November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Making It Rain Laminated Sheets

| Canada | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, Money, Technology

(An older gentleman approaches the counter, with an abrupt manner about him.)

Customer: “Do you do laminating here?”

Me: “Yep, sure do!”

(Before I can explain pricing or options or anything, he cuts me off:)

Customer: “Well, where is it? Is it a machine in self-serve, or do I have to give you the items, or what?”

Me: “Oh, it gets done here, behind the counter. What are you looking to get laminated today?”

(He reaches into his pocket and gets out his wallet. That’s not that unusual; people frequently get business cards or small wallet-sized photo laminated. However, instead of getting anything like that out, I see he’s opened the bill portion and is pulling out a $100 bill… and another… and another… and another, until he’s holding out ten $100 bills. He holds them out to me like it’s nothing, a strange smugness about him. In my surprise over it, it takes me a second to actually respond, but eventually I take a step back and hold my hands up and shaking my head;)

Me: “I… can’t laminate that.”

Customer: “What?! Well, why not? What’s wrong with it!”

Me: “It’s illegal for me to laminate any kind of currency.”

Customer: “What?! What do you mean? How is that possible? Just laminate it!”

Me: “Well, even if I COULD laminate it… It would get ruined in the machine… Like, it would melt. You know these bills are made of something similar to plastic, right? And the laminate sheet is its own sort of plastic. The heat from the machine would make the bills illegible.”

Customer: “What do you mean? Just run them through.”

Me: “The heat would ruin them. They would melt together with the plastic of the laminate sleeve, probably ‘bleeding’ and blurring…”

(I had no idea if that would happen or not, I just knew that they couldn’t go through the machine because they’d sustain some sort of damage, and also it is illegal. He looked entirely displeased and put out, but then shoved the bills back into his wallet and stormed away. I turned to my coworker who was with me at the time, looking at her in disbelief, and she shrugged.)

Coworker: “Maybe he had some big bill to pay, and he’s trying to be a smart-a** about it.”

A Cent-less Amount

| St. Clairsville, OH, USA | Crazy Requests, Money

Customer: “How much is it to copy something?”

Me: “Is it in color or black and white?”

Customer: “Black and white.”

Me: “It’s eleven cents.”

Customer: “How much is it for two copies?”

Me: “Twenty-two cents.”

Customer: “How much is it for five copies?”

Me: “Fifty-five cents.”

Customer:” How much is it for 10 copies?”

Me: “It’s still going to be eleven cents per copy.”

Customer: “Well, is there a break in the price after so many copies?”

Me: “Yes. After 1001 copies, the price goes down to ten cents a copy.”

Customer: “Oh, no! I just need two copies!”

Listening Is Priceless

, | Sacramento, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

(A customer comes in to ask about a large printing order. I inform her that printing her order will take a few hours, but that we could have everything copied by the end of the day. She agrees to place an order with us, as she is in a rush and no other copy center in town could get the prints done in less than seven days.)

Me: “Do you know approximately how many pages you have here?”

Customer: “No… Why?”

Me: “Well, it’s just that the color copies are far more expensive than black and white, and I wanted to give you a quote before we begin. The color ones add up fast!”

Customer: “No, no. Just go ahead. My boss told me he’s being reimbursed anyway, so it doesn’t matter what it costs.”

(I’m skeptical, but she insists. As it turns out, ALL of her documents are in color. As she’s printing training manuals and reference books for a group of 26 employees, she ends up with over 8,000 printed pages of color documents.)

Customer: “And could you assemble them and put them all into binders for me?”

Me: “We sure can! If you hold on just a moment, I can give you a quote for the entire order, including assemb—”

Customer: “No. I don’t want a quote. Just go ahead and do everything.”

Me: “Are you sure? Because you have quite a lot of copies here, and assembly adds an additional fee.”

Customer: “No quote! I’ll be in to pick these up on Monday!”

Me: “But they’re $0.49 per page to start, and you’ve got—”

Customer: “Oh, well! My boss just wants everything done in color, and by Monday.”

(I go along with what the customer wants, but I’m still pretty certain she’s going to flip out when she sees the total, despite my attempts. Sure enough, Monday morning rolls around and the customer arrives…)

Me: “Okay! Your total for copies, tabs, binders, assembly, and all comes to approximately $2400 after tax.”

Customer: “What!? $2000!?”

Me: *sighs*

Acting Nutty

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Language & Words, Pets & Animals, Technology, Uncategorized

(I am helping a customer scan and email important documents to his insurance company. He speaks English very poorly.)

Me: “Okay, sir. The email is sending now. It will just take a moment. There! Sent!”

Customer: “Is sent?”

Me: “Yes. Your agent should get the email any second now.”

Customer: “Oh! Am so happy! Happy like SQUIRREL!”