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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Time Zone Phone Home

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography

    (The customer places an online order and wants to change some items, but it isn’t showing up yet. I tell the customer to call back in an hour to be able to check it.)

    Customer: “So on what time are you located?”

    Me: “Eastern time.”

    Customer: “So, at what time I have to call back?”

    Me: “In an hour.”

    Customer: “So what time over here would that be?”

    Me: “…”

    Not A Productive Conversation

    | KS, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words

    (We are a company that deals with international calls on a daily basis, though I personally don’t that often. I receive a call that goes directly to my phone, not through the main system.)

    Customer: *unintelligible Spanish*

    Me: “Hello? No hablo mucho español” *I don’t speak much Spanish*

    Customer: “Hello?” *unintelligible Spanglish*

    Me: “This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: *very thick accent* You speak English, yes?”

    Me: “Yes, I do.”

    Customer: “Then let’s speak English.”

    Me: “Sounds good! What can I help you with?”

    Customer: “I had some questions.”

    Me: “Okay? Is this pertaining to [Product]?”

    Customer: “[Product]? Do you have a website?”

    Me: “Yeah! It’s [website]!”

    Customer: “Okay. okay. And you sell what again?”

    Me: [Product]. Did you need help with something?”

    Customer: “You have a nice voice.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Would you give me your phone number?”

    Me: *creeped out* “I’m sorry. I can’t give that information to you.”

    Customer: “You don’t want to talk on the phone to someone in Spain?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “No?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “No?”

    Me: “No. No es bueno para mi.” *It’s not good for me*

    Customer: “Oh! You speak Spanish?”

    Me: “Un pequeño” *A little*

    Customer: “How wonderful! We could talk in Spanish and English over the phone!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Was there something you wanted?”

    Customer: “We could be private phone buddies if you’d like.”

    Me: “No, I don’t think so.”

    Customer: “You have such a lovely voice. And you seem very nice and beautiful.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Please do not call back unless you have questions about [Product]. Have a good day.” *hangs up*

    Speaking The Same Amount Of The Same Language

    | ON, Canada | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Language & Words

    Customer: “Bonjour! Comment ca va?”

    Me: “Ca va bien, et toi?”

    Customer: “Ca va bien!”

    Me: “That’s it. That’s all I got. That’s all I know how to say.”

    Customer: “Me, too!”

    Me: “Well, we really sounded like we knew what we were talking about, didn’t we?!”

    Customer: “We sure did!”

    This Time With Meaning

    | ON, Canada | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

    (I have on a pair of frog earrings. The face and arms of the frog are in the front, and the legs dangle from the back of the ear.)

    Customer: “Oh, those earrings are so cute!”

    Me: “Thanks, my boyfriend got them for me.”

    Customer: “Oh you must love frogs!”

    Me: “No… they’re just fun.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, then, he must love frogs!”

    Me: “No, he just thought they were fun.”

    Customer: “Well, are you French?”

    Me: “Um, well, yeah…”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. So that’s why he got them!”

    The Great Intelligence Disconnect

    | Austin, TX, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work at a gaming company and provide tech support to all of our customers that call.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I hope you can help me. I have been having connection issues all week with [Game]. I play for about 30 minutes and am disconnected. Can you fix it?”

    Me: “I can try. First let’s open up the website to pull up some info that may help us resolve this.”

    (About 30 seconds pass.)

    Me: “Are you there, sir?”

    Customer: “Sorry, the internet has been having issues all week. It is a bit slow right now…”

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