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    Taxing Faxing, Part 5

    | Fond du Lac, WI, USA | Extra Stupid, Liars & Scammers

    Customer: “Can you make a copy of my fax papers?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Customer: “Okay, now fax them.”

    (I go over to the fax machine and send them; I come back with the papers.)

    Customer: “I thought you were going to fax my papers?”

    Me: “I just did.”

    Customer: “Then why are the papers in your hands still?”

    Me: “What are you talking about?”

    Customer: “When you fax something, it sends the papers to them instantly doesn’t it?”

    Me: “Yes, because it scans them and sends it.”

    Customer: “Oh, I thought it sent the papers instantly to the number.”

    Me: “Phone lines can’t do that.”

    Customer: “Well I guess I didn’t need the copies then. Do I still have to pay for them if I give them back to you to get rid of?”

    Related:
    Taxing Faxing, Part 4
    Taxing Faxing, Part 3
    Taxing Faxing, Part 2
    Taxing Faxing

    Beyond Even The Power Of Pixel Dust

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like a copy of this photo, but I need one the people cropped out. “

    (The customer hands me a photo of three men, arms around each other’s shoulders in front of a brick wall.)

    Me: “Which one needs to be cropped out?”

    Customer: “The guy in the middle.”

    Me: “Well, we really can’t do that. That is more for a photo-refinishing artist.”

    Customer: “Can’t you just erase the guy in the middle?”

    Me: “We could, but then there would be a blank space were he once was. It would be pretty obvious.”

    Customer: “Oh, you won’t just see the wall behind him if he is removed?”

    Me: “No, the camera doesn’t take a picture of what is behind the person, just what you see.”

    Customer: “What if it was a digital camera?”

    Time Is Money

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (A distressed older gentleman approached me, after having used the self-service copy machines.)

    Customer: “I only made 4 copies in black and white and it’s charging me $19.50!”

    Me: “Hmm, that’s a bit odd. Did you take your credit card out already, sir?”

    Customer: “Yes! And it started charging me!”

    Me: “Wait. It shouldn’t be doing something like that…”

    Customer: “It is!”

    (We walk over to the copy machine in question.)

    Customer: *points* “See? It’s even going up to $19.53!”

    (One quick glance and I instantly know what’s wrong.)

    Me: “Sir, that is the clock.”

    Customer: “What?!”

    Me: “Once you eject your card, it goes to the clock, and our card readers they’re set to 24-hour time.”

    Customer: “Ooohhh! Thank you!”

    It Just Jumps Off The Page

    | Des Moines, IA, USA |

    Me: *on the phone* “Hello, **** Printing.”

    Woman: “Yeah, I need to get something printed, and I just need to know if you can do it or not.”

    Me: “That’s entirely possible, what is it you want to print?”

    Woman: “Well, it’s something on a website.”

    Me: “Hmm. Web-res graphics tend not to print well. You’ll want something at least 300 dpi. And web graphics are in RGB color, and we would need CMYK.”

    Woman: “Oh. Well, if I show you the website, can you check?”

    Me: “Sure, no problem.”

    (She sends me to this website and directs me to a banner ad.)

    Me: “Uh, you mean this advertisement that’s flashing at the top of the screen?”

    Woman: “Yeah, can you print that? Like 1,000 of them so I can hand them out?”

    Me: “But it’s animated. Even if the quality was good enough to print, I could only print one still frame…it wouldn’t be moving.”

    Woman: “Darn it! That’s what my boyfriend told me too! I just wanted to be sure.”

    Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind

    | San Francisco, CA, USA |

    (Note: We always give a proof to customers prior to printing to make sure they get what they want, then follow up with a phone call.)

    Me: “Hi, did you get the proof?”

    Customer: “Yes, go ahead and run the job.”

    Me: “Okay. Thanks.”

    (I print her stuff and have it delivered. She calls about an hour later.)

    Customer: “I got my stuff but it’s wrong!”

    Me: “What’s wrong with it?”

    Customer: “The color’s all wrong!”

    Me: “But I printed them exactly like the proof! Didn’t you say you got the proof and you approved it?”

    Customer: “I’m supposed to LOOK at the proof?!”


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