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    Chat Up Knock Down

    | LA, USA | Bad Behavior, Rude & Risque, Top

    (My boyfriend, who is 5’9″ and 175 lbs. of lean muscle, has come to visit me at work. He’s standing across the counter from me when a customer walks in. Not wanting to be in the way, he moves to stand near our fountain drink. The customer walks up to the counter and gives me a lecherous smirk.)

    Customer: “How you doin’ hot stuff? You sure are fine.”

    Me: *rolls eyes* “I’m not interested. I have a boyfriend, and he’s—”

    Customer: “Yeah, sure. I’ll bet he’s a p****. I’ll show you a real man.”

    Me: “I’ll have you know my boyfriend was in the Army and is an MMA fighter, so—”

    Customer: “That don’t mean s***! Give me your number and I’ll show you what a real man can do for you.”

    (I realize I’m not going to get through to this customer, so I sigh and look over to my boyfriend.)

    Me: “Babe, will you please explain to him that I know what a real man is, and what a real man can do?”

    (Hearing this, my boyfriend stands up straight, smirks, and cracks his knuckles.)

    Boyfriend: “Gladly, baby girl. I was wondering when you were going to let me step in.”

    Customer: *pales* “Oh, uh, never mind!” *runs out of the store*

    Boyfriend: *laughs* “Good thing he didn’t know I need a knee replacement, huh?”

    Crying Over No Spilt Milk

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work in a convenience store, and am calling to make a dairy order.)

    Me: “Hi, this is [store] calling. I’d like to place my order.”

    Rep: “Sure! Whenever you’re ready.”

    Me: “I’ll take 15 ’2%’, 5 whole, 2 skim—”

    Rep: “I’m very sorry; can you hold on just one moment?”

    Me: “Sure, take your time.”

    (The rep puts me on hold for a few moments before returning.)

    Rep: “I’m very sorry about that. I had this guy on another line screaming at me about how he didn’t get his Pepsi order. It took me a few minutes to finally get a word in and to let him know that he had called the dairy company.”

    Me: *laughing* “Are you serious?”

    Rep: “Yes! I’ve never had that happen to me! Haha! Okay, I can take the rest of your order now!”

    Hug And A Smile Make It All Worth While

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

    (I am standing in line to check out at a local convenience store. The employees are very busy with what appears to be a massive restocking job. One employee has taken a 30 second break to get a drink when a child who can’t be older than 7 speaks up to her.)

    Child: “You’re not smiling. You have to smile! Everyone has to smile!”

    Employee: “Aw, I’m sorry, I’m just busy.” *smiles a little for the child*

    Child: “You know what you deserve?”

    Employee: “No, what’s that?”

    Child: “A hug!”

    (The child hugs the employee.)

    Employee: “Aw, thank you!”

    (The entire place seemed to brighten up after this and the kid’s parents couldn’t stop grinning either. It brightened all our days!)

    Hats Off To Idiocy

    | Charleston, WV, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Holidays, Top

    (It is New Year’s day/night. I am working the graveyard shift and I have a pair of friends at the store keeping me company. A customer comes in and is casually walking the aisles. My friends and I continue talking, but I keep an eye on him. The customer heads for the door without buying anything, but I notice a hat rack hanging from the ceiling, swinging wildly.)

    Me: “Excuse me, sir?”

    (The customer stops by the door, holding his jacket closed.)

    Customer: “Yeah?”

    Me: “I’m really sorry, and I’m sure I’m mistaken, but would you mind opening your jacket?”

    Customer: “Why do you want me to do that?”

    Me: “Again, I’m sure I’m mistaken, and I do apologize, but I need to make sure you didn’t forget to pay for a hat.”

    Customer: “How dare you accuse me of stealing! I don’t have to do what you say!”

    Me: “Sir, if you don’t I’ll have to—”

    (At this point, the customer darts out the door. I know we’re not supposed to, but I am angry that this guy would steal from me. I hop the counter and start running for the door. The customer sees me and takes off running. I chase him across the parking lot and start across the street after him when my better judgement kicks in. I go back inside, but am surprised to see my friends laughing really hard.)

    Me: “What’s so funny?!”

    One Of My Friends: “Dude! His car is right there! Parked outside!”

    (I call the police, who arrive and check his trunk. The customer had had a busy night, and had stolen from a few other stores. A cop is taking my statement when we see a woman get in the customer’s car and start it up.)

    Cop: *to the woman* “What are you doing?”

    Woman: “…Oh, my husband is drunk and forgot that he had driven the car to the store. I’m just picking it up.”

    (Sensing an opportunity, the cop slyly smiles at me, before continuing to speak to the woman.)

    Cop: “Okay, go ahead…”

    (The woman gets in the car and drives off, unwittingly leading the cop to her home. I testified in court a few weeks later.)

    Time For Giving And Receiving, Part 2

    | Robeline, LA, USA | Awesome Customers, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (My coworker, who has just gotten off shift, is leaning against the counter talking to me when an older gentleman walks in.)

    Me: *smiling* “Good evening and Merry Christmas!”

    Customer: *frowning* “Why are you here? It’s Christmas!”

    Coworker: *smiling* “Well, we don’t close for Christmas. She’s closing up shop, but I’ve just gotten off and am about to go home.”

    Customer: *suddenly grinning* “Wait right here!” *turns on his heel and goes out the door*

    Coworker: “…Okay, what was that?”

    Me: “I have no idea!”

    (The customer returns and gives my coworker a $20 bill then lays one on the counter in front of me.)

    Customer: “Merry Christmas, ladies, and a Happy New Year too!”

    (We both stare after him as he walks out, gets into his SUV and leaves. We then look at each other.)

    Coworker: “Wow, that’s the nicest thing anyone’s done all day!”

    Me: “Well, this is the season for miracles, isn’t it?”

    (I still have no idea who that man was!)

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