(I have psoriasis, a hereditary condition which leaves me with large red patches on my scalp. This occurs while I am waiting in line at a convenience store with a woman standing behind me.)
Customer: "What’s wrong with you?"
Me: "I beg your pardon?"
Customer: "Those ugly blotches all over your head. What do you have?"
Me: "Oh, it’s a highly contagious flesh eating disease. Very painful."
Customer: "Oh my gosh! Really? How contagious is it?"
Me: "Well, you probably already have it."
Customer: *rushes out of the store in a panic*
(An angry looking young couple storms into the convenience store.)
Man: “You sell cigarettes?”
Man: “You smoking b******!”
Me: “I don’t smoke. I’m not the one that picks out the–”
Woan: “That is f***ing illegal!”
Me: “No, actually, it’s not.”
(The woman pulls something out of her purse and writes a message on it. She slams it on the counter and her and her husband storm off. I look at it later and it is a picture of a Death Star. The message reads ‘This is coming to get you!’.)
(I work at a gas station that offers made-to-order sandwiches. A customer uses a computer to place their order and gets an order number that is called once their sandwich is made).
Customer: “I’m here for my ham sandwich.”
Me: “Okay. What is your order number?”
Customer: “Here, it’s 433. I know I’m a few minutes late.”
Me: “Sir, that order was ready three hours ago. We threw it away when it sat for half an hour.”
Customer: “But it’s only 4:40. It has only been 7 minutes.”
Me: “That is your order number, not the time you are suppose to pick up your order.”
Customer: “Oh, I was wondering why the time didn’t have the dots between the hour and minutes!”
Me: “Okay, that’s £10.00 please.”
Customer: *handing me cash* “Could I have £10 cash-back as well, please?”
Me: “I’m sorry, you need to pay on your card to get cash-back.”
Customer: “Oh, do you?”
Me: “Yes, otherwise we’d just be giving you money.”
Me: “You’re not from around here are you?”
Customer: “Nope, I’m from Canada.”
Me: “Oh cool! Do you speak French?”
Customer: “Yup, I’m bilingual.”
Other Customer In Line: “Down here, if something’s bi, we shoot it.”