October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

A Crime Against Closing Time

| UT, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

(I am working the register at a craft store. We are getting close to closing time, and make announcements over the PA system about every five minutes or so, warning customers to finish their purchases. About once a month there is a customer who comes in and wanders right up until the closing time before she comes to the register. Being at register one, I am the last cashier to close my till and have to wait until we’ve finished helping every customer that was in the store before we close the doors.)

Me: “Did you find everything all right tonight, ma’am?”

Customer: *sighs* “I suppose.”

(As I ring up her purchases, she grabs a weekly ad from beside my register.)

Customer: “Ooh, spring items are 40% off. Can I go look really fast before you finish ringing me up?”

Me: “Ma’am, we’re closed.”

Customer: “I’ll be quick.”

Me: “Ma’am, you have already looked back there. We are closed, and as soon as I’m done with your transaction I am closing my till. If you’d like to take a look at our spring sale, you can come back tomorrow morning. We open at 10 am.”

Customer: “I just want one item. I promise I’ll be quick.”

(We are 15 minutes past closing, all my coworkers have closed their tills and cleaned up their respective areas, and are standing up at the front waiting, since we all have to leave the store together.)

Me: “Ma’am, we are closed. And your total is [amount].”

(The customer pays and trundles out of the store, finally.)

Manager: “Way to be firm. I thought I was going to have to drag her out of the store.”

Rage Against The Machine, Part 3

| USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I have finished ringing up a customer’s purchase when he is paying with a debit card at the card reader. My computer tells me the customer clicked the ‘cancel’ button on the machine.)

Me: “Sir, please re-slide your card and press the green button for credit.”

Customer: *to his wife* “They should make these things all work the same way.”

Customer’s Wife: “Honey, it says right there to press the green button for credit.”

Customer: “I shouldn’t be expected to read that.”

Rage Against The Machine, Part 2
Rage Against The Machine

Cannibalism Is Child’s Play

| WV, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

(I’m stocking in an aisle in which a customer is also shopping. From a few aisles away comes the high pitched scream of a child. The customer turns and smiles at me.)

Customer: “That child should have been eaten at birth.”

Me: “…”

Double Take Required

| Wausau, WI, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I’m rather short, 5’3″, a bit heavy, and have short black hair and dark eyes. My coworker is lean, tall, almost 5’10”, and has red hair and hazel eyes. The only similarity we have is that we both wear glasses. Even on this day I was wear a black uniform top and she was wearing a pink one, in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness month. We just switched off so she can go home.  I hop on the register.)

Customer: *coming up to the checkout* “I couldn’t find it. Are you sure it’s there?”

Me: “Um, what are you looking for?”

Customer: *getting angry* “I already told you! Did you really just forget? Honestly!”

Me: “Ma’am, I just started my shift.”

Customer: “No! I just talked to you! You told me where I could find this!” *thrusts a small plastic bag with a jewelry finding in it*

Me: “Oh! Jewelry findings are the first row of jewelry and go straight back to the wall, ma’am.”

Customer: “That’s not what you said before!”

Me: “Ma’am, I just got here.”

Manager: *coming up since she heard the yelling* “Is there a problem?”

Customer: “This cashier is being rude and is lying to me!”

Me: “Ma’am, I am sorry my coworker has told you the wrong section, but she was the one that helped you. I just started.”

Customer: “Right there! Lying!”

Manager: “Actually, she’s right. She did just clock in.”

Customer: “Oh… well… You two just look so much alike!” *storms off*

Manager: “Who did you relieve?”

Me: “[Coworker].”


Not Really Framing A Good Argument

| Mankato, MN USA | Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

(I work in arts and craft store’s frame shop, which is located in a very small strip mall.)

Customer: “I really need something framed today. It’s urgent.”

Me: “Sure! We can do an express framing by picking out a ready-made frame on the floor and cutting a custom mat.”

Customer: “But I really want that frame.”

(He points to a corner sample on our wall display. We have over 400 samples.)

Me: “Well, that is a custom frame molding and we can order that for you, but it will take two weeks to complete.”

Customer: “No, I really need it today. That’s the one I want. Can you get it done by 6 pm?”

(As he says this, he can see my entire work room over my shoulder, which is obviously too small to hold any lumber, much less enough for 400+ frames.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t make any of these frames in-house. If you really want that frame I will have to order it from our central warehouse, who will cut and join it before sending it to my shop. If you are in a hurry, there are two frames we sell on our sales floor that I think would be very similar to the custom frame sample you like. They would look great!”

Customer: “But you’re a frame shop! Why don’t you make the frames here?”

Me: “Sir, if you look behind me, you’ll see my entire frame shop. We don’t have the room to store all of the frame materials so we use a warehouse.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! You should make them here!”

Me: “Sir, we offer over 400 different frames. If we kept enough lumber in stock to fulfill the frame-size request of each frame-type for each customer, we would need a building the size of [local national chain hardware store].”

Customer: “Oh…”

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