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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Live By The Sword And Following A Code(words)

    , | Armstrong, BC, Canada | Bizarre

    (My coworker goes outside to help some customers on our full-serve pumps, while I stay inside to watch the store. As he walks back in, one customer follows. I recognise him as a regular, and also a bit of an oddball. When they enter, the following conversation ensues.)

    Customer: “It was nice talking to you. It was good.”

    (He holds out his hand, and my coworker shakes it, somewhat dubiously.)

    Coworker: “Yeah, sure.”

    Customer: “We’ll meet tomorrow at the same place as usual. Under the bridge.”

    (I have no idea what he’s talking about, and it’s clear from his expression that my coworker has no idea either. However, he nods and goes with it.)

    Customer: “10 o’clock. Make sure you bring your sword.”

    Coworker: “…yeah, for sure.”

    (The customer then leaves. As soon as he’s gone, my coworker and I look at each other incredulously.)

    Me: “What the f*** was that?”

    Coworker: “I have no idea! That was weird. Oh, wait, he’s coming back.”

    (Sure enough, the customer is walking back inside.)

    Customer: “I’ll need to get a new sword, though. Mine shattered last time. So, yeah I’ll need a new one. See you tomorrow. 10 o’clock.”

    Coworker: “Yeah, yeah, sure. See you there.”

    A Stupid Call By Any Metric

    | OH, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I am working as a third shift clerk in a convenience store. It is nothing unusual to get some very odd phone calls on my night shifts.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Does your store carry Magnum condoms?”

    (This is actually a pretty common question.)

    Me: “No, but we do carry Durex XXL.”

    Caller: “Do you think you could handle nine inches?”

    Me: “Sir, turn your ruler around. You’re looking at centimeters. Don’t neglect your lotion and tissues. Have a good night!”

    Caller: “Ummm…” *click*

    Weathering Demanding Customers

    | Bangor, Wales, UK | Crazy Requests, Tourists/Travel

    (I work in a large supermarket in a tourist-y area. The last few years there has been almost persistent snow cover on the mountains from November through February. This December, however, has been really mild with temperatures consistently in the high single figures or low double figures. I am approached as I am stacking some shelves.)

    Customer: “WHERE’S THE SNOW?!”

    Me: “Erm… excuse me, sorry? Snow? I don’t follow.”

    Customer: “You know! SNOW! I was promised there’d be snow!”

    Me: *thinking he must mean a product* “Can you describe it? I can show you our seasonal aisle if you want to browse for tree decorations and ornaments.”

    Customer: “No! I want ACTUAL snow. Like, falling from the sky. They said it would be the coldest winter on record. I booked a holiday here especially!”

    Me: “Erm… sorry that the weather’s mild. I don’t know what you want me to do about it, though?”

    Customer: “Tell me why there’s no snow!”

    Me: “Well, the wind is coming from the south-west, instead of the north. I guess it’s warmer where it came from than where it’s going and keeping our temperatures mild.”

    Customer: *walks off* “THERE’S NO SNOW!”

    (I was left there standing and wondering what had just happened.)

    Been Called All The Names In The Hundred-Acre Wood

    | Jackson, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I have have been called just about every name in the book. I am refusing to sell beer to a customer who is too drunk.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, you’re just too intoxicated and I can’t let you have it.”

    Drunk: “I’m not driving so what the f*** is your problem, fat-a**!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; can’t do it.”

    Drunk: “Come on, man. I won’t tell.”

    Me: *being very nice as it does really bug them when I don’t get mad* “Sorry, guy, still can’t sell.”

    Drunk: *getting REALLY UPSET* “You know what you are? You’re a Pooh butt! You’re a Winnie the Pooh butt!”

    (I’ve heard everything but not that, so I started laughing really hard which got him more and more upset. I told him that was the funniest thing I had ever been called and he got REALLY mad and just walked out.)

    Tazed And Confused

    | Melbourne, FL, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a new worker at a big convenience store. It’s near Christmas, a few weeks after Halloween. A mother and her daughter, looking about 10 or 11, walk in and pause near my aisle.)

    Daughter: “Hey, Mom I have a cramp! Did you know that your whole BODY does a cramp if you’re tazed?”

    Woman: “Do you wanna know how to avoid that?”

    Daughter: “Don’t go to Black Friday?”

    Woman: “No, silly, I meant the cramps.”

    Daughter: “Oh.”

    (That made my day, and I am now afraid to work on Black Friday!)

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