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    A Triple Rainbow Of Pens

    | NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I work part time at the local convenience store that sells school supplies, snacks, basic clothing, and other things. A customer walks in smelling heavily of marijuana.)

    Customer: “Can I get some pens?”

    Me: “Umm, sure.”

    (I show the customer over to the area where we keep pens and pencils.)

    Customer: “Whoa… YOU GUYS HAVE PINK PENS?!”

    Me: “Yes, why?”

    Customer: “I didn’t know they made pink pens!”

    Me: “Umm… they make pens in every color, sir.”

    Customer: “Even… ORANGE?!”

    Me: “Yes, even orange.”

    Customer: “Even YELLOW?! Oh wait, that’d just be a highlighter.”

    Me: *points at yellow gel pens* “No, they make yellow pens too.”

    Customer: “WOW!”

    (The customer buys his pens and leaves. Good to know I may have changed someone’s life.)

    The Greatest Deal In American History

    | Delaware County, PA, USA | History

    (A car dealership just outside of Philadelphia is running an oil change special for $17.76. I overhear the following conversation at a convenience store.)

    Customer #1: “[Car dealership] doesn’t make sense. $17.76 for an oil change. Don’t specials always have 99 cents in the end?”

    Customer #2: “I know, it’s confusing! Probably just some number they pulled out of their a**!”

    Clerk: “The Declaration of Independence was signed in 1776. Here. In Philadelphia!”

    Customers #1 & #2: *blank stares*

    Be Civil To The Civilians

    | USA | Military, Top

    (I am a female officer-instructor, in line at the on-base convenience store. I am in my civilian clothes. Behind me are two soldiers in uniform that I recognize as new students in my latest class.)

    Soldier #1: “Man, why do they let civs shop here?”

    Soldier #2: “I don’t know why they even let civilians on base, you know? Unless they’re clerks or some s***; gotta have someone run the till.”

    Cashier: *winks at me* “So, lieutenant, how’s the instructor life treating you?”

    Me: “Oh, same old.”

    (I look back at the two soldiers with my best ‘I will make you do push-ups until you throw up’ death glare.)

    Me: “…some of my new students are going to take a lot of work.”

    (Both soldiers turn pale and run out. The clerk laughs so hard she starts wheezing.)

    That’s Natch The Way You Say It

    | Robeline, LA, USA | Funny Names, Geography, Language & Words, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    Customer: “How do I get to ‘Natchy-toe-chess?’”

    Me: “It’s pronounced ‘Nak-a-tesh,’ and it’s a straight shot from here.”

    Customer: “Oh, wow. I was way off, wasn’t I?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “What about that ‘Provencial’ place I saw on a sign?”

    Me: “It’s ‘Prahv-en-saw.’”

    Customer: “Wow. Then I suppose the name of this town isn’t ‘Robe-line?’”

    Me: “No, ma’am, it’s ‘Ro-buh-lean.’”

    Customer: “Next year I’m going on vacation in Texas. None of the places there have such weird names!”

    Not As Happy As A Clam

    | ME, USA | Awesome Workers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

    (My friend and I are at a local market picking up chicken for her graduation party. While we’re waiting to pay, the phone rings and the cashier has to answer.)

    Cashier: “Good afternoon… I’m afraid we are sold out of clams right now… well we get a shipment in tomorrow afternoon… tomorrow afternoon… no we are sold out right now… yes we get some tomorrow afternoon… around 1 pm or so… uhm we’ll have them until they’re sold out… no we are sold out right now… why? It’s been very busy with the warm weather.” *sighs* “Tomorrow afternoon… well, I’m really sorry that we don’t have any right now, but we’ve sold out. Okay there’s a seafood store in town, bye.”

    (The cashier hangs up and looks annoyed.)

    Cashier: “Sorry… just the chicken?”

    Friend: *jokingly* “Yes but do you have clams?”

    Cashier: “Get out.”

    Friend: “But whhhyyy! I want some noooooooowww!”

    Cashier: “Well you’re gonna have to wait; sucks to be you!”

    Friend: “You wanted to say that to the person on the phone didn’t you?”

    Cashier: “You have no idea.”

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