go over your last valid charges. Did you recently get a ticket or paid for towing service?”

    Caller: “Yeah, that charge is okay.”

    Me: “Sir, that charge shows the card was swiped, which means you were in that state, right?”

    Caller: “Uh… yeah…”

    Me: “And did you stay at [hotel], room 2058?”

    Caller: “Yeah…”

    Me: “Sir, I contacted the merchant and they verified all of your information, and even offered to send a copy of your driver’s license, and signature. It’s because of that we can’t accept this charge as fraud.”

    Caller: “So what am I supposed to do?”

    Me: “Don’t worry, sir; you still have options. You may still be able to dispute the charge as a billing dispute in the event that you didn’t receive any products or services, or the services were not as agreed upon, or you can contact the merchant directly. Were you not satisfied with the services you received?”

    Caller: *click*

    The Code Has Three ‘X’s In It

    , | USA | Rude & Risque

    (I’ve been on the phone for a good ten minutes at this point with a woman in her late 80s who has a strong Southern accent. She has been extremely prim and proper for the entire call.)

    Me: “And do you have the offer code?”

    Caller: “Offer code? What’s that, dear?”

    Me: “It should be printed on the order form near where your name is located.”

    Caller: “One moment. Oh, I found it!”

    Me: *waits*

    Caller: *silence*

    Me: “Ma’am, may I have the code please?”

    Caller: “Oh, of course, sweetie. It’s F as in ‘f***.’ D as in ‘d***.’ A as in ‘a**.’”

    (The caller pauses before continuing, suddenly sounding very smug.)

    Caller: “All of which I enjoy a great deal when it comes to my men.”

    (I still have no idea how I managed to hold in my laughter until after I finished placing her order.)

    There Is A Meth To This Madness

    , | Albuquerque, NM, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (I live in New Mexico, a state now made famous for ‘Breaking Bad.’ I receive a lot of calls from tourists wanting to see the places where ‘Breaking Bad’ was filmed.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [business name]. My name is [name]; how can I help you?”

    Tourist: “Yes, I’d like to find out where Walter White lives.”

    Me: “Uh, who?”

    Tourist: “Gosh are all you people here stupid? Walter White, the guy who sells meth!”

    Me: “Oh, that Walter White. Well, sir, I don’t think you know this but, that’s actually just a TV show. He doesn’t live here.”

    Tourist: “NO, YOU’RE LYING! I HEARD FROM A FRIEND THAT IF I COULD MEET HIM, I COULD GET SOME GOOD METH!”

    Me: “Okay, sir, well I’m sorry I couldn’t help you. Have a nice day.”

    (I hang up, but the tourist calls back within 10 seconds.)

    Tourist: “You can’t lie to me; I know you know where he lives! I know you want the good stuff all for yourself.”

    Me: “Sir, it’s a TV show; it’s not real. I’m sorry; I don’t know where you can find any drugs, but if you have a problem I can get you a phone number of a company that can help you out.”

    Tourist: “NO! I JUST WANT WALTER WHITE’S NUMBER OR ADDRESS! I WANT TO MEET AND TALK WITH HIM!”

    Me: “Sir, he’s not real!”

    Tourist: “WELL, WHERE DO YOU WORK?! BECAUSE IF HE’S NOT REAL, THEN YOU’RE NOT REAL! AND IF YOU’RE NOT REAL, THEN I GUESS NOTHING IS REAL IN THIS STATE!”

    (I go ahead and get my manager and ask him what I should do.)

    Tourist: “IS ANYBODY STILL THERE!? WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET SERVICE HERE?!”

    Manager: “Sorry about that, sir; I can help you. Sir, you have proven to me that you deserve to come in contact with Mr. White. Here’s his phone number and address.”

    (My manager gives the tourist the police precinct phone number and address.)

    Manager: “Drive here, and wait outside before giving him a call. Make sure to give him a detailed description of what you want, and what you are driving and wearing.”

    Preparing For The Not-So-Inevitable

    | Ontario, Canada |

    Customer: “Don’t get upset, okay?”

    Me: *confused* “…okay?”

    Customer: “Just, please don’t be mad at me.”

    Me: “Um, all right.”

    Customer: “I like your hair.”

    Me: “Thanks.”

    Customer: “It’s a compliment.”

    Me: “I know. Thanks.”

    Customer: “So, don’t get mad.”

    Me: “Okay…”

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