Number Of The Beastly Coincidences

| Uckfield, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Holidays, Money

(I work in a small corner shop. It is Halloween and we’ve been busy on-and-off with kids making their way around the estate and trick-or-treating, and coming in to buy drinks. I’m approached by a kid I estimate to be in his early teens.)

Me: “Hey, kiddo! Having fun?”

Kid: “Yeah, not a bad haul so far. Just a bit thirsty; nobody hands out drinks!”

Me: “No, I suppose they’re bulkier and more expensive, too.”

Kid: “Yeah you’re probably right and th—” *sees the total on my screen* “Aww £6.67? Come ON! Could you give me a penny discount?”

Me: “Er….

Kid: “Guess my maths isn’t as good as I thought. I wanted it to be £6.66 for Halloween!”

Me: “Well, I’m not authorised to give discount unless the items are damaged but [Similar Drinks] are a penny cheaper so you could swap out one of your [Original Items] if it really bothers you that much?”

Kid: “Yes, please! One sec while I take this back and swap it!”

(By this point there’s a small queue and the boy’s friends, who are waiting outside and clearly can’t hear what he’s doing but see him sprint back to the fridges, yell through the door for him to hurry up.)

Me: “Okay, buddy! That’s now £6.66.”

Kid: “Thanks! Can I get a receipt?”

Me: “Sure, have a good Halloween!”

(As the kid approaches the door he starts waving his receipt at his friends.)

Kid: “Guys! GUYS! LOOK! Weirdest coincidence ever! I just grabbed some random drinks and the total was £6.66. How spooky is that?!”

(The customer behind him turned to me and just raised her eyebrows!)

Seems To Be Their Calling Card

| USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid

 

(A customer has just left after paying for their stuff with a credit card. A few minutes later…)

Customer: “Hi, again. I left my credit card behind. Have you seen it?”

Me: “Let me see.” *looks around the register, counter, and pin-pad machine* “Is it on the floor?”

Customer: “No. Well, where is it?”

Me: “I do not know.”

Customer: “You didn’t check out anyone else, did you?”

Me: “I have not.”

Customer: “I checked my purse, my pockets, and my bags. I can’t find it. Do you have it?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I haven’t seen it.”

Customer: “You have it. Don’t lie to me. It’s not right to steal credit cards. Call your manager, now! You thief! Give me back my card!”

(I call the manager up.)

Manager: “Are you sure you checked everywhere?”

Customer: “Just check him! I should be calling the police.”

(I reveal my pockets. My manager checks all around my station, and then:)

Customer: “Oh, silly me. I put it in my glasses case. Thank heavens I found it.”

(The customer leaves.)

Me: “No, no. Just forget that you were blatantly accusing me to be a thief. Feel free to leave without a heartfelt apology.”

Manager: “Don’t worry. At least the police didn’t get involved this time.”

Me: “This time?!”

Read You Loud And Unclear

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Language & Words

(One of my coworkers is a quiet, well-spoken man normally, but has an astonishingly loud voice if he wants to shout. My manager is also the shop owner, has a great sense of humor, and likes to let him use that voice in situations.)

Customer: “A carton of [Brand] cigarettes, please.”

Coworker: “Yes, sir. What kind?”

Customer: “[Brand].”

Coworker: “Yes, sir. Twenties, thirties, mild menthol, filtered or plain?”

Customer: “[BRAND]!”

Coworker: *just as loud* “Yes, sir. Twenties, thirties, mild menthol, filtered or plain?”

Customer: *as loud as he can shout* “[BRAND]!”

Coworker: *louder than the customer; painful to the ears* “YES, SIR! TWENTIES, THIRTIES, MILD, MENTHOL, FILTERED OR PLAIN?!”

(The customer turns pale, and takes a step back.)

Customer: *normal voice* “Er, um, sorry. What?”

Coworker: *normal voice*  “Twenties, thirties, mild menthol, filtered or plain?”

Customer: “Oh. Twenties, filtered, plain. Thanks.”

(The customer paid, and then left, turning back, looking, and shaking his head in disbelief.)

An Idiot Born Every Minute

| East Stroudsburg, PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

(We are located in a college town, so naturally, we sell a variety of things including condoms. Normally people just ask where they are then buy them. This started out like any other time.)

Customer: “Yo, you all sell condoms?”

Me: “Yes, right over there.” *point to where they are*

Customer: “What?! You only sell 3-packs? You don’t sell single condoms? See, this is why people be having babies!”

(I stood there stunned as he kicked our door open and left.)

Wants The Number Of The Devil

| Robeline, LA, USA | At The Checkout, Love/Romance, Religion

Customer: *leering* “I need $15 worth of [Cell Company] minutes and your phone number, sweetness.”

Me: *pretending I didn’t hear the last part* “$15 of [Cell Company] minutes. Okay.”

Customer: *smirking* “And your phone number.”

Me: *curtly* “Not happening. I have a boyfriend.” *prints the slip* “It’s $15.50.”

Customer: *pays in exact change* “So, did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?”

Me: *deadpan* “What are you talking about? I clawed my way up from Hell.”

(He quickly left and hasn’t asked for my number since.)

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