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    Shouldn’t Be Listening

    | UT, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Money

    (I am a cashier at a popular craft store. A woman is purchasing lots of items for her daughter’s upcoming birthday party. Most of these items are little things, like individual lip balms and wrapped candies. We don’t have scanners at this store, so it takes me a good seven or so minutes to ring up all her items.)

    Customer: “This is all for my daughter’s birthday! Isn’t it wonderful?”

    Me: “Yes, it is. How old is she turning?”

    Customer: “Three. And she’s mommy’s little princess. She’s my pageant winner. We spend so much on pageants! Oh, it’s so expensive. I really shouldn’t be buying her all this for her birthday.”

    (The customer goes on and one like this as I ring up all her items. She keeps talking about her daughter’s pageants. Her little girl is sitting in the cart with a lollypop in her mouth, apparently too young to care about big birthday parties and pageants.)

    Me: “Do you have a coupon to use today?”

    Customer: “Yes, I do. 40% off right here.”

    (Her sum is quite large, so I make sure she understands.)

    Me: “You do realize that this is for 40% off one individual item, right?”

    Customer: “Oh, yes, yes. And it’s great because I really shouldn’t be buying all this. I really don’t have a lot of money.”

    (The customer doesn’t seem to have understood what I said about 40% off one item, not the entire purchase. After clarifying one more time, I process the coupon and finish the transaction. About ten minutes later she comes rushing back into the store.)

    Customer: “I didn’t get 40% off my purchase! I told you I shouldn’t be buying all of this.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I did tell you several times before finishing your transaction that the coupon was for 40% off one item, not the entire purchase. You told me you understood.”

    Customer: “Fine, Then I want to return most of this.”

    (She then proceeded to unload all the individual lip balms and candies she had purchased. It took me another ten minutes to process her refund, and then she swept out of the store muttering about how expensive the birthday party was turning out to be.)

    A Crime Against Closing Time

    | UT, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

    (I am working the register at a craft store. We are getting close to closing time, and make announcements over the PA system about every five minutes or so, warning customers to finish their purchases. About once a month there is a customer who comes in and wanders right up until the closing time before she comes to the register. Being at register one, I am the last cashier to close my till and have to wait until we’ve finished helping every customer that was in the store before we close the doors.)

    Me: “Did you find everything all right tonight, ma’am?”

    Customer: *sighs* “I suppose.”

    (As I ring up her purchases, she grabs a weekly ad from beside my register.)

    Customer: “Ooh, spring items are 40% off. Can I go look really fast before you finish ringing me up?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we’re closed.”

    Customer: “I’ll be quick.”

    Me: “Ma’am, you have already looked back there. We are closed, and as soon as I’m done with your transaction I am closing my till. If you’d like to take a look at our spring sale, you can come back tomorrow morning. We open at 10 am.”

    Customer: “I just want one item. I promise I’ll be quick.”

    (We are 15 minutes past closing, all my coworkers have closed their tills and cleaned up their respective areas, and are standing up at the front waiting, since we all have to leave the store together.)

    Me: “Ma’am, we are closed. And your total is [amount].”

    (The customer pays and trundles out of the store, finally.)

    Manager: “Way to be firm. I thought I was going to have to drag her out of the store.”

    Rage Against The Machine, Part 3

    | USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I have finished ringing up a customer’s purchase when he is paying with a debit card at the card reader. My computer tells me the customer clicked the ‘cancel’ button on the machine.)

    Me: “Sir, please re-slide your card and press the green button for credit.”

    Customer: *to his wife* “They should make these things all work the same way.”

    Customer’s Wife: “Honey, it says right there to press the green button for credit.”

    Customer: “I shouldn’t be expected to read that.”

    Related:
    Rage Against The Machine, Part 2
    Rage Against The Machine

    Cannibalism Is Child’s Play

    | WV, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m stocking in an aisle in which a customer is also shopping. From a few aisles away comes the high pitched scream of a child. The customer turns and smiles at me.)

    Customer: “That child should have been eaten at birth.”

    Me: “…”

    Double Take Required

    | Wausau, WI, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I’m rather short, 5’3″, a bit heavy, and have short black hair and dark eyes. My coworker is lean, tall, almost 5’10″, and has red hair and hazel eyes. The only similarity we have is that we both wear glasses. Even on this day I was wear a black uniform top and she was wearing a pink one, in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness month. We just switched off so she can go home.  I hop on the register.)

    Customer: *coming up to the checkout* “I couldn’t find it. Are you sure it’s there?”

    Me: “Um, what are you looking for?”

    Customer: *getting angry* “I already told you! Did you really just forget? Honestly!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I just started my shift.”

    Customer: “No! I just talked to you! You told me where I could find this!” *thrusts a small plastic bag with a jewelry finding in it*

    Me: “Oh! Jewelry findings are the first row of jewelry and go straight back to the wall, ma’am.”

    Customer: “That’s not what you said before!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I just got here.”

    Manager: *coming up since she heard the yelling* “Is there a problem?”

    Customer: “This cashier is being rude and is lying to me!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I am sorry my coworker has told you the wrong section, but she was the one that helped you. I just started.”

    Customer: “Right there! Lying!”

    Manager: “Actually, she’s right. She did just clock in.”

    Customer: “Oh… well… You two just look so much alike!” *storms off*

    Manager: “Who did you relieve?”

    Me: “[Coworker].”

    Manager: “YOU TWO LOOK NOTHING ALIKE! AND SHE’S IN PINK!”

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