Placebo Me, Part 2

| USA | At The Checkout

Customer: “I need a pack of blue [brand] 100’s please.”

(I go and get exactly the cigarettes that she requested.)

Me:“Here you go!”

Customer: “No, I need the blue ones!”

Me: “Ma’am, these are blue.” *points to the blue label*

Customer: “No, I want the shorts.”

(I return the 100’s for the kings, still blue.)

Customer: “No! I wanted the BLUE ONE-HUNDREDS! Are you color blind? Do you not know what you’re doing?!”

(I return the kings and return again with the exact same pack of blue 100’s that I gave her the first time.)

Customer: “That’s better. You might want to get your hearing checked.”

Related:Placebo Me

Size Matters, Part 3

| Visalia, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(I am mopping by our slushie machines when a man approaches me with an empty cup.)

Customer: *holds up our biggest cup size* “Is this a medium?”

Me: “No, that’s an extra-large. This one is the medium.” *shows him medium cup*

Customer: “Oh.”

(The man pulls out a large, which is clearly larger than the medium.)

Customer: “So, is this a small?”

Related:
Size Matters, Part 2
Size Matters

We Call This A Flirting Faux Pas

, | Shelton, CT, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m a new employee at a convenience store. I’m French and my accent is quite noticeable. A regular walks in.)

Me: “Hi, may I help you?”

Customer: “Oh, a newbie. I like your accent. French?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “I had a French girl once. I should have never let her go.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir.”

Customer: “I know one phrase. Je t’aime. Say it.”

Me: “Okay…Je t’aime.

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Me: “It means, ‘I love you.'”

Regular: *triumphantly* “I made you say that you love me!”

Me: *speechless*

You Got The Wrong(est) Audition

, | California, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

(I’m working a register as a odd looking man approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, sexy, I have a complaint.”

(I just ignore the “sexy” part and move on.)

Me: “What’s the problem, sir?”

Customer: “That’s not your line! Do you want me in this f***ing porno or what?!”

Me: “Excuse me?!”

Customer: “You aren’t the girl, are you?”

Me: “Um…I’m afraid not.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, then! Have a good day, miss! God bless you!”

Me: *speechless*

Related:
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 5
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 4
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
You Got The Wrong(est) Number

Natural Selection, Hard At Work

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(A customer comes with an old toolbox.)

Customer: “Hey, look what I found just outside…”

(The customer opens the metal toolbox filled with mushrooms.)

Customer: “I doubt they’re the kind that make you high.”

Me: “Um, I wouldn’t eat those. I think they’re destroying angel mushrooms, which are deadly poisonous.”

Customer: “If they are, then I’ll probably eat them!” *leaves the store and never returns*

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