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  • Gave Them A Rude Awakening
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    Insulting Jitsu, And Then It Hits You

    | CO, USA | At The Checkout, Theme Of The Month, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work near a campus which is currently in finals-week, so quite a few students come in early to get a pick-me-up before their exams. Five customers are in line; four regulars, followed by an impatient customer at the end. )

    Impatient Customer: “Gods! Why can’t this b**** work the cash register faster? I’ve got some important things to do!”

    Regular #1: “Calm down, buddy. She’s doing just fine.”

    Regular #3: “Yeah. Like what you have to do is important to any of us.”

    Regular #4: “Seriously. We’re all in a hurry here.”

    Impatient Customer: “Yeah? Well, he’s not!”

    (The impatient customer points at Regular #2.)

    Impatient Customer: “I’m getting in front of him!”

    (Regular #2 is very young, and looks like a college student at first glance. He also always comes in looking like he’s asleep, but gets in and out with no problem.)

    Impatient Customer: “This dumb-a** probably stayed up all night cramming for his test! Stop leaving s*** until the last second dumb-a**!”

    (The impatient customer starts forcing his way forward. As soon as he touches Regular #2, there is a blur of motion, and the impatient customer is flying towards a display. Another blur of motion occurs, and Regular #2 is standing in front of the display and the impatient customer is on the floor near the door instead.)

    Regulars #1, #3 And #4: “What just happened?!”

    Regular #2: “I didn’t want him crashing into the display and causing more work for this little lady here.”

    Me: “[Regular #2’s name] has practiced martial arts since he was eight. He helps out at [local dojo I go to].”

    Regular #2: *to the impatient customer* “Also, aren’t you the lead for [name] with [company name]?”

    Impatient Customer: “How’d you know that?”

    Regular #2: “Because I’m the developer for the product you’ve requested from [other company name]. I’m going to be so glad to tell your boss this product isn’t viable, because his lead is impossible to work with. I do hope you enjoy your wait in line, because I’m going to personally make your workday miserable.”

    A Competitive Throwdown Of The Stock

    | UK | Money, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (An older customer is looking at the sweets.)

    Old Customer: “How much is this bar of chocolate?”

    Me: “That’s [amount].”

    Old Customer: “Really? it is only [smaller amount] at [competitor].”

    (The old customer puts the chocolate bar down, and picks up a packet of crisps.)

    Old Customer: “How much are these?”

    Me: “Those are [amount].”

    (The old customer huffs and throws them down.)

    Old Customer: “That is outrageous! They are only [smaller amount] at [competitor]!”

    Me: “I am sorry, but because they are a large chain store, they can charge a little better than us. Because we are independent, our prices are a little higher.”

    Old Customer: “You are just trying to rob an old lady! These are cheaper at [competitor]; you should be ashamed!”

    (The old customer starts to throw the chocolates around.)

    Me: “You’re more than welcome to shop there, ma’am. Please stop throwing those on the floor.”

    Old Customer: “Why would I go there! It’s half way across town! You expect an old lady to walk all that way! You are a disgrace with no respect for your elders!”

    (She starts to walk out of the shop.)

    Old Customer: “You are robbers! Daylight robbers!”

    (She leaves by throwing more stock on the floor.)

    Make Love Sandwiches Not War

    | NJ, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I am the overnight manager. It is a half an hour into my shift, and we are getting a bit busy in the deli area. The evening manager hasn’t left yet, so he is at the back helping the deli employee finish the hoagie orders that are still up on the board. A customer who has just picked up her food order stomps over to the register where I am working.)

    Customer: “I’m not happy! When I come in here, I want my food made with love! I don’t want it just slapped together!”

    Me: “…okay?”

    Customer: “You don’t need to rush! I want my food made with care! If I am paying good money for this, I want it made with love!”

    Me: “…okay?”

    Customer: “This is a legitimate complaint! I can’t believe this! I am never shopping at this store again!” *stomps out*

    All In A Huff About The Man With A Puff

    | LA, USA | Top

    (My boyfriend is standing on the sidewalk outside the store. He is smoking a cigarette while he waits for me to get off. A customer comes in and starts complaining.)

    Customer: “Look at him! Standing out there as if he owns the place! You’re going to make this place go out of business by allowing riff-raff like that to hang out here and smoke right beside the door!”

    Me: “Ma’am, he is near the ashtray, which is more than the state mandated twenty-five feet from the entrance. Furthermore, I ask that you not call my other customers names, and especially him because he’s my boyfriend.”

    Customer: “What is wrong with you?! Why would a good, sweet Christian girl like you date a tattooed heathen like that!?”

    Me: “Ma’am, please stop calling him names. He is not a heathen; he is a good Christian man. I on the other hand, am not religious, but spiritual. He is also an Army veteran who served in Iraq and Afghanistan, and deserves to be treated with more respect than you are giving him. Now please leave. I am refusing you service for being so rude.”

    Customer: “The customer is always right! I’ll tell [owner] that you were letting a heathen lurk outside his store!”

    Me: “You do that, ma’am. I’ll make sure to tell him how rude you were, too.”

    Customer: “The customer is always right!”

    (The customer runs out of the store. At this point, my boyfriend walks in.)

    Boyfriend: “What was her problem, baby girl?”

    Me: “Who knows? She apparently thought the customer is always right.”

    Boyfriend: “Sometimes the customer is just an a**-hole.”

    There’s Nothing To Fear But Beer By Itself

    | Manteo, NC, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (During the night shift at the 24-hour gas station, it’s against policy to have the store open from midnight to five if you’re working alone. My coworker hasn’t shown up, so I am doing some cleaning while the store is temporarily closed and locked. A customer bangs angrily on the door. After several mimes of miming ‘Sorry!’ and pointing to the ‘Closed’ sign, I open the door a crack, figuring she might be in trouble or have run out of gas.)

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “Open the door!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we’re closed. I’m not allowed to be open from midnight to five.”

    Customer: “You’re CLOSED?!”

    Me: “Yes! Well… is it an emergency?”

    Customer: “It is an emergency! I need beer!”

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