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    Cannibalism Is Child’s Play

    | WV, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m stocking in an aisle in which a customer is also shopping. From a few aisles away comes the high pitched scream of a child. The customer turns and smiles at me.)

    Customer: “That child should have been eaten at birth.”

    Me: “…”

    Double Take Required

    | Wausau, WI, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I’m rather short, 5’3″, a bit heavy, and have short black hair and dark eyes. My coworker is lean, tall, almost 5’10″, and has red hair and hazel eyes. The only similarity we have is that we both wear glasses. Even on this day I was wear a black uniform top and she was wearing a pink one, in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness month. We just switched off so she can go home.  I hop on the register.)

    Customer: *coming up to the checkout* “I couldn’t find it. Are you sure it’s there?”

    Me: “Um, what are you looking for?”

    Customer: *getting angry* “I already told you! Did you really just forget? Honestly!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I just started my shift.”

    Customer: “No! I just talked to you! You told me where I could find this!” *thrusts a small plastic bag with a jewelry finding in it*

    Me: “Oh! Jewelry findings are the first row of jewelry and go straight back to the wall, ma’am.”

    Customer: “That’s not what you said before!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I just got here.”

    Manager: *coming up since she heard the yelling* “Is there a problem?”

    Customer: “This cashier is being rude and is lying to me!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I am sorry my coworker has told you the wrong section, but she was the one that helped you. I just started.”

    Customer: “Right there! Lying!”

    Manager: “Actually, she’s right. She did just clock in.”

    Customer: “Oh… well… You two just look so much alike!” *storms off*

    Manager: “Who did you relieve?”

    Me: “[Coworker].”

    Manager: “YOU TWO LOOK NOTHING ALIKE! AND SHE’S IN PINK!”

    Not Really Framing A Good Argument

    | Mankato, MN USA | Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in arts and craft store’s frame shop, which is located in a very small strip mall.)

    Customer: “I really need something framed today. It’s urgent.”

    Me: “Sure! We can do an express framing by picking out a ready-made frame on the floor and cutting a custom mat.”

    Customer: “But I really want that frame.”

    (He points to a corner sample on our wall display. We have over 400 samples.)

    Me: “Well, that is a custom frame molding and we can order that for you, but it will take two weeks to complete.”

    Customer: “No, I really need it today. That’s the one I want. Can you get it done by 6 pm?”

    (As he says this, he can see my entire work room over my shoulder, which is obviously too small to hold any lumber, much less enough for 400+ frames.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t make any of these frames in-house. If you really want that frame I will have to order it from our central warehouse, who will cut and join it before sending it to my shop. If you are in a hurry, there are two frames we sell on our sales floor that I think would be very similar to the custom frame sample you like. They would look great!”

    Customer: “But you’re a frame shop! Why don’t you make the frames here?”

    Me: “Sir, if you look behind me, you’ll see my entire frame shop. We don’t have the room to store all of the frame materials so we use a warehouse.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous! You should make them here!”

    Me: “Sir, we offer over 400 different frames. If we kept enough lumber in stock to fulfill the frame-size request of each frame-type for each customer, we would need a building the size of [local national chain hardware store].”

    Customer: “Oh…”

    How To Re-Tire Bad Customers

    | WI, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Transportation, Wild & Unruly

    (It’s Black Friday and I have a noon shift. I have been berated and belittled by most of the customers since most of the doorbusters have been sold out.)

    Rude Customer: “WHY even advertise this if you don’t keep it in stock!? That’s stupid! If you run out you shouldn’t advertise it!”

    (There are two younger customers behind them, a guy and a girl.)

    Girl: “You know… sometimes I just wanna make people suffer ya know? Like mentally. Like I wanna slash the tires of some real ignorant a** so they can’t go on and abuse another cashier.”

    Guy: “I have that hunting knife in my car still. Wanna do it once we’re out of here?”

    Girl: “We could. I have one target it picked out.”

    (The rude customer shuts up and pays quietly and quickly runs out the door. I eye up the couple not sure if I should report the threat or not. The girl grins at me.)

    Girl: “Got her to shut up.”

    Me: “Wait. You weren’t serious?”

    Girl: “Please. I could never do that.”

    Guy: “I could…”

    Arts And Crafts Is So Rock And (Toilet) Roll

    | FL, USA | Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    (I run into a customer coming out of the store bathroom. She’s clutching two empty toilet paper rolls and looks angry. I’m expecting her to round on me about no toilet paper in the stalls.)

    Customer: “You work in a craft store. How can you let people just throw these away!?”

    (The customer puts them in her shopping basket and stalks off. It left me wondering what craft is so awesome that the finished product would negate the ick-factor of digging through a public toilet’s trash bags.)

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