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    When Bygones Mean Bi-Gones

    | Kentucky, USA | Funny Names, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “You’re not from around here are you?”

    Customer: “Nope, I’m from Canada.”

    Me: “Oh cool! Do you speak French?”

    Customer: “Yup, I’m bilingual.”

    Other Customer In Line: “Down here, if something’s bi, we shoot it.”

    Trouble Brewing, Part 2

    | Midland, TX, USA |

    (An obviously underage girl sets a 12 pack of beer on counter.)

    Me: “Hi, how’s it going? Can I see your ID?”

    Customer: “Sure!”

    Me: *checks DOB on ID.* “Uhh, ma’am? This says you’re only 17. I can’t sell you the beer.”

    Customer: “What! Let me see that!” *checks ID* “D*** it! I gave you the wrong one. Well, can I buy a pack of cigarettes?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Why the h*** not?”

    Related:
    Trouble Brewing

    Information Underload

    | Seattle, WA, USA |

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, just slide your card and either select credit or enter your PIN.”

    Customer: “It says credit. This is a debit.”

    Me: “I know, ma’am. Just enter your PIN for debit.”

    Customer: “But it says credit!”

    Me: “I know, just put in your PIN like on any debit machine.”

    Customer: “But the button on the screen says credit!”

    (Seeing no end to this conversation, I put my hand over the screen and block her view of it.)

    Me: “Okay, now enter your PIN.”

    (She does so, and not surprisingly her groceries are paid for.)

    Random Acts Of Wetness

    | Eau Claire, WI, USA |

    (I work at a convenience store with an automatic car wash that’s located in a seedy part of town. One day, a man walks in wearing a pure white t-shirt and jeans, both liberally smeared with his own feces.)

    Man: “Help! Help! Man, you gotta come help!”

    Me: “Are you okay? Do you need me to call an ambulance for you or something?”

    Man: “No! You gotta get out here?”

    Me: “What’s wrong? Do I need to call the cops?”

    Man: “No! In the car wash! You gotta help!”

    (I go outside to the car wash when a little old lady–completely soaking wet–bumps into me and shoves her car keys in my hand.)

    Little old lady: “You go! You wash car!”

    (As I walk into the car wash, I see that she missed the wheel guides when she drove in.)

    Me: “What–”

    Little old lady: “You wash d*** car now, please!”

    (I take her keys and get her car in the wash correctly. About halfway through the five-minute cycle, I realize that I just left the store unattended and begin thinking the worst. Finally, the wash is done and I drive around to the front of the store. I’m surprised to see the soaking wet lady standing in front of the entrance with her arms spread wide, blocking anyone from entering. There’s a line of about a dozen customers in front of her that stretches down the sidewalk. I get out and give her back her keys.)

    Little old lady: “Thank you! You nice young man!”

    First customer in line after the lady: “What the h*** just happened?!”

    (As for the man covered in feces, I later found out that there was nothing wrong with him besides the fact that he routinely gets so drunk that he craps himself.)

    Till Cyanide Do Us Part

    | Green Bay, WI, USA |

    (Note: My boyfriend recently gave me a promise ring; it has a very high setting.)

    Customer #1: “I love your ring. Where did you get it?”

    Me: “Oh thanks! My boyfriend gave it to me.”

    Customer #2: “Does it open up?”

    Me: “Um, I don’t think so.”

    Customer #2: “Because you know, it could be one of those rings that open up to hold poison.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer #1: “I don’t think her boyfriend would give her a ring that holds poison.”

    Customer #2: “You never know…”

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