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    Stuck In Reverse

    | Loudon, NH, USA |

    (Note: I am a woman that works at a convenience store nearby a motor speedway.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, is there anything else I can help you with?”

    Male customer: “No, the only thing left I need is someone to tell me who is in which car racing today. You wouldn’t know anything about that.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but why wouldn’t I know anything about the race?”

    Male customer: “Well, ’cause you’re a woman!”

    Me: “Okay, sir, so what you’re saying is because I’m a woman I can’t possibly know anything about Jeff Gordon in 24, Ryan Newman in 39, or Tony Stewart in 14. Did I miss anyone that you were particularly interested in?”

    Male customer: “Umm…no?”

    Me: “Okay, then. Thank you and come again!”

    (The customer looks down, takes his items, and walks out of the store. The next customer is also male.)

    Next Customer: “So, what do you think about Stewarts’ chances this race?”

    My Cup Runneth Over With Confusion

    | Canada |

    Customer: “I’d like three vanilla soft serve, please.”

    Me: “Sure thing. Would you like that in a cup or a cone?”

    Customer: “What’s the difference?”

    Me: “One is in a cup, and one is in a cone.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll have them in cups.”

    (I make the soft serve, put them in cups and hand them to the customer.)

    Customer: “This isn’t what I wanted. They’re in plastic cups.”

    Me: “I thought you said you wanted them in cups.”

    Customer: “By cup, I thought you meant, like…a cup cone. Some kind of cone in the shape of a cup!”

    Infinitely Loopy But Happy As A Clam

    | New Hampshire, USA |

    Me: “[Convenience store], how can I help you? ”

    Caller: “Just wondering…what’s the soup special today?”

    Me: “Clam chowder, sir. ”

    Caller: “Are there any other soups or stews on?”

    Me: “Not today, sir.”

    Caller: “But do you have any soup or stew on special besides clam chowder today?”

    Me: “Nope, just clam chowder. That’s our only soup special today.”

    Caller: “But what about any other hot liquid foods? Any of those besides clam chowder?”

    Me: “No, sir, just the chowder.”

    Caller: “What’s your name?”

    Me: “Lily, sir.”

    Caller: “Lily, that’s a nice name. I’m Tim. I’m wondering if you have any soups on special today besides clam chowder?”

    Me: “No, Tim, just the chowder.”

    Caller: “Okay, thank you!” *hangs up*

    (Not surprisingly, the phone rings again about a minute later.)

    Me: “[Convenience store], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “May I speak to Lily, please?”

    Me: “This is Lily.”

    Caller: “Hi Lily, it’s Tim. Do you have any soups besides clam chowder on special today?”

    Me: “…”

    Related:
    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition
    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition, Part 2
    Laziness Is The Father Of Repetition

    I Get By With A Little Help From Employees

    | Torrance, CA, USA |

    (I walk into a convenience store, and the only clerk in the store is helping an older man in a dress shirt button up his shirt. The man in the shirt notices me walk in.)

    Man: “Hey buddy, you mind helping me button up this top button?”

    Me: “Um, OK…”

    (The man approaches me and, after much effort, I manage to get his top button tied. The shirt is obviously way too small. He thanks me and the clerk, then heads out the door, buttoning the rest of his shirt.)

    Clerk: “Thanks. That’s the third time he’s been in here this week.”

    The Royal Kiss-Off

    | Arlington, VA, USA |

    (There was a really long line at the convenience store I work at. A female customer at the back of the line was calling out to me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, sir, I’d like to purchase this item.”

    Me: “Um…there’s a line of about 10 people in front of you. You have to wait for them.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want to!”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “This is an outrage! I’m a queen!”

    Me: “…of where?”

    Customer: “Oompaloompaland!”

    Me: “Um…sorry to break it to you, but Oompaloompaland only exists in books.”

    Customer: “That’s it!” *storms out*

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