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    There Is A Meth To This Madness

    , | Albuquerque, NM, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (I live in New Mexico, a state now made famous for ‘Breaking Bad.’ I receive a lot of calls from tourists wanting to see the places where ‘Breaking Bad’ was filmed.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [business name]. My name is [name]; how can I help you?”

    Tourist: “Yes, I’d like to find out where Walter White lives.”

    Me: “Uh, who?”

    Tourist: “Gosh are all you people here stupid? Walter White, the guy who sells meth!”

    Me: “Oh, that Walter White. Well, sir, I don’t think you know this but, that’s actually just a TV show. He doesn’t live here.”

    Tourist: “NO, YOU’RE LYING! I HEARD FROM A FRIEND THAT IF I COULD MEET HIM, I COULD GET SOME GOOD METH!”

    Me: “Okay, sir, well I’m sorry I couldn’t help you. Have a nice day.”

    (I hang up, but the tourist calls back within 10 seconds.)

    Tourist: “You can’t lie to me; I know you know where he lives! I know you want the good stuff all for yourself.”

    Me: “Sir, it’s a TV show; it’s not real. I’m sorry; I don’t know where you can find any drugs, but if you have a problem I can get you a phone number of a company that can help you out.”

    Tourist: “NO! I JUST WANT WALTER WHITE’S NUMBER OR ADDRESS! I WANT TO MEET AND TALK WITH HIM!”

    Me: “Sir, he’s not real!”

    Tourist: “WELL, WHERE DO YOU WORK?! BECAUSE IF HE’S NOT REAL, THEN YOU’RE NOT REAL! AND IF YOU’RE NOT REAL, THEN I GUESS NOTHING IS REAL IN THIS STATE!”

    (I go ahead and get my manager and ask him what I should do.)

    Tourist: “IS ANYBODY STILL THERE!? WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET SERVICE HERE?!”

    Manager: “Sorry about that, sir; I can help you. Sir, you have proven to me that you deserve to come in contact with Mr. White. Here’s his phone number and address.”

    (My manager gives the tourist the police precinct phone number and address.)

    Manager: “Drive here, and wait outside before giving him a call. Make sure to give him a detailed description of what you want, and what you are driving and wearing.”

    Preparing For The Not-So-Inevitable

    | Ontario, Canada |

    Customer: “Don’t get upset, okay?”

    Me: *confused* “…okay?”

    Customer: “Just, please don’t be mad at me.”

    Me: “Um, all right.”

    Customer: “I like your hair.”

    Me: “Thanks.”

    Customer: “It’s a compliment.”

    Me: “I know. Thanks.”

    Customer: “So, don’t get mad.”

    Me: “Okay…”

    Not So Good After All

    | GA, USA |

    Customer: “Can I make my payment on Friday?”

    Me: “We’re closed on Good Friday, since Easter is Sunday.”

    Customer: “Good Friday is on a Friday?!”

    The Router To Success, Part 2

    | Chicago, Il, USA | Technology

    Me: “Good morning, can I help you?”

    Customer: “I cant seem to connect to the server.”

    Me: “No problem, I have to ask if you’re able to see if all the cables are connected properly and the computer is functioning properly.”

    Customer: “Are you trying to imply that I am stupid? That I can’t tell if something isn’t plugged in? I don’t want to talk to you! I want to speak to your manager!”

    Me: “Sir I am in fact the manager, and I meant no disrespect. This is step one in our problem solving protocol.”

    Customer: “So will you come here and fix my problem?”

    Me: “I have noticed that you have not signed or returned your service agreement and I will be forced to charge you $100 for an onsite repair.”

    Customer: “That’s fine, it must be broken. Get here as soon as you can.”

    (Two hours of driving in traffic later…)

    Me: “Sir, I have found your problem.”

    Customer: “Oh, and what do you have to repair?”

    Me: “Nothing, your router was unplugged.”

    Related:
    The Router To Success

    1-900-WAR-PATH

    | Texas, USA | Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling [phone company]. How may I help you today?”

    Female caller: “I’ve got this charge on my phone bill for almost $200, and I didn’t call that number.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, that’s not a problem. Let me get you phone number and I will pull up your bill.”

    Female caller: *gives phone number*

    Me: “Okay, I see one phone call to [phone number] for a total of close to $200. What I will do is call the number and find out what it is. If they know you, I can not credit you for this; if it is a business number, I also can not credit you for this.”

    Female caller: “Well, nobody in this house called that number. It’s just me and my husband, and we don’t know that number!”

    (I put her on hold and call the number; it turns out to be a phone sex hotline.)

    Me: “Ma’am, thank you for holding. I’m sorry, but that is a business number that charges per minute. They actually added the charge, not ourselves. I can’t credit your account.”

    Female caller: “What the f*** do you mean you can’t?! I demand this off my bill!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but they added this charge–not us. They billed it through us to you for calling them.”

    (At this point, I can hear her husband is in the background yelling and cussing about it too.)

    Female caller: “If you keep saying it’s a business that charged this, what is it?!”

    Me: “Um…’Big Girls…Want Your Love’, ma’am…”

    Female caller: “What in the h***?! Nobody called that–” *both her and her husband suddenly go quiet*

    Me: “…Ma’am?”

    Female caller: “I will deal with this b***s**t myself!” *slams down the phone*

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

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