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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    All The News That’s Fated To Print

    | New York, USA | Uncategorized

    (Note: this takes place on a Friday afternoon.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I know you’re probably not supposed to do this, but can I have Sunday’s paper?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Sunday’s paper. I’d like the coupons.”

    Me: “We actually don’t have any leftover—”

    Customer: “Leftover? No, no. I mean this coming Sunday.”

    Me: *confused* “But it’s Friday.”

    Customer: “I know, but I want to get a head start!”

    Even The Bank Of Dad Has Gone Under

    | New Orleans, LA, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (A dad and his three kids who are all around 7 or 8 years old is my checkout line. He is buying four six packs of tall cans of liquor.)

    Me: “That will be $26.”

    Dad: “Okay.” *pulls money out of his pockets* “Shoot, I only have $20.”

    (He turns to one of his kids.)

    Dad: “Yo, lend me six bucks.”

    Kid: “S***, get your own money!”

    Dad: “Come on, I just need six more dollars.”

    Kid: F*** you.”

    Dad: “Hey, come on! I’ll pay you back when we get home!”

    Kid: *hands him some money and mumbles* “Broke a** motherf***er.”

    Smoking Oneself Out

    | Portland, OR, USA | At The Checkout

    (We have a policy that if you look under 30, we must card you for age restricted items.)

    Customer: “Can I get a pack of [cigarettes]?”

    Me: “Can I see your ID?”

    Customer: “I don’t have ID on me.”

    Me: “Well, we have to see ID if you look under 30.”

    Customer: “I look under 30? Well, I’m 29.”

    If It Don’t Make Dollars, It Don’t Make Sense, Part 2

    | Michigan, USA | Money

    Customer: “Can I have a pack of [brand] cigarettes?”

    Me: “Sure, that’s $5.51.”

    Customer: “Are these the dollar-off ones?”

    (I look behind me. There are no dollar-off deals right now.)

    Me: “No, sorry, there’s no sale on that kind.”

    Customer: “That sign says ‘Save 30 cents on two packs.'”

    Me: “Yeah, but you have to buy two packs.”

    Customer: “Then will I save a dollar?”

    Me: “No, you’d save thirty cents.”

    Customer: “Why wouldn’t I save a dollar?”

    Me: “Because the sale is for thirty cents?”

    Customer: “Oh, okay…”

    Related:
    If It Don’t Make Dollars, It Don’t Make Sense

    Placebo Me, Part 2

    | USA | At The Checkout

    Customer: “I need a pack of blue [brand] 100’s please.”

    (I go and get exactly the cigarettes that she requested.)

    Me:“Here you go!”

    Customer: “No, I need the blue ones!”

    Me: “Ma’am, these are blue.” *points to the blue label*

    Customer: “No, I want the shorts.”

    (I return the 100’s for the kings, still blue.)

    Customer: “No! I wanted the BLUE ONE-HUNDREDS! Are you color blind? Do you not know what you’re doing?!”

    (I return the kings and return again with the exact same pack of blue 100’s that I gave her the first time.)

    Customer: “That’s better. You might want to get your hearing checked.”

    Related:Placebo Me

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