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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    | Seattle, WA, USA |

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, just slide your card and either select credit or enter your PIN.”

    Customer: “It says credit. This is a debit.”

    Me: “I know, ma’am. Just enter your PIN for debit.”

    Customer: “But it says credit!”

    Me: “I know, just put in your PIN like on any debit machine.”

    Customer: “But the button on the screen says credit!”

    (Seeing no end to this conversation, I put my hand over the screen and block her view of it.)

    Me: “Okay, now enter your PIN.”

    (She does so, and not surprisingly her groceries are paid for.)

    Random Acts Of Wetness

    | Eau Claire, WI, USA |

    (I work at a convenience store with an automatic car wash that’s located in a seedy part of town. One day, a man walks in wearing a pure white t-shirt and jeans, both liberally smeared with his own feces.)

    Man: “Help! Help! Man, you gotta come help!”

    Me: “Are you okay? Do you need me to call an ambulance for you or something?”

    Man: “No! You gotta get out here?”

    Me: “What’s wrong? Do I need to call the cops?”

    Man: “No! In the car wash! You gotta help!”

    (I go outside to the car wash when a little old lady–completely soaking wet–bumps into me and shoves her car keys in my hand.)

    Little old lady: “You go! You wash car!”

    (As I walk into the car wash, I see that she missed the wheel guides when she drove in.)

    Me: “What–”

    Little old lady: “You wash d*** car now, please!”

    (I take her keys and get her car in the wash correctly. About halfway through the five-minute cycle, I realize that I just left the store unattended and begin thinking the worst. Finally, the wash is done and I drive around to the front of the store. I’m surprised to see the soaking wet lady standing in front of the entrance with her arms spread wide, blocking anyone from entering. There’s a line of about a dozen customers in front of her that stretches down the sidewalk. I get out and give her back her keys.)

    Little old lady: “Thank you! You nice young man!”

    First customer in line after the lady: “What the h*** just happened?!”

    (As for the man covered in feces, I later found out that there was nothing wrong with him besides the fact that he routinely gets so drunk that he craps himself.)

    Till Cyanide Do Us Part

    | Green Bay, WI, USA |

    (Note: My boyfriend recently gave me a promise ring; it has a very high setting.)

    Customer #1: “I love your ring. Where did you get it?”

    Me: “Oh thanks! My boyfriend gave it to me.”

    Customer #2: “Does it open up?”

    Me: “Um, I don’t think so.”

    Customer #2: “Because you know, it could be one of those rings that open up to hold poison.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer #1: “I don’t think her boyfriend would give her a ring that holds poison.”

    Customer #2: “You never know…”

    Ruh Roh, Retroactive Rewards Rage

    | Pennsylvania, USA |

    Me: “…and your total will be ***. Would you like to join our rewards program? It’s a new program we’re offering where many of the items you purchase everyday will give you rewards toward future purchases.

    Customer: “You have a rewards program that could save me money?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. It’s a new program that we just started.”

    Customer: “Why the h*** didn’t anyone tell me about this before? I’ve been coming here for months, and no one has told me about this! How rude!”

    Me: “It’s a new program. We just started it today. In fact, you’re one of the first people that has been offered this reward.”

    Customer: “But I’ve been coming here for months! Do you know how much money I could have saved?!”

    Me: “It’s a new program–”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you wouldn’t have offered something like this to a regular customer when I started coming here! F*** you! I’m going to [competitor's store]!”

    Stuck In Reverse

    | Loudon, NH, USA |

    (Note: I am a woman that works at a convenience store nearby a motor speedway.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, is there anything else I can help you with?”

    Male customer: “No, the only thing left I need is someone to tell me who is in which car racing today. You wouldn’t know anything about that.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but why wouldn’t I know anything about the race?”

    Male customer: “Well, ’cause you’re a woman!”

    Me: “Okay, sir, so what you’re saying is because I’m a woman I can’t possibly know anything about Jeff Gordon in 24, Ryan Newman in 39, or Tony Stewart in 14. Did I miss anyone that you were particularly interested in?”

    Male customer: “Umm…no?”

    Me: “Okay, then. Thank you and come again!”

    (The customer looks down, takes his items, and walks out of the store. The next customer is also male.)

    Next Customer: “So, what do you think about Stewarts’ chances this race?”


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