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    Cigarettes Are His Achilles Heel

    | New Bedford, MA, USA |

    (A customer walks in, limping badly. His foot seems to be dragging lifelessly.)

    Me: “Are you alright, sir?”

    Customer: “No, I just shattered my ankle.”

    Me: “Do you want me to call you an ambulance?”

    Customer: “No, I just need a pack of smokes.”

    First Impressions Lead To Confessions

    | Allston, MA, USA | Top

    (I’m in the store office. From the camera screens, I can see a young man shoplifting. I hit the record, gathering evidence as he goes around the store. He is putting things into his pocket, jacket, etc. He next comes up to the back of the store, and knocks on the door to my office. I put the chain on the door before opening it.)

    Customer: “Hi. I’m [name]. I’m here for the job interview.”

    Time To Get Your Head(er) Checked

    | Logan, UT, USA | At The Checkout, Funny Names

    (Note that I am wearing a name tag with my name on it. At the top of our receipts, it says ‘Your Cashier Was’ and lists my name)

    Customer: *looks at receipt* “Your name’s Footer? That’s a strange name.”

    Me: “Uh, no. My name’s [name], like it says on my name tag. Why would you think my name was Footer?”

    Customer: “Because this receipt says your name is Footer!”

    Me: “May I see that?”

    Customer: *hands me the receipt*

    Me: “It has the right name here at the top.”

    Customer: “No, down at the bottom.”

    (I look at the bottom of the receipt. It says “Footer: Thank you for shopping at [store], have a nice day!)

    Socially Acceptable

    | Troy, NY, USA | Top

    (The shop I work in has a TV that plays the news 24/7. It has picked up a story about a judge ruling that the Obama health care bill was unconstitutional.)

    Customer: “Well good! It is unconstitutional! You can’t force anyone to get health care if they don’t want it. This country is becoming too socialist! We don’t need any socialist programs!”

    Me: *avoiding the topic* “Your total comes to [total].”

    Customer: “Alright, here you go.”

    (The customer hands me her food stamps card.)

    Express (Death) Row

    | New Jersey, USA | At The Checkout

    (Customer #1 is slowly packing up her receipt, change, etc., while Customer #2, an elderly gentleman, is waiting patiently behind her.)

    Customer #1: *noticing Customer #2* “Oh, I’m sorry I’m taking up so much of your time.”

    Customer #2: “Oh, that’s okay. I’m just waiting to die.”


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