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    We All Feel Your Pain

    | Altoona, PA, USA |

    (I was in line to pay for a snack at a local convenience store when an elderly woman comes in, heads right to the front of the line.)

    Customer: “My gas tank isn’t filled.”

    Employee: “I’m sorry, I’m waiting on these customers right now. ¬†If you get in line, I’ll be happy to–”

    Customer: “No!¬†Your gas isn’t filling my tank, and I want to know why.”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, may I help you?”

    Customer: “Your gas doesn’t fill up my tank. I came in with less than half a tank and your gas didn’t even fill it up three quarters of the way!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am. ¬†I’ll have someone come in and look at the pump you were using. ¬†For right now, you’re welcome to go to one of our other pumps and finish filling your tank.”

    Employee, to the manager: “She only prepaid $10…”

    Manager: “You prepaid for $10 of gas?”

    Customer: “That’s right.”

    Manager: “And… $10 isn’t… filling your tank….”

    Customer: “When my husband, God rest his soul, pumped gas, he used to pay $10 and it would fill up our tank.”

    Manager: “When was this?”

    Customer: “That doesn’t matter! ¬†My son-in-law has been pumping my gas since. ¬†I’ve given him $10 and it’s filled up my tank every time. You’re trying to take advantage of me because I’m an old woman!”

    Manager: “No, ma’am… the price of gas has gone up quite a bit in the last few years… It costs me almost $50 to fill my car–”

    Customer: “Don’t give me that! ¬†It’s always cost me $10… I’m going right to the Better Business Bureau and the Attorney General’s Office!”

    Manager: “Yes, ma’am. Sorry about the trouble. Good luck with all that…”

    The Joys Of Motherhood

    | Virginia, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (A mom and little girl are waiting in line. I watch from a different line.)

    Little Girl: “Can I have this candy?”

    Mom: “No, put it back.”

    Little Girl: “But that’s not fair! That’s not fair!”

    Mom: “Cut that out!”

    Little Girl: *takes a deep breath and calms down, then turns to her mom* “I’m killing you. I’m going to kill you.”

    Mom: “…”

    Why Honesty Is Not Always The Best Policy

    | Texas, USA |

    (Years ago I was working the closing shift at a local convenience store. It was late when a very elderly man came in and bought a six pack of beer, cigarettes and condoms. After ringing up the sale…)

    Me: “Have a good night Sir!”

    Him: “Oh I will, the missus is out of town!”

    Me: *shocked and speechless*

    Easy Come, Easy Go

    | Philadelphia, PA |

    *customer walks in*

    Me: “Hi, how are you tonight?”

    Customer: “Have you prayed today?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

    Customer: “You better pray or you’ll go to hell.”

    Me: “Wow, okay.”

    Customer: “Beelzebub has a devil put aside for you.”

    Me: “FOR ME!!! FOR ME!!! FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!” *awesome air guitaring, a la Queen*

    *customer walks out*

    (Background story: the customer was one of those crazy people who had come in for whatever it was and she is always talking about jesus. If anybody else had been in the store I wouldn’t have done the Queen thing but it was too much to pass up.)

    It Tastes (And Flows) Like Water Anyway

    | Toledo, OH, USA |

    Me, to a customer opening the beer cooler: “I’m sorry, but alcohol sales close at midnight.”

    Customer: “That’s ok, I’m just getting beer.”

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