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  • Loud And Clear-ly Annoying

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Family & Kids

    (I am a part time clerk assisting my manager on register during the morning rush. The next customer in line is a middle aged woman and her son who looks to be around eight.)

    Me: “Good morning. Is this all for you?”

    Boy: *yelling loudly* “GOOD MORNING, SIR. YOU’RE DOING A WONDERFUL JOB!”

    Me: “Well, thank you.”

    Boy: “SAY WHAT DID YOU SAY?”

    Me: “Um… thank you?”

    Boy: “SAY WHAT DID YOU SAY?”

    Me: *realizing the kid isn’t asking for me to repeat myself but giving a command* “Okay, what did you say?”

    Boy: *even louder* “GOOD MORNING, SIR. YOU’RE DOING A WONDERFUL JOB!”

    (My manager and several of the customers are looking our way, obviously annoyed with the boy. I tell the customer her total and she goes to pay.)

    Boy: “ARE YOU EVER GOING TO GET A REAL CAREER OR ARE YOU GOING TO TAKE TRASH OUT ALL YOUR LIFE?”

    (I blink and am at a total loss for words. Several other customers’ jaws drop and my manager is trying to keep from laughing.)

    Customer: “Oh, my goodness, I am so sorry! I can’t believe…”

    Boy: “GOOD MORNING, SIR. YOU’RE DOING A WONDERFUL JOB!”

    Gonna Spread Her Terror Across The Street

    , | NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Religion

    (I’m a customer waiting in line at a local convenience store. A man and a woman walk in, grab drinks out of the cooler and head for the register to pay. Suddenly, the woman throws the drink on the ground.)

    Woman: “Oh, h*** no! I don’t buy nothing from no towelhead, Muslim terrorists!”

    (The man behind the register, who is Middle Eastern, says nothing.)

    Woman: “You know what? F*** this place. I’m going to [Store across the street] and buy my stuff from Americans!”

    (Both of them storm out the door and head across the street. I walk up to the counter.)

    Me: “Well, that was interesting.”

    Clerk: “They’re not going to like it any better over there.”

    Me: “No?”

    Clerk: *laughing* “My brother owns that store!”

    Number Of The Beastly Coincidences

    | Uckfield, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Holidays, Money

    (I work in a small corner shop. It is Halloween and we’ve been busy on-and-off with kids making their way around the estate and trick-or-treating, and coming in to buy drinks. I’m approached by a kid I estimate to be in his early teens.)

    Me: “Hey, kiddo! Having fun?”

    Kid: “Yeah, not a bad haul so far. Just a bit thirsty; nobody hands out drinks!”

    Me: “No, I suppose they’re bulkier and more expensive, too.”

    Kid: “Yeah you’re probably right and th—” *sees the total on my screen* “Aww £6.67? Come ON! Could you give me a penny discount?”

    Me: “Er….

    Kid: “Guess my maths isn’t as good as I thought. I wanted it to be £6.66 for Halloween!”

    Me: “Well, I’m not authorised to give discount unless the items are damaged but [Similar Drinks] are a penny cheaper so you could swap out one of your [Original Items] if it really bothers you that much?”

    Kid: “Yes, please! One sec while I take this back and swap it!”

    (By this point there’s a small queue and the boy’s friends, who are waiting outside and clearly can’t hear what he’s doing but see him sprint back to the fridges, yell through the door for him to hurry up.)

    Me: “Okay, buddy! That’s now £6.66.”

    Kid: “Thanks! Can I get a receipt?”

    Me: “Sure, have a good Halloween!”

    (As the kid approaches the door he starts waving his receipt at his friends.)

    Kid: “Guys! GUYS! LOOK! Weirdest coincidence ever! I just grabbed some random drinks and the total was £6.66. How spooky is that?!”

    (The customer behind him turned to me and just raised her eyebrows!)

    Seems To Be Their Calling Card

    | USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid

     

    (A customer has just left after paying for their stuff with a credit card. A few minutes later…)

    Customer: “Hi, again. I left my credit card behind. Have you seen it?”

    Me: “Let me see.” *looks around the register, counter, and pin-pad machine* “Is it on the floor?”

    Customer: “No. Well, where is it?”

    Me: “I do not know.”

    Customer: “You didn’t check out anyone else, did you?”

    Me: “I have not.”

    Customer: “I checked my purse, my pockets, and my bags. I can’t find it. Do you have it?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I haven’t seen it.”

    Customer: “You have it. Don’t lie to me. It’s not right to steal credit cards. Call your manager, now! You thief! Give me back my card!”

    (I call the manager up.)

    Manager: “Are you sure you checked everywhere?”

    Customer: “Just check him! I should be calling the police.”

    (I reveal my pockets. My manager checks all around my station, and then:)

    Customer: “Oh, silly me. I put it in my glasses case. Thank heavens I found it.”

    (The customer leaves.)

    Me: “No, no. Just forget that you were blatantly accusing me to be a thief. Feel free to leave without a heartfelt apology.”

    Manager: “Don’t worry. At least the police didn’t get involved this time.”

    Me: “This time?!”

    Read You Loud And Unclear

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Language & Words

    (One of my coworkers is a quiet, well-spoken man normally, but has an astonishingly loud voice if he wants to shout. My manager is also the shop owner, has a great sense of humor, and likes to let him use that voice in situations.)

    Customer: “A carton of [Brand] cigarettes, please.”

    Coworker: “Yes, sir. What kind?”

    Customer: “[Brand].”

    Coworker: “Yes, sir. Twenties, thirties, mild menthol, filtered or plain?”

    Customer: “[BRAND]!”

    Coworker: *just as loud* “Yes, sir. Twenties, thirties, mild menthol, filtered or plain?”

    Customer: *as loud as he can shout* “[BRAND]!”

    Coworker: *louder than the customer; painful to the ears* “YES, SIR! TWENTIES, THIRTIES, MILD, MENTHOL, FILTERED OR PLAIN?!”

    (The customer turns pale, and takes a step back.)

    Customer: *normal voice* “Er, um, sorry. What?”

    Coworker: *normal voice*  ”Twenties, thirties, mild menthol, filtered or plain?”

    Customer: “Oh. Twenties, filtered, plain. Thanks.”

    (The customer paid, and then left, turning back, looking, and shaking his head in disbelief.)

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