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    Beauty Is In The Eyeglasses Of The Beholder

    | Robeline, LA, USA | Bizarre, Love/Romance

    (A customer approaches the counter with a soda just as I’m wiping my eyeglasses.)

    Customer: “No!”

    Me: “Sorry? No what?”

    Customer: “No! You’ve got to put your glasses back on!”

    Me: “Yeah, I know. I’ve got to wear them because I’m nearly blind.”

    (I slide my glasses back on.)

    Customer: “No, it’s just that you’re much too pretty without them. You’re better off if you keep them on.”

    Me: “…What?”

    Customer: “Yes, you have to keep them on or the men will be hitting on you in droves! You’ll have to have a stick to beat them off!”

    (I hold up my left hand and point to my promise ring.)

    Me: “No, this usually stops ‘em cold.”

    Customer: “NO! The glasses are what stops them!”

    Me: “Okay… So, that’ll be $1.77, sir.”

    (The customer pays and returns to normal. However, as he walks out the door…)

    Customer: “I’M TELLING YOU IT’S THE GLASSES!”

    Throwing Around Bags Of Blame

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

    (I am ringing up an older customer—Customer #1—who has always been a bit difficult. I have a line and am trying to get it down as much as possible. The customer forgets her bag, so I put it aside in case she comes back—which she does. By now, I am serving a second customer.)

    Customer #1: “Did I leave a bag here?”

    Me: “Yeah, I have it right here for you.”

    Customer #1: “It’s your fault I left it here!”

    Me: “Oh? How is that?”

    Customer #1: “You were too busy and didn’t tell me how many bags I had! It’s all your fault! This is horrible customer service! I won’t be back!”

    (Fortunately, Customer #2 speaks up in my defense.)

    Customer #2: “How exactly is it your fault that she forgot something?”

    Me: *sarcastic* “Not sure. It’s obvious she’s never forgotten one before…”

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 20

    | Scotland | At The Checkout, Money

    Scotland, UK

    (A customer comes to the counter with a cauliflower, and a bag of potatoes.)

    Me: “Okay, that’s £3.36.”

    Customer: “What? How much is the cauliflower?”

    Me: “It’s £1.36.”

    Customer: “£1.36? That’s ridiculous! That’s about twice the price of [local supermarket]. I can’t afford to pay that much on my pension!”

    Me: “Would you like me to take it off?”

    Customer: “Yes please. I can’t possibly afford it. Oh, and can you give me two £5 scratch-cards please?”

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 19
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 18
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 17
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 16
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 15
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 14
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 13
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12

    Insulting Jitsu, And Then It Hits You

    | CO, USA | At The Checkout, Themed Giveaway, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work near a campus which is currently in finals-week, so quite a few students come in early to get a pick-me-up before their exams. Five customers are in line; four regulars, followed by an impatient customer at the end. )

    Impatient Customer: “Gods! Why can’t this b**** work the cash register faster? I’ve got some important things to do!”

    Regular #1: “Calm down, buddy. She’s doing just fine.”

    Regular #3: “Yeah. Like what you have to do is important to any of us.”

    Regular #4: “Seriously. We’re all in a hurry here.”

    Impatient Customer: “Yeah? Well, he’s not!”

    (The impatient customer points at Regular #2.)

    Impatient Customer: “I’m getting in front of him!”

    (Regular #2 is very young, and looks like a college student at first glance. He also always comes in looking like he’s asleep, but gets in and out with no problem.)

    Impatient Customer: “This dumb-a** probably stayed up all night cramming for his test! Stop leaving s*** until the last second dumb-a**!”

    (The impatient customer starts forcing his way forward. As soon as he touches Regular #2, there is a blur of motion, and the impatient customer is flying towards a display. Another blur of motion occurs, and Regular #2 is standing in front of the display and the impatient customer is on the floor near the door instead.)

    Regulars #1, #3 And #4: “What just happened?!”

    Regular #2: “I didn’t want him crashing into the display and causing more work for this little lady here.”

    Me: “[Regular #2's name] has practiced martial arts since he was eight. He helps out at [local dojo I go to].”

    Regular #2: *to the impatient customer* “Also, aren’t you the lead for [name] with [company name]?”

    Impatient Customer: “How’d you know that?”

    Regular #2: “Because I’m the developer for the product you’ve requested from [other company name]. I’m going to be so glad to tell your boss this product isn’t viable, because his lead is impossible to work with. I do hope you enjoy your wait in line, because I’m going to personally make your workday miserable.”

    A Competitive Throwdown Of The Stock

    | UK | Money, Themed Giveaway, Wild & Unruly

    (An older customer is looking at the sweets.)

    Old Customer: “How much is this bar of chocolate?”

    Me: “That’s [amount].”

    Old Customer: “Really? it is only [smaller amount] at [competitor].”

    (The old customer puts the chocolate bar down, and picks up a packet of crisps.)

    Old Customer: “How much are these?”

    Me: “Those are [amount].”

    (The old customer huffs and throws them down.)

    Old Customer: “That is outrageous! They are only [smaller amount] at [competitor]!”

    Me: “I am sorry, but because they are a large chain store, they can charge a little better than us. Because we are independent, our prices are a little higher.”

    Old Customer: “You are just trying to rob an old lady! These are cheaper at [competitor]; you should be ashamed!”

    (The old customer starts to throw the chocolates around.)

    Me: “You’re more than welcome to shop there, ma’am. Please stop throwing those on the floor.”

    Old Customer: “Why would I go there! It’s half way across town! You expect an old lady to walk all that way! You are a disgrace with no respect for your elders!”

    (She starts to walk out of the shop.)

    Old Customer: “You are robbers! Daylight robbers!”

    (She leaves by throwing more stock on the floor.)


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