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    Off The Clock, Customer Block, Part 2

    | Cleveland, Ohio, USA | Crazy Requests

    Customer: "Are you guys open on Saturday?"

    Me: "No ma’am, I’m sorry. We are open Monday through Friday 9am to 6pm."

    Customer: "Well, could you get someone to come in? I’m in a hurry and this really can’t wait all weekend."

    Me: "So you want us to come in on our day off so we can work on your order?"

    Customer: "Well, when you say it like that, you make me sound like I’m being a jerk."

    Off The Clock, Customer Block

    Has More Than A Few Issues

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Crazy Requests

    (A customer walks in with 5 magazines under her arm.)

    Customer: “Hi, how much does it cost to laminate one A4 page?”

    Me: “That’ll be $0.10.”

    Customer: “Great and um, about how many pages are in a magazine?”

    Me: “I’d say about 100.”

    Customer: “Great, so 100 multiplied by five is 500 hundred right?”

    Me: “Yes, it is.”

    Customer: “So 500 multiplied by $0.10 would be $50.00 right?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Yeah so can you like, laminate each page in the magazine?”

    Me: “Why would you want to do that?”

    Customer: “So I can read them in the bath.”

    Taxing Faxing, Part 5

    | Fond du Lac, WI, USA | Extra Stupid, Liars & Scammers

    Customer: “Can you make a copy of my fax papers?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Customer: “Okay, now fax them.”

    (I go over to the fax machine and send them; I come back with the papers.)

    Customer: “I thought you were going to fax my papers?”

    Me: “I just did.”

    Customer: “Then why are the papers in your hands still?”

    Me: “What are you talking about?”

    Customer: “When you fax something, it sends the papers to them instantly doesn’t it?”

    Me: “Yes, because it scans them and sends it.”

    Customer: “Oh, I thought it sent the papers instantly to the number.”

    Me: “Phone lines can’t do that.”

    Customer: “Well I guess I didn’t need the copies then. Do I still have to pay for them if I give them back to you to get rid of?”

    Taxing Faxing, Part 4
    Taxing Faxing, Part 3
    Taxing Faxing, Part 2
    Taxing Faxing

    Beyond Even The Power Of Pixel Dust

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like a copy of this photo, but I need one the people cropped out. “

    (The customer hands me a photo of three men, arms around each other’s shoulders in front of a brick wall.)

    Me: “Which one needs to be cropped out?”

    Customer: “The guy in the middle.”

    Me: “Well, we really can’t do that. That is more for a photo-refinishing artist.”

    Customer: “Can’t you just erase the guy in the middle?”

    Me: “We could, but then there would be a blank space were he once was. It would be pretty obvious.”

    Customer: “Oh, you won’t just see the wall behind him if he is removed?”

    Me: “No, the camera doesn’t take a picture of what is behind the person, just what you see.”

    Customer: “What if it was a digital camera?”

    Time Is Money

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (A distressed older gentleman approached me, after having used the self-service copy machines.)

    Customer: “I only made 4 copies in black and white and it’s charging me $19.50!”

    Me: “Hmm, that’s a bit odd. Did you take your credit card out already, sir?”

    Customer: “Yes! And it started charging me!”

    Me: “Wait. It shouldn’t be doing something like that…”

    Customer: “It is!”

    (We walk over to the copy machine in question.)

    Customer: *points* “See? It’s even going up to $19.53!”

    (One quick glance and I instantly know what’s wrong.)

    Me: “Sir, that is the clock.”

    Customer: “What?!”

    Me: “Once you eject your card, it goes to the clock, and our card readers they’re set to 24-hour time.”

    Customer: “Ooohhh! Thank you!”

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