Express (Death) Row

| New Jersey, USA | At The Checkout, Uncategorized

(Customer #1 is slowly packing up her receipt, change, etc., while Customer #2, an elderly gentleman, is waiting patiently behind her.)

Customer #1: *noticing Customer #2* “Oh, I’m sorry I’m taking up so much of your time.”

Customer #2: “Oh, that’s okay. I’m just waiting to die.”

Sadly, There Is No Cure For Rudeness

| North Battleford, SK, Canada | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Top

(I have psoriasis, a hereditary condition which leaves me with large red patches on my scalp. This occurs while I am waiting in line at a convenience store with a woman standing behind me.)

Customer: "What’s wrong with you?"

Me: "I beg your pardon?"

Customer: "Those ugly blotches all over your head. What do you have?"

Me: "Oh, it’s a highly contagious flesh eating disease. Very painful."

Customer: "Oh my gosh! Really? How contagious is it?"

Me: "Well, you probably already have it."

Customer: *rushes out of the store in a panic*

They Must Have Learned From Vader’s Wheezing Problem

| Calgary, AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Movies & TV, Uncategorized

(An angry looking young couple storms into the convenience store.)

Man: “You sell cigarettes?”

Me: “Yes.”

Man: “You smoking b******!”

Me: “I don’t smoke. I’m not the one that picks out the–”

Woan: “That is f***ing illegal!”

Me: “No, actually, it’s not.”

(The woman pulls something out of her purse and writes a message on it. She slams it on the counter and she and her husband storm off. I look at it later and it is a picture of a Death Star. The message reads ‘This is coming to get you!’.)

Time Waits For No Ham

| Pittsburgh, PA,USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

(I work at a gas station that offers made-to-order sandwiches. A customer uses a computer to place their order and gets an order number that is called once their sandwich is made).

Customer: “I’m here for my ham sandwich.”

Me: “Okay. What is your order number?”

Customer: “Here, it’s 433. I know I’m a few minutes late.”

Me: “Sir, that order was ready three hours ago. We threw it away when it sat for half an hour.”

Customer: “But it’s only 4:40. It has only been 7 minutes.”

Me: “That is your order number, not the time you are suppose to pick up your order.”

Customer: “Oh, I was wondering why the time didn’t have the dots between the hour and minutes!”

Cash Back, Government Style

| United Kingdom | At The Checkout, Uncategorized

Me: “Okay, that’s £10.00 please.”

Customer: *handing me cash* “Could I have £10 cash-back as well, please?”

Me: “I’m sorry, you need to pay on your card to get cash-back.”

Customer: “Oh, do you?”

Me: “Yes, otherwise we’d just be giving you money.”

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