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    How To Re-Tire Bad Customers

    | WI, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Transportation, Wild & Unruly

    (It’s Black Friday and I have a noon shift. I have been berated and belittled by most of the customers since most of the doorbusters have been sold out.)

    Rude Customer: “WHY even advertise this if you don’t keep it in stock!? That’s stupid! If you run out you shouldn’t advertise it!”

    (There are two younger customers behind them, a guy and a girl.)

    Girl: “You know… sometimes I just wanna make people suffer ya know? Like mentally. Like I wanna slash the tires of some real ignorant a** so they can’t go on and abuse another cashier.”

    Guy: “I have that hunting knife in my car still. Wanna do it once we’re out of here?”

    Girl: “We could. I have one target it picked out.”

    (The rude customer shuts up and pays quietly and quickly runs out the door. I eye up the couple not sure if I should report the threat or not. The girl grins at me.)

    Girl: “Got her to shut up.”

    Me: “Wait. You weren’t serious?”

    Girl: “Please. I could never do that.”

    Guy: “I could…”

    Arts And Crafts Is So Rock And (Toilet) Roll

    | FL, USA | Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    (I run into a customer coming out of the store bathroom. She’s clutching two empty toilet paper rolls and looks angry. I’m expecting her to round on me about no toilet paper in the stalls.)

    Customer: “You work in a craft store. How can you let people just throw these away!?”

    (The customer puts them in her shopping basket and stalks off. It left me wondering what craft is so awesome that the finished product would negate the ick-factor of digging through a public toilet’s trash bags.)

    Spinning A Yarn About Being Sorry

    | Gaithersburg, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Home Improvement, Money

    (A customer brings up a skein of yarn to the register. I see she is intending to use a coupon.)

    Me: “Ma’am, that coupon won’t work on the yarn because it is on clearance.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s not very fair. It’s only a few cents off from the normal price, anyway.”

    Me: “Actually, these are normally about $6, and it’s coming up for $2.64, so it’s cheaper than you would get using a coupon on a regular-priced one. Would you still like to buy it?”

    Customer: “It’s not fair! Why can’t I get my discount!? This is ridiculous!”

    Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, but we don’t give discounts on clearance items.”

    Customer: “Oh, I bet you are.”

    (I am becoming both annoyed and nervous that the customer is going to have a full-on meltdown over this. I attempt to sound deeply sorry.)

    Me: “I cannot express how bad I feel about this, ma’am. There’s really just not much I can do here.”

    (The customer suddenly starts laughing and smiling.)

    Customer: “Oh, I’m sure. I still don’t think it’s fair, but thank you for having some humor about it!”

    (The customer pays for her yarn and leaves. The next customer in my line has been watching the whole exchange and is just as surprised as me that things didn’t turn ugly.)

    Next Customer: “Is your boss around?”

    Me: “Actually, I’m the boss right now; I’m the only manager here tonight.”

    Next Customer: “Oh, well I would like to compliment the crap out of you! I was going to say something pretty soon if she kept on like that!”

    A Bad Frame Of Mind

    | IA, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    (I work in a frame shop for a large craft store chain. I take a phone call.)

    Caller: “Yes, do you have black frames?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Caller: “How much are they?”

    Me: “Well, it depends on the size, style, etc.”

    Caller: “Okay, can you tell me what each of them costs?”

    Me: “Ma’am, there are at least 75 different black frames; you really are going to have to come in and look for yourself.”

    Caller: “Well, I’m not going to come in unless I have some idea how much they cost.”

    Me: “Anywhere between $1 and $70.”

    (The caller hangs up. Later that same day, the caller comes in. I recognize her voice.)

    Caller: “Excuse me; can you tell me where your frames are?”

    Me: “This whole section over here.”

    Customer: “I see you have this frame in a 16 x 20, but I need it in a 20 x 16.”

    (I take the frame from her and turn it on its side.)

    Customer: *huffs* “Well, they should put on the package that you can turn it either way!” *storms off*

    Coworker: “Dude, seriously?”

    Counting On Each Other

    | Mt. Juliet, TN, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

    (I am the customer at one register checking out. There is another customer at the other register, who is accompanied by her four-year-old daughter. The daughter is bouncing all over the place, looking at toys and candy while her mother’s purchases are being bagged.)

    Little Girl: “Mommy! Mommy! Can we get this for the new house?”

    (The little girl holds up a miniature basketball hoop and ball.)

    Mother: “No, sweetie. We don’t need it.”

    Little Girl: “Okay!”

    (The little girl continues rummaging through the nearby racks avidly. The cashier hands the mother her receipt.)

    Mother: “Come on, [name]; time to go!”

    (The little girl half turns to look at her mother, clearly still engrossed in the toys.)

    Little Girl: “I need a count of four.”

    Mother: “One… two…”

    Little Girl: “Okay! Coming!”

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