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    My Daddy Pays For Necessities

    | Blacksburg, VA, USA | At The Checkout

    (Two girls are walking up to my register with a large quantity of beer.)

    Girl #1: “I know it sucks, but you have to remember that we have to live in the real world now.”

    Girl #2: “I know. I think I might hate the real world.”

    (I check their IDs and tell them the total. The girl paying hands me her college charge card.)

    Me: “You do realize that in the real world, your parents don’t buy your alcohol, right?”

    This Customer Has Trouble Written All Over Her

    | Dallas, TX, USA |

    (A young girl comes up to the counter to purchase cigarettes.)

    Me: “Can I see your ID, please?”

    (The customer sticks out her arm, revealing a very poorly done tattoo.)

    Customer: “See, I am 18. I have a tattoo. You have to be 18 to get one.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but that is not an acceptable form of ID. I can’t sell you these unless you have a state approved ID.”

    Customer: “So I got this crappy tattoo for nothing? My friend said I could use it to get cigarettes!”

    Related:
    This Customer Has Trouble Written All Over Him
    She Has Trouble Written All Over Her

    Getting Ham-pered

    | Memphis, TN, USA |

    (A customer walks over to my counter and asks if he left his shopping basket after he paid.)

    Me: *jokingly* “Not unless you only bought expired ham, sir.”

    Customer: “Could I have that expired ham?”

    Me: “No, sir. We have to log it and throw it out.”

    Customer: “Well, if you’re just going to throw it out, can I have it?”

    Me: “No, sir. I have to take it out to the dumpster.”

    Customer: “Well, what if I watch where you throw it out, and then take it?”

    Me: “That would be stealing.”

    Customer: “Well, could I just buy it, then?”

    Me: “No, that would be a liability. We could sell you some fresh ham, if you like.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want fresh ham!”

    Quite Dim At Sums

    | Lewiston, ID, USA |

    (The customer punches in her debit number at the end of the transaction.)

    Customer: “Now, which key do I press?”

    (There are 3 buttons. Cancel (x, red button), back (left arrow, yellow button) and enter (carriage return, green button).)

    Me: “The green one.”

    Customer: “I can’t read those Chinese pictures.”

    Cigarettes Are His Achilles Heel

    | New Bedford, MA, USA |

    (A customer walks in, limping badly. His foot seems to be dragging lifelessly.)

    Me: “Are you alright, sir?”

    Customer: “No, I just shattered my ankle.”

    Me: “Do you want me to call you an ambulance?”

    Customer: “No, I just need a pack of smokes.”

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