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    Coffee, Strong, And Proud

    | Concord, NH, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Top

    (Note: during the course of this conversation the customer uses several degrading terms for people of Middle-Eastern and African descent.)

    Customer #1: *slaps a $10 bill on the counter* “I’ll have a pack of [racial slur] delights.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer #1: “You know, [different racial slur] specials! You know, the cigarettes the [yet another racial slur] make!”

    Me: “You mean Camels?”

    Customer #1: “That’s what I said I wanted, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Not even close. You used several highly offensive racial slurs, but not once did you ask for a pack of cigarettes.”

    Customer #1: “Whatever. Just get me the f***ing cigarettes!”

    Me: “Yeah, that’s not happening. I’m exercising my right to refuse you service. The door’s right over there, have a nice day!”

    Customer #1: “You’re kidding, right? What the f*** is your problem?”

    Me: “It’s simple, really. If someone is bothering other customers, I am required to kick them out of the store. Your crude and abusive language is clearly bothering the customers in line behind you, so there you go. Goodbye.”

    Customer #1: “What the f*** is wrong with you! What’s wrong with calling a [slur] a [slur]? They’re all f***ing [slurs], and you’re all a bunch of f***ing b****ds. You hear me? You’re all—”

    (At this point Customer #1 turns around to yell at the other people in line, but cuts off as he catches sight of the customer right behind him. Customer #2 is a male African-American that could accurately be described as ‘terrifyingly enormous’. It should also be noted that one of the slurs Customer #1 has been using was aimed at African-Americans.)

    Customer #1: “Whoa, man. I said ‘sand [slur]‘. I don’t have any problem with you!”

    Customer #2: *stares down at Customer #1* “Lemme see if I’ve got this right. You’re a loud-mouthed, ignorant, bigoted a**hole, but that shouldn’t bother me because you don’t have a problem with me specifically?”

    Customer #1: “Uh, yes?”

    Customer #2: “Uh, no. The nice man behind the counter asked you to leave the store. I suggest you do so before I decide you need some help getting through the door.”

    (Customer #1 immediately flees out the door, allowing Customer #2 to put his four coffees on the counter.)

    Customer #2: “Just the coffees, my friend.”

    Me: “Dude, the look on that guy’s face was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. For that, and for helping me out, your coffee is on me.”

    (The next day I told my manager what happened. After reviewing the security tapes (and laughing for a good 20 minutes) she gave me a nearly half a box of free coffee vouchers to give Customer #2. When I quit two years later, he still hadn’t run out of them.)

    Trouble Brewing, Part 3

    | Virginia Beach, VA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (A customer buys a big bottle of beer and takes it out of the store in a brown paper bag as required by law. He returns a few seconds later with only the bag, and this conversation takes place.)

    Customer: “Hey, there’s glass all over your parking lot.”

    Me: “What happened?”

    Customer: “Oh, I dropped my beer.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I grab the broom and dustpan and tell my co-worker to mind the till while I sweep it up. As I’m on the way out the door, the customer stops me.)

    Customer: “So, can I get another bottle of beer?”

    Me: “Why wouldn’t you get another bottle of beer?”

    Customer: “No, I mean, don’t I get a free one?”

    Me: “Why would you get a free beer?”

    Customer: “I dropped it in your parking lot!”

    Related:
    Trouble Brewing, Part 2

    Their Purchasing Power Has Gone Up In Smoke

    | Emporia, KS, USA | Top, Underaged

    (I work in a convenience store across the street from a university. A car load of four kids pull up to the store.)

    Customer #1: “I want a pack of cigarettes.”

    Me: “Can I see your ID, please?”

    Customer #1: *angry* “I’m 18, I don’t need to show you my f***ing ID.”

    Me: “Sir, if you don’t obviously look old enough, I have to ask.”

    Customer #1: “I don’t have my ID!”

    Customer #2: “It’s okay, dude. I’ll buy them for you.”

    Me: “No, you won’t, sir. Since I know you are buying for him, and he doesn’t have ID, I can’t sell to you.”

    Customer #2: “Bulls***! Give me the f***ing smokes!”

    Me: “Sorry, no.”

    Customer #3: “Fine, I have my ID. I’ll buy for everyone.”

    Me: “Now I can’t sell to you, sir.”

    (An argument ensues at which point, I keep telling them that if I know that I am selling to someone who is buying for a person who doesn’t have his ID, I cannot by law sell them cigarettes. Finally all four leave, get into their car and move their car to the parking place on the side of the building. The fourth customer gets out, comes up to the counter and asks for four packs of cigarettes. Now, I know he is buying for his friends, but if he doesn’t admit this, I can sell him the smokes without any problems.)

    Me: “Are you buying for the customers that were just in here?”

    Customer #4: “Yes.”

    Me: “I can’t sell to you either. Have a good night.”

    (About an hour later, the police show up at the store. They inform me that they received an anonymous call claiming I was handing out baggies of white powder.)

    From Very Important To Very Impotent

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Top

    (I am a customer in line at a convenience store. Customer #1, the lady in front of me in line, is complaining loudly about everything, from the slow service (which wasn’t slow at all) to the way the young clerk is dressed. Finally, Customer #2, the man in front of her, turns around.)

    Customer #2: “I’m sorry if I’m being forward, ma’am, but, may I ask your name?”

    Customer #1: *proudly states her name*

    Customer #2: *relieved sigh* “Oh, thank God! Don’t scare me like that, lady!”

    Customer #1: “…What do you mean?”

    Customer #2: “For a minute there, I thought you were someone who’s opinion mattered! Now I know you’re just a windbag I can safely ignore!”

    (Customer #1 didn’t make a sound until she left!)

    Bubble-gum Butt

    | Robeline, LA, USA | Family & Kids

    (A regular customer comes in with her little boy who is no more than six. She fixes him an Icee and herself a fountain soda and he grabs a piece of 10¢ gum.)

    Customer: “Okay, so we have a fountain drink, an Icee, and he’s got the gum.”

    Little boy: *holding up one finger* “One gum today!”

    (As I’m processing his mom’s transaction, the little boy notices our “anti-theft” mirror. He promptly turns around, crouches slightly, and starts shaking his butt. I start laughing uncontrollably and his mom turns around.)

    Customer: *laughs, then shakes her head* “I have no idea what to say to that!”

    Me: *laughing* “Oh, lord. That was too cute!”

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