November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Noon, Not Too Soon

| Albuquerque, NM, USA | Uncategorized

(One of my regulars walks into the store on a Sunday morning.)

Customer: “Sir? Are you selling alcohol today?”

Me: “Yeah, but not until noon.”

(The man stares at me blankly before replying.)

Customer: “So, like one?”

Me: “No, at noon.”

Customer: “So, one then?”

(I am rather confused at this point because I know he hears what I’m saying.)

Me: “No, noon’s before one.”

(He starts getting really upset with me.)

Customer: “What is this ‘noon’? I don’t know what a ‘noon’ is! Where is a ‘noon’ on a clock? Does it say ‘noon’ on your clock? When is that?!”

(I stand there dumbfounded for a few seconds.)

Me: “Twelve, sir.”

Customer: “Thank you!” *leaves store*

My Daddy Pays For Necessities

| Blacksburg, VA, USA | At The Checkout

(Two girls are walking up to my register with a large quantity of beer.)

Girl #1: “I know it sucks, but you have to remember that we have to live in the real world now.”

Girl #2: “I know. I think I might hate the real world.”

(I check their IDs and tell them the total. The girl paying hands me her college charge card.)

Me: “You do realize that in the real world, your parents don’t buy your alcohol, right?”

This Customer Has Trouble Written All Over Her

| Dallas, TX, USA | Uncategorized

(A young girl comes up to the counter to purchase cigarettes.)

Me: “Can I see your ID, please?”

(The customer sticks out her arm, revealing a very poorly done tattoo.)

Customer: “See, I am 18. I have a tattoo. You have to be 18 to get one.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that is not an acceptable form of ID. I can’t sell you these unless you have a state approved ID.”

Customer: “So I got this crappy tattoo for nothing? My friend said I could use it to get cigarettes!”

This Customer Has Trouble Written All Over Him
She Has Trouble Written All Over Her

Getting Ham-pered

| Memphis, TN, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer walks over to my counter and asks if he left his shopping basket after he paid.)

Me: *jokingly* “Not unless you only bought expired ham, sir.”

Customer: “Could I have that expired ham?”

Me: “No, sir. We have to log it and throw it out.”

Customer: “Well, if you’re just going to throw it out, can I have it?”

Me: “No, sir. I have to take it out to the dumpster.”

Customer: “Well, what if I watch where you throw it out, and then take it?”

Me: “That would be stealing.”

Customer: “Well, could I just buy it, then?”

Me: “No, that would be a liability. We could sell you some fresh ham, if you like.”

Customer: “But I don’t want fresh ham!”

Quite Dim At Sums

| Lewiston, ID, USA | Uncategorized

(The customer punches in her debit number at the end of the transaction.)

Customer: “Now, which key do I press?”

(There are 3 buttons. Cancel (x, red button), back (left arrow, yellow button) and enter (carriage return, green button).)

Me: “The green one.”

Customer: “I can’t read those Chinese pictures.”