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    Smoking Oneself Out

    | Portland, OR, USA | At The Checkout

    (We have a policy that if you look under 30, we must card you for age restricted items.)

    Customer: “Can I get a pack of [cigarettes]?”

    Me: “Can I see your ID?”

    Customer: “I don’t have ID on me.”

    Me: “Well, we have to see ID if you look under 30.”

    Customer: “I look under 30? Well, I’m 29.”

    If It Don’t Make Dollars, It Don’t Make Sense, Part 2

    | Michigan, USA | Money

    Customer: “Can I have a pack of [brand] cigarettes?”

    Me: “Sure, that’s $5.51.”

    Customer: “Are these the dollar-off ones?”

    (I look behind me. There are no dollar-off deals right now.)

    Me: “No, sorry, there’s no sale on that kind.”

    Customer: “That sign says ‘Save 30 cents on two packs.’”

    Me: “Yeah, but you have to buy two packs.”

    Customer: “Then will I save a dollar?”

    Me: “No, you’d save thirty cents.”

    Customer: “Why wouldn’t I save a dollar?”

    Me: “Because the sale is for thirty cents?”

    Customer: “Oh, okay…”

    Related:
    If It Don’t Make Dollars, It Don’t Make Sense

    Placebo Me, Part 2

    | USA | At The Checkout

    Customer: “I need a pack of blue [brand] 100′s please.”

    (I go and get exactly the cigarettes that she requested.)

    Me:“Here you go!”

    Customer: “No, I need the blue ones!”

    Me: “Ma’am, these are blue.” *points to the blue label*

    Customer: “No, I want the shorts.”

    (I return the 100′s for the kings, still blue.)

    Customer: “No! I wanted the BLUE ONE-HUNDREDS! Are you color blind? Do you not know what you’re doing?!”

    (I return the kings and return again with the exact same pack of blue 100′s that I gave her the first time.)

    Customer: “That’s better. You might want to get your hearing checked.”

    Related:Placebo Me

    Size Matters, Part 3

    | Visalia, CA, USA |

    (I am mopping by our slushie machines when a man approaches me with an empty cup.)

    Customer: *holds up our biggest cup size* “Is this a medium?”

    Me: “No, that’s an extra-large. This one is the medium.” *shows him medium cup*

    Customer: “Oh.”

    (The man pulls out a large, which is clearly larger than the medium.)

    Customer: “So, is this a small?”

    Related:
    Size Matters, Part 2
    Size Matters

    We Call This A Flirting Faux Pas

    , | Shelton, CT, USA |

    (I’m a new employee at a convenience store. I’m French and my accent is quite noticeable. A regular walks in.)

    Me: “Hi, may I help you?”

    Customer: “Oh, a newbie. I like your accent. French?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Customer: “I had a French girl once. I should have never let her go.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir.”

    Customer: “I know one phrase. Je t’aime. Say it.”

    Me: “Okay…Je t’aime.

    Customer: “What does that mean?”

    Me: “It means, ‘I love you.’”

    Regular: *triumphantly* “I made you say that you love me!”

    Me: *speechless*

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