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  • Talking At-At Cross Purposes
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    DIY: Dental It Yourself

    , | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Health & Body

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I need a very fine grit sandpaper.”

    Me: “Here you go.”

    Customer: “Thanks! This will be perfect for my teeth!”

    For A Few Dollars Less

    | Loveland, OH, USA |

    (We have closed. I’m letting two employees out when a man runs up to the doors.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we’re closed.”

    Customer: “I’ll only be a minute.”

    (He comes towards me, trying to squeeze between me and the door.)

    Me: “Sir, the store has been closed for 10 minutes. Our registers have been shut down.”

    Customer: “I’ll only be a minute; I just need one thing. I’ll be out before you know it.”

    Me: “Sir, even if I could let you in the store, our registers have been shut down so no one would be able to check you out.”

    Customer: “I was only going to buy a 99 cent item. I swear I’ll only be a minute. I’ll never come back if you don’t let me in.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. There’s nothing I can do.”

    Customer: “It’s just a 99 cent item!”

    Me: “I do apologise, but we open tomorrow at 9.”

    Customer: “You just lost a very large sum of money! I’m never coming back!”

    That’s A Very Good Point

    | London, UK |

    Customer #1: “What size needles do I need to use?”

    Customer #2: “Well, it depends on the tension of your knitting.”

    Customer #1: “Oh, I’m quite loose.”

    Customer #2: *laughs* “I wouldn’t say that in this town. You might get in trouble.”

    Ah, Mothers, Part 2

    , | Fort Worth, TX, USA |

    (I overhear the following conversation as I’m stocking crafts; it’s a forty-something mother and her teenage daughter.)

    Mother: “… okay, we need beads.”

    Daughter: “Just make it fast.”

    Mother: “Don’t take that attitude with me.”

    Daughter: “I don’t know why I go anywhere with you!”

    Mother: “Oh, look! Gift boxes! With Rudolph on them!”

    Daughter: “Mom, be quiet. Just shut up… please.”

    Mother: “Look! Rudolph! You see Rudolph?”

    Daughter: “Mom, shut up! Can we leave?”

    Mother: “It’s just so godd**n a** f**king cute!”

    Daughter: *rolls her eyes and stomps off*

    Related:
    Ah, Mothers
    Mom In A Thong: Wrong
    A Mother’s Love

    Santa Goes Psycho

    | New Jersey, USA |

    (I am stocking Christmas ribbon with a coworker.)

    Customer: “You two ladies look like you can help me.”

    Me: “Sure, what do you want to know?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for a tree.”

    Me: “Ok, the trees are in the back of the store under the ‘Seasonal’ sign.”

    Customer: “No, no. Let me finish. I want a tree; it’s circular, but it’s a tree, and it’s a circle, but it’s only a half-circle, but it’s a tree. Oh! And you hang it on your window, and it’s a tree, and a circle.”

    Me & Coworker: “…”

    Customer: “IT’S A TREE, AND IT’S A CIRCLE AND A TREE, AND YOU HANG IT ON YOUR WINDOW, BUT IT’S ONLY A HALF-CIRCLE, BUT IT’S A CIRCULAR TREE!!

    Me: “Uh…a wreath?”

    Customer: “NO, NO, WHAT THE F***?! IT’S A CIRCLE AND A TREE, AND IT’S A CIRCLE AND A HALF-CIRCLE, AND YOU HANG IT ON YOUR WINDOW!”

    Me: “Um, I’m sorry, but I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

    Customer: “YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT IS?!”

    Me: “No…sorry, sir.”

    Customer: “Well, is there someone else in here that can help me?”

    Coworker: “There are other people here, but with that description I doubt anyone will be able to help you.”

    Customer: “OH, WHAT THE F***?!”

    (Customer storms off, but a moment later comes back.)

    Customer: “Oh, by the way, do you sell Jello here?”

    Me: “Um, no. We’re a craft store, not a grocery store.”

    Customer: “Well, people use Jello for crafts.”

    Me: “Uh, sorry.”

    Customer: “SERIOUSLY! THEY HIRE F***ING IDIOTS HERE!” *storms off…again*

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