I Physically Despair

| CA, USA | Crazy Requests

Me: “It appears you’re going to have to get your title notarized at a local bank for us to transfer that title out of your name.”

Customer: “You mean I have to do something physical outside of the house?”

Not Speaking The Same Language

| Wilmington, NC, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words, Technology

Caller: “It says select a language. What do I do?”

Me: “Select your language.”

Caller: “So if I go to another country, I can change it to their language?”

Me: “You could but you’re still going to be the one using the phone so you would probably still want to leave it on a language you speak.”

Caller: “Oh, okay.”

The Refund Is Complimentary

| USA | Awesome Workers, Crazy Requests, Money

Customer: “I don’t like my free gift; it looks cheap. I want to return it.”

Customer Service Representative: “I am sorry to hear that. However, it was a complimentary gift. It was included free of charge.”

Customer: “It’s just ugly! It is a piece of crap. I don’t want it. I want a refund.”

Customer Service Representative: “If you wish to return it you will have to ship it back at your own expense. As I said, it was complimentary. BUT, I guess if you want to continue insulting it, it will negate the compliment. Be as rude to it as possible. Problem solved. Consider yourself refunded. Have a nice day!”

Time Zone Phone Home

| Dallas, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography

(The customer places an online order and wants to change some items, but it isn’t showing up yet. I tell the customer to call back in an hour to be able to check it.)

Customer: “So on what time are you located?”

Me: “Eastern time.”

Customer: “So, at what time I have to call back?”

Me: “In an hour.”

Customer: “So what time over here would that be?”

Me: “…”

Not A Productive Conversation

| KS, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words

(We are a company that deals with international calls on a daily basis, though I personally don’t that often. I receive a call that goes directly to my phone, not through the main system.)

Customer: *unintelligible Spanish*

Me: “Hello? No hablo mucho español” *I don’t speak much Spanish*

Customer: “Hello?” *unintelligible Spanglish*

Me: “This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: *very thick accent* You speak English, yes?”

Me: “Yes, I do.”

Customer: “Then let’s speak English.”

Me: “Sounds good! What can I help you with?”

Customer: “I had some questions.”

Me: “Okay? Is this pertaining to [Product]?”

Customer: “[Product]? Do you have a website?”

Me: “Yeah! It’s [website]!”

Customer: “Okay. okay. And you sell what again?”

Me: [Product]. Did you need help with something?”

Customer: “You have a nice voice.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Would you give me your phone number?”

Me: *creeped out* “I’m sorry. I can’t give that information to you.”

Customer: “You don’t want to talk on the phone to someone in Spain?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “No?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “No?”

Me: “No. No es bueno para mi.” *It’s not good for me*

Customer: “Oh! You speak Spanish?”

Me: “Un pequeño” *A little*

Customer: “How wonderful! We could talk in Spanish and English over the phone!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Was there something you wanted?”

Customer: “We could be private phone buddies if you’d like.”

Me: “No, I don’t think so.”

Customer: “You have such a lovely voice. And you seem very nice and beautiful.”

Me: “I’m sorry. Please do not call back unless you have questions about [Product]. Have a good day.” *hangs up*

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