There is a computer work station in our store for customers to use. We put it in because our store policy does not allow us to access things like a customer’s email from our department computer, for security reasons. This happens roughly once a week.

Customer: “How do I get to my email from this computer?”

Me: “Well, you just go to your email provider’s site and log in, like on a normal computer.”

The customer begins to type in the “search” bar, which is on the store homepage and will just search the store inventory.

Me: “No, no, in the URL bar, here.”

Customer: “Oh!”

The customer begins to type [email]@[website] into the URL bar.

Me: “No, you have to go to the site.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Here… Type in [website] right there.”

Customer: “Okay… What now?”

Me: “Now you log in.”

Customer: “How?”

Me: “With your username and password.”

Customer: “I don’t know those!”

And this is what happens when people only ever access their email through their phones.

I’m working the evening shift at a copy place and all of the machines are running a giant order we took that morning. This job has been running non-stop since then and will keep running well into the next evening. I don’t remember the exact number, but the order was quoted at about $3000. The boss also gave orders that we use every machine possible in the shop and not to let any other customer interrupt the printing.

While I’m loading paper into one of the machines, a customer walks in asking for me to print a couple of pages for him. I have to refuse the sale because I can’t delay one job for another that would definitely be under $5.

He gets irate when I tell him all the machines are in use and points to the one I was loading paper into saying, “What about that one? It’s not running right now.”

The devil on my shoulder speaks up before the angel on the other can do anything and I say, “Because I’ve been standing here arguing with you instead of doing my job. The second I close this door, it will continue printing what has already been sent to it. I could delete what was printing—” There’s no pause function. “—but you’d have to pay me more than what the other customer’s job was worth because it will risk delaying the completion of their order and we will be out $3000.”

In order to complete my point, despite it being only half full, I close the paper tray’s door and the machine whirs back to life. The customer watches the pages print for half a minute while I stand guard and he finally snaps out of it and storms out of the shop.

A customer is ordering printed programs for an event next week. As it is a large order, policy states we provide a quote and have the quote approved before production begins.

Me: “Okay, sir, looks like your total for all 200 books is going to be $350 before sales tax.”

Customer: “What?! $350?! I ordered 100 of these at [Our Other Location] and only paid something like $170!”

I pull out a calculator for the customer to view.

Me: “Yes, and $170 multiplied by two is $340.”

Customer’s Wife: “What are you whining about?! It’s exactly what it should be!” *To me* “Go ahead and print, please. Thank you so much!”

In our copy centre, we have prepaid cards for the self-serve copiers.

Customer: “Someone said I could use this card for other stuff if I don’t spend it all on copies?”

Me: “Yeah, it’s like a gift card.”

Customer: “So, what can I buy with it?”

Me: “You can buy paper, or pens, or ink, or whatever.”

Customer: “Oh, cool, okay. So, could I, like, use it at McDonald’s?”

Me: “No.”

It is the week before school starts and our store is extremely busy. It is about eleven in the morning and we have been open for less than two hours.

Customer: “Hi, I’m here to pick up my copy order.”

Me: “Okay, what’s the name?”

Customer: “[Customer].”

I recognize the name right away.

Me: “Oh, you submitted that online right? This morning?”

Customer: “Last night.”

Me: “Oh, well, we were closed by then, so we didn’t get it until this morning. I haven’t had a chance to get to it yet, and it’s actually not due until 3:30.”

Customer: “Well, can you just print it for me right now? I need to take it with me to [City about an hour away] and I need to be there in an hour!”

Me: “Well, there are a lot of files here that I have to open individually, so it’ll take me a few minutes.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “And I have to take care of the line-up first.”

Customer: “What?! You have to ring all those customers in before you print my order?! I need it right now! I submitted it last night and I need it!”

Me: “We were closed when you submitted it, and all orders under $300 have a six-hour turnaround time.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! It’s supposed to be ready in an hour!”

Me: “No, it’s always six hours, and it always tells you what time it should be ready by.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous!”

The customer left in a huff. I didn’t print her order until she came back, because I didn’t know if she was just going to leave without it and then not need it later on and never come back for it.