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    Driving Himself Into A Ditch

    | USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Money, Transportation

    (I’m at court filing documents for a client when I overhear a judge’s assistant speaking with a man waiting in the lobby behind me.)

    JA: “I’m sorry, sir, but the judge isn’t willing to do anything about the towing costs.”

    Defendant: “What?”

    JA: “You’re going to have to pay these yourself.”

    Defendant: “But… no! He can’t do that!”

    JA: “Sir, there’s nothing he can do. He’s already waived all your court costs. The tow is your responsibility.”

    Defendant: “But what about me going to jail over not paying these?!”

    JA: “You have four outstanding warrants in three states! You were driving on a suspended license! You should have been arrested on the spot!”

    Defendant: “But he has to make these go away or I’ll go to jail!”

    JA: “Sir, you should BE in jail. We did not make you drive on a suspended license. I called the DMV and you’re even flagged in THEIR system! At some point you have to take responsibility for your actions. I really don’t know how you’re not in jail right now.”

    Defendant: “FINE! But I’m still owed a bond by you people!”

    JA: “Okay. I can get that to you, but that person is out today. Will you be in town tomorrow to pick it up or would you like me to mail it?”

    Defendant: “Nah, I’ll just drive here.”

    JA: “… You’ll… drive here? Yourself?”

    Defendant: “Yeah, that’s what I said.”

    JA: “Sir, could you please take a seat? I’m going to need to grab somebody to come talk to you.”

    Defendant: “Finally!”

    (The clerk and I, who had been listening in disbelief the entire time, watch as the JA walked over to the bailiff and explained the situation. I left when the handcuffs came out.)