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    Christmas Cancellation Fee

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (A man rented six Santa suits for his various insurance company locations, as he owns several. Two hours before he is to pick up his order he calls in.)

    Caller: “Hi, I’d like to cancel the Santa suits, and I’d like a refund.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we require at least 48 hours’ notice for all cancellations.”

    Caller: “But I don’t need these any more.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but it’s in the rental contract you signed that you can’t cancel the day of and get a refund.”

    Caller: “What, actually you expected me to read that thing!?”

    (Our contract is one page long, size-14 font, with all major points in bold, and we go over each point with the customer before they sign it. But apparently that was too much for an insurance salesman to read.)

    The True Justice League

    | Queens, NY, USA | Geeks Rule, Top

    (A cop comes in, in uniform and out of breath.)

    Cop: “Batman.”

    Employee: “Sorry?”

    Cop: “Batman. Mask. Where can I find one?”

    Employee: “Uh, we’ve got a selection of—”

    (The cop grabs a mask, shoves a stack of money into the employee’s hand, and runs out.)

    Employee: “What the f*** just happened?”

    (I’m wondering the same thing, so I take off after the cop, only to find a second cop waiting for him.)

    Second Cop: “You find one?”

    Bat Cop: *puts on the mask* “Yeah. Think it’ll work?”

    Second Cop: “It’s worth a shot…”

    (They walk around the corner, so I follow to find a drunk man clinging to a second-story window dressed as Spider Man.)

    Drunk Spidey: “Y’all just fake cops. Gonna be the Joker or some s*** behind that badge!”

    Bat Cop: *in a deep voice* “Spiderman. Come on down. We have work to do.”

    Drunk Spidey: *after a long pause* “We do?”

    Bat Cop: “The city is in danger. I need your help.”

    (Slowly, the drunk man climbs down until he’s hanging from the bars of the window. One of the cops has found a stepladder and they manage to cajole him into climbing down. It looks like they’re going to let him go until…)

    Drunk Spidey: “Yo, Batman! Is there such thing as, like, bat-heroin? Cause I used all my spider heroin!”

    I Can Be Anything I Want

    , | Massachusetts, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

    Customer: “Do you sell stripper costumes?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “Stripper or hooker, whatever. I need it for a Halloween costume party.”

    (I assume she’s dressing up herself in a party for adults.)

    Me: “Why don’t you just go to a lingerie store? Or perhaps an adult store?”

    Customer: “Well, they won’t be selling sizes that fit my kid. She’s 6.”

    Some Questions Should Never Be Asked

    , | Chico, CA, USA |

    Me: “Costume Design & Rental, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, do you guys have any costumes?”

    Me: “Yes, we have a 5,000 square foot warehouse.”

    Caller: “And do you rent them?”

    Me: “Yes, we do.”

    Caller: “How much is it?”

    Me: “It depends on what kind of costume are you looking for.”

    Caller: “I don’t know… can’t you just tell me how much it is?”

    Me: “Not without knowing what you want, no.”

    Caller: “Fine, whatever.” *click*

    (10 minutes later, they call back.)

    Me: “Costume Design & Rental, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Do you have any giant penis costumes?”

    Me: “… uh, no. I don’t think we do.”

    Caller: “Darn.” *click*