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    Smoking With A Gun

    | Chesapeake, VA, USA | Criminal/Illegal

    (We usually work in pairs because of the neighborhood, but my coworker is running late. A couple of regulars of mine find out and decide that they’d hang out until he showed up. I’m female. We are chatting when a very obviously inebriated man comes stumbling into the store and up to the counter. He reeks of urine and has a gun in his hand, which he lays on the counter.)

    Drunk Customer: “Gimme [brand name cigarettes].”

    Me: *trying not to look at his gun* “Long or short?”

    Drunk Customer: “Short.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I hand him his cigs, and he fumbles with his wallet, still holding the gun. He tosses me some money, grabs the pack of cigarettes and stumbles out without waiting for his change. I take a deep breath, pick up the phone and dial 911.)

    Me: “Um, yeah, there’s a drunk man with a gun wandering around [name of street]. You might want to pick him up.”

    (After I hang up, one of my regulars, who’d backed up slowly into the aisles during this exchange, comes up to me.)

    Regular: “D***, you’ve got balls of steel!”

    The Biggest Winner Is Humanity

    | Robeline, LA, USA | Awesome Customers, Money

    Customer: “I’ll have a number seven ticket, please.”

    Me: “Sure, that’ll be $2, please.”

    Customer: “Thanks! I’m feeling lucky today. I hope that I win!”

    Me: “Good luck! Remember, you’ve got to share with me if you do!”

    Customer: “Okay!”

    (He leaves and I think nothing of it as I always joke with customers about sharing winnings. A few days later, he comes back and hands me the same scratch ticket.)

    Customer: “Hey! I won $50! Isn’t that great?”

    Me: “Yeah! That’s awesome!”

    (I do up the pay out and hand him the money, two 20s and a 10.)

    Customer: *holding out the 10* “Could I get two $5 bills instead?”

    Me: “Sure, there you go!”

    Customer: “Thanks.” *he hands me $25* “There you go! That’s your share!”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “I said I’d give you part of the money if I won, so there you go! Have a nice day!”

    (He left before I could argue. It’s people like that who make me have faith in humanity!)

    Full Of Holiday Sneer

    | Washington, DC, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a customer at a convenience store buying coffee. Since the holidays are very near, I want to do something nice. There is an older gentleman behind me, about 65 years old, with two cups of coffee.)

    Me: *to the cashier* “I’ll pay for his, too.”

    Cashier: *smiles* “Okay, that’ll be $[price].”

    (I pay, and then the man walks up to pay.)

    Cashier: “It was taken care of, sir.”

    Man: “No, no, no, why? Here, I need to pay for this.”

    Me: “I got it for you. Happy holidays!”

    Man: *scowls* “Who do you think you are, some kind of good Samaritan? I can buy my own coffee.”

    Me: “…I guess I was only trying to be nice…”

    Man: “Well, I don’t want it!”

    Chat Up Knock Down

    | LA, USA | Bad Behavior, Rude & Risque, Top

    (My boyfriend, who is 5’9″ and 175 lbs. of lean muscle, has come to visit me at work. He’s standing across the counter from me when a customer walks in. Not wanting to be in the way, he moves to stand near our fountain drink. The customer walks up to the counter and gives me a lecherous smirk.)

    Customer: “How you doin’ hot stuff? You sure are fine.”

    Me: *rolls eyes* “I’m not interested. I have a boyfriend, and he’s—”

    Customer: “Yeah, sure. I’ll bet he’s a p****. I’ll show you a real man.”

    Me: “I’ll have you know my boyfriend was in the Army and is an MMA fighter, so—”

    Customer: “That don’t mean s***! Give me your number and I’ll show you what a real man can do for you.”

    (I realize I’m not going to get through to this customer, so I sigh and look over to my boyfriend.)

    Me: “Babe, will you please explain to him that I know what a real man is, and what a real man can do?”

    (Hearing this, my boyfriend stands up straight, smirks, and cracks his knuckles.)

    Boyfriend: “Gladly, baby girl. I was wondering when you were going to let me step in.”

    Customer: *pales* “Oh, uh, never mind!” *runs out of the store*

    Boyfriend: *laughs* “Good thing he didn’t know I need a knee replacement, huh?”

    Crying Over No Spilt Milk

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work in a convenience store, and am calling to make a dairy order.)

    Me: “Hi, this is [store] calling. I’d like to place my order.”

    Rep: “Sure! Whenever you’re ready.”

    Me: “I’ll take 15 ’2%’, 5 whole, 2 skim—”

    Rep: “I’m very sorry; can you hold on just one moment?”

    Me: “Sure, take your time.”

    (The rep puts me on hold for a few moments before returning.)

    Rep: “I’m very sorry about that. I had this guy on another line screaming at me about how he didn’t get his Pepsi order. It took me a few minutes to finally get a word in and to let him know that he had called the dairy company.”

    Me: *laughing* “Are you serious?”

    Rep: “Yes! I’ve never had that happen to me! Haha! Okay, I can take the rest of your order now!”


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