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    The Joys Of Motherhood

    | Virginia, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (A mom and little girl are waiting in line. I watch from a different line.)

    Little Girl: “Can I have this candy?”

    Mom: “No, put it back.”

    Little Girl: “But that’s not fair! That’s not fair!”

    Mom: “Cut that out!”

    Little Girl: *takes a deep breath and calms down, then turns to her mom* “I’m killing you. I’m going to kill you.”

    Mom: “…”

    Why Honesty Is Not Always The Best Policy

    | Texas, USA |

    (Years ago I was working the closing shift at a local convenience store. It was late when a very elderly man came in and bought a six pack of beer, cigarettes and condoms. After ringing up the sale…)

    Me: “Have a good night Sir!”

    Him: “Oh I will, the missus is out of town!”

    Me: *shocked and speechless*

    Easy Come, Easy Go

    | Philadelphia, PA |

    *customer walks in*

    Me: “Hi, how are you tonight?”

    Customer: “Have you prayed today?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

    Customer: “You better pray or you’ll go to hell.”

    Me: “Wow, okay.”

    Customer: “Beelzebub has a devil put aside for you.”

    Me: “FOR ME!!! FOR ME!!! FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!” *awesome air guitaring, a la Queen*

    *customer walks out*

    (Background story: the customer was one of those crazy people who had come in for whatever it was and she is always talking about jesus. If anybody else had been in the store I wouldn’t have done the Queen thing but it was too much to pass up.)

    It Tastes (And Flows) Like Water Anyway

    | Toledo, OH, USA |

    Me, to a customer opening the beer cooler: “I’m sorry, but alcohol sales close at midnight.”

    Customer: “That’s ok, I’m just getting beer.”

    Taking This Out Of Context Could Be Bad

    | Storrs, CT, USA |

    (Hanging by the coffee dispenser)

    Campus police officer 1 to campus police officer 2: “I smell bacon, is that you?”

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