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    The True Justice League

    | Queens, NY, USA | Geeks Rule, Top

    (A cop comes in, in uniform and out of breath.)

    Cop: “Batman.”

    Employee: “Sorry?”

    Cop: “Batman. Mask. Where can I find one?”

    Employee: “Uh, we’ve got a selection of—”

    (The cop grabs a mask, shoves a stack of money into the employee’s hand, and runs out.)

    Employee: “What the f*** just happened?”

    (I’m wondering the same thing, so I take off after the cop, only to find a second cop waiting for him.)

    Second Cop: “You find one?”

    Bat Cop: *puts on the mask* “Yeah. Think it’ll work?”

    Second Cop: “It’s worth a shot…”

    (They walk around the corner, so I follow to find a drunk man clinging to a second-story window dressed as Spider Man.)

    Drunk Spidey: “Y’all just fake cops. Gonna be the Joker or some s*** behind that badge!”

    Bat Cop: *in a deep voice* “Spiderman. Come on down. We have work to do.”

    Drunk Spidey: *after a long pause* “We do?”

    Bat Cop: “The city is in danger. I need your help.”

    (Slowly, the drunk man climbs down until he’s hanging from the bars of the window. One of the cops has found a stepladder and they manage to cajole him into climbing down. It looks like they’re going to let him go until…)

    Drunk Spidey: “Yo, Batman! Is there such thing as, like, bat-heroin? Cause I used all my spider heroin!”

    I Can Be Anything I Want

    , | Massachusetts, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

    Customer: “Do you sell stripper costumes?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “Stripper or hooker, whatever. I need it for a Halloween costume party.”

    (I assume she’s dressing up herself in a party for adults.)

    Me: “Why don’t you just go to a lingerie store? Or perhaps an adult store?”

    Customer: “Well, they won’t be selling sizes that fit my kid. She’s 6.”

    Some Questions Should Never Be Asked

    , | Chico, CA, USA |

    Me: “Costume Design & Rental, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, do you guys have any costumes?”

    Me: “Yes, we have a 5,000 square foot warehouse.”

    Caller: “And do you rent them?”

    Me: “Yes, we do.”

    Caller: “How much is it?”

    Me: “It depends on what kind of costume are you looking for.”

    Caller: “I don’t know… can’t you just tell me how much it is?”

    Me: “Not without knowing what you want, no.”

    Caller: “Fine, whatever.” *click*

    (10 minutes later, they call back.)

    Me: “Costume Design & Rental, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Do you have any giant penis costumes?”

    Me: “… uh, no. I don’t think we do.”

    Caller: “Darn.” *click*