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    Blowing Smoke

    | Loveland, CO, USA | Criminal/Illegal

    (I’m working the register and smell the very distinct scent of cigarette smoke. I look up, and sure enough there’s a woman with a lit cigarette dangling casually from her hand.)

    Me: “Ma’am, Colorado law prohibits smoking in any public buildings, and we also have a policy against it. You can’t smoke in here.”

    Customer: “I am not smoking. The cigarette is!”

    Just Gender Role With It

    | New Berlin, WI, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (I work in a gas station and am the only female employee that works the second shift on a regular basis. I have very short hair and am often mistaken for male if customers aren’t paying attention. Sometimes, it is a great source of amusement for me because it seems to bother them more than it bothers me. One early evening, a customer comes in with her little girl who is probably about 4.)

    Me: “Did you find everything all right?”

    Customer: “Yeah, just this and…” *to her daughter* “Did you find the candy you want, sweetie?”

    (I notice now that the little girl is giving me a horrified look as if I have just told her there is no Santa.)

    Customer’s Daughter: *starts pulling on her mother’s shirt* “Mommy! Mommy! Is that a boy or a girl?”

    (The mother ignores her, but the little girl continues to ask and gets progressively louder each time. I am finishing running her credit card and hand her the receipt. At the top of every receipt is the name of the cashier. The woman picks up her daughter who is now glaring at me and finally answers her after reading my obviously female name.)

    Customer’s Daughter: *now yelling so loud everyone in the store can hear* “MOMMY!!! IS IT A BOY OR A GIRL?!”

    Customer: “Shh! She’s a girl, sweetie. Now hush.”

    (I’m trying very hard not to laugh, as everyone in the store is now staring.)

    Me: “Mystery solved! Have a good—”

    Customer’s Daughter: *shrieking* “WHY DOES SHE HAVE SUCH SHORT HAIR?!”

    Customer: *turning six shades of red* “Because some women just like their hair to be short.”

    (The customer’s daughter turns to me and points accusingly.)

    Customer’s Daughter: “YOU! You shouldn’t have such short hair! Girls have long hair! DUH!”

    (After the woman has left with her boisterous, opinionated child in tow, a regular customer comes to my register.)

    Regular: *jokingly* “Well, hello again, young man! Having a good evening?”

    Practice Sweet Unadulterated Moderation

    | North Carolina, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (A mom, dad, and two small children walk in. The boy sees some of the fresh fruit we keep at the counter and asks for a banana.)

    Dad: *to son* “No, you’ve had too much fruit today!”

    Mom: *to son* “Yeah, go get some candy instead!”

    All The News That’s Fated To Print

    | New York, USA |

    (Note: this takes place on a Friday afternoon.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I know you’re probably not supposed to do this, but can I have Sunday’s paper?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Sunday’s paper. I’d like the coupons.”

    Me: “We actually don’t have any leftover—”

    Customer: “Leftover? No, no. I mean this coming Sunday.”

    Me: *confused* “But it’s Friday.”

    Customer: “I know, but I want to get a head start!”

    Even The Bank Of Dad Has Gone Under

    | New Orleans, LA, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (A dad and his three kids who are all around 7 or 8 years old is my checkout line. He is buying four six packs of tall cans of liquor.)

    Me: “That will be $26.”

    Dad: “Okay.” *pulls money out of his pockets* “Shoot, I only have $20.”

    (He turns to one of his kids.)

    Dad: “Yo, lend me six bucks.”

    Kid: “S***, get your own money!”

    Dad: “Come on, I just need six more dollars.”

    Kid: F*** you.”

    Dad: “Hey, come on! I’ll pay you back when we get home!”

    Kid: *hands him some money and mumbles* “Broke a** motherf***er.”

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