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Why Use A Magazine When Real Life Is Free?!

, , , , , | Right | September 9, 2022

A customer comes up to me brandishing a magazine and looking livid.

Customer: “You shouldn’t have this on display at a grocery store! It is pornography and should not be visible for children to see!”

Me: “I see, sir. That’s the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, and it is not actually—”

Customer: “I’m glad my kids are on vacation, so they don’t have to be subjected to its perversion!”

Me: *Trying to defuse the situation* “Oh, how nice! Where did they go on vacation?”

Customer: “The beach.”

Complaining Is Like A Religion To Them

, , , , , | Right | September 6, 2022

I’m working a nine-and-a-half-hour shift on a very busy overnight at the convenience store. Seven am finally arrives, and I clock out, grab my keys, and head to my car, which is across the parking lot. I still have my nametag on.

An older woman comes up to me.

Older Woman: “Would you like to go to church with me?”

Me: “Thank you, but I will have to politely decline; my wife is waiting for me at home.”

Older Woman: “What church do you go to?”

This is not an altogether uncommon question in the South.

Me: “I prefer not to give out information about my life outside of work.”

I then say goodbye, thank her for her offer, and go home.

Three weeks later, at my one-on-one meeting with my manager, he tells me that someone complained to corporate about me and asks if I remember a customer inviting me to church.

He hands me the complaint, which I still have hanging on my fridge.

Complaint: “Dear [Company],

“I want to express my concern regarding one of your employees. He works Saturday overnight at [Location], and his name tag said [My Name]. On August 26, as he was leaving, I met him in the parking lot and invited him to come with me to church.

“While he was polite enough, he declined, and then he refused to answer me when I asked him which church he attended. It is clear to me that he is an atheist, and I must ask that he be fired. It is a terrible thing to be giving non-believers jobs when there are plenty of good Christian-folk who do not have them.

“Thank you for your time, [Older Woman].”

I look up from reading it, and even my manager is shaking his head at it. The response from my company is something along the lines of offering her a gift card, apologizing for the inconvenience, and dancing around the issue that they cannot fire me for not going to church with a customer.

Manager: “Good job at being called polite in a complaint, and remember not to do that thing again.”

Me: “What thing?”

Manager: “I have no idea.”

That’s still the most ludicrous complaint I’ve ever received.

Unless They Plan On Giving You Four Sandwiches…

, , , , , , , | Working | August 15, 2022

I went to a convenience store near my apartment to buy a grab-and-go sub when this happened at the register.

Cashier: “$25.82.”

Me: “How many times did you scan that?”

The cashier paused.

Cashier: “$6.45.”

The Lord May Flip Tables And Crack Whips, But He Doesn’t Shoplift

, , , , , , | Right | August 4, 2022

I witnessed this exchange between a shabbily-dressed man and a cashier at a large convenience store.

Cashier: “May I see your ID, please?”

Customer: “What for?”

Cashier: “I’m required to ask for ID for all tobacco purchases.”

Customer: I am the Lord! And the Lord doesn’t need to show ID!”

The man angrily rushes around the counter. The cashier backs away in fear, but the man isn’t interested in her. He grabs a canister of chewing tobacco and runs out of the store while the cashier yells something at him about shoplifting.

After the commotion, a little old lady in line pipes up to share her opinion.

Little Old Lady: “If the Lord needed to buy chewing tobacco — which I doubt — He would certainly be willing to show ID because that’s the law. I don’t think that man really is the Lord.”

Lazy, Rude, And Tactless

, , , , , , , | Working | August 4, 2022

I worked at a local supermarket for four years. Two years and a few months into my time there, one of our local shoppers — an older guy — applies for a position and joins the team. A few weeks after his joining, word spreads that a promotion to supervisor is open, so of course, the new hire becomes the manager’s best friend and starts bossing everyone else around, even though he has less experience than the entire team. The experience is irritating for us all, but the new hire will soon find his bootlicking and alienating himself from the staff will come back to bite him.

Not long after the announcement, I get a call from my manager as they want to trial me for the supervisory position. I’m thrilled; I work my a**e off anyway, and I’m glad my managers have the sense to recognise that over the new hire’s antics. I pass the trial, and of course, when the new hire hears about my promotion in the weekly meeting, he isn’t too pleased. Overnight, he turns bitter, leaving jobs half done when I’m on duty or refusing to communicate with the team, all to make me look bad.

Of most concern, he gradually turns up later and later for his shifts. One day, he turns up to my shift almost one hour late. I give him a good dressing-down in the office, reminding him that his behaviour and lack of care for his role are not going to get him far. He goes back to work, but somehow I feel this isn’t over.

Fast forward a few weeks, I’m one hour into a night shift with [New Hire] and another employee. [New Hire] has turned up on time for a change and is on the shop floor whilst I’m in the back office. My phone rings with a call from [Employee #2].

Me: “Hello?”

Employee #2: “Hi, [My Name]. Um… I-I am gonna be a bit late tonight…”

From her tone of voice, it sounds like she has been crying. She informs me that her brother was just in a very nasty car accident and she’s going to the hospital with him.

Me: “Oh, my goodness. Look, it’s a Sunday night. Don’t worry about coming in. I’ll let [Manager] know. Keep us updated, okay? Take care, [Employee #2].”

I then dwell on how I’m going to break the news to [New Hire]. These are the types of excuses for his behaviour that he loves to exploit. Any time somebody’s late, he has a say on it. Any time somebody doesn’t stack beans correctly, he makes an entire show about how HE and he alone has to do it properly. He is almost fifty years old and picking fights with people half his age. It’s really, really pathetic. I take a deep breath and walk out to the floor.

Me: “[New Hire], [Employee #2] isn’t coming in tonight. It’s just going to be me and you.”

New Hire: “Oh, right?”

He folds his arms and pouts.

New Hire: “So, uh, who’s doing the stock for the floor, then?”

Me: “You will. I will try to help, but I have also the backlogs on the computer to finish tonight.”

New Hire: *Rolling his eyes* “Well, I mean, I might get busy with customers, sooo…”

Me: “Well, it’s a Sunday night, and it’s a week before payday, so I don’t see why it could get so busy for the next eight hours. But if you do need help, buzz for me.”

New Hire: *Scoffs* “Why is she even late, anyway?”

Me: “That I do not know.”

[New Hire] rolls his eyes one more time and says under his breath:

New Hire: “Don’t know a whole lot, do you? F****** idiot.”

I let the last comment go. I didn’t tell him the gravity of the situation because I don’t want to spread [Employee #2]’s affairs before she returns. Besides, it’s none of his business; why does he need to know? The next week, [Employee #2], [New Hire], and I are working. [Employee #2] arrives for work.

Me: “Hello, [Employee #2]. How are you doing? How’s your brother?”

Employee #2: “Hey, yeah, he’s all right. He’s sti—”

[New Hire] marches up behind her.

New Hire: “What’s this? You go AWOL for one day, and then you come back and everything’s just as if it didn’t happen?”

Me: “Uh… [New Hire]—”

New Hire: “No! I’ve got a right to be upset. I had to do all of her f****** s*** that day, including my own jobs. And I haven’t received so much as a thank-you or apology for it! And if this was me not bothering to show up like she f****** has, you would be tearing my head off!”

Me: “I think you’d better sit in the break room for ten minutes and cool off.”

Whilst he stewed and sulked, [Employee #2] was very obviously upset by [New Hire]’s remarks. I privately told her that he hadn’t been made aware of why she didn’t turn up. I then also called my manager, who arrived with brimstone in her eyes.

I wasn’t there to see it, but according to what my manager said later on, she explained first about [Employee #2]’s brother, and [New Hire] turned sheet white as she gave him quite possibly the biggest bollocking in his life. [New Hire] was sent home for the rest of the day and [Employee #2] carried on like a trooper as [Manager] and I closed up.

[New Hire] was allowed to remain employed, but he was later fired when he was found out for stealing gas credit from our top-up machine. Not a single person was sorry to see him go, and he would occasionally “pop by” to gloat about his new “amazing job, which he loved” until he was then banned when he was spotted weeing on our building.

By the way, [Employee #2]’s brother recovered, though he will need to use a wheelchair for the rest of his life as a result of his injuries.