Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
    (2,958 thumbs up)
  • You’ve Got An Honest Signature

    | Edmonton, Alberta, Canada |

    (One day, a courier came in to drop off a check. I was using one of our pens to sign it.)

    Courier: “Hey, that’s a really nice pen!”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s not bad.”

    Courier: “Don’t worry, though. I’m not going to steal it!”

    Me: “Ha – Ok…”

    Courier: “No, for real. I don’t steal things.”

    Me: “That’s…good?”

    (By now I’ve finished signing, but she isn’t leaving.)

    Courier: “My best friend once accused me of stealing her check. Her $300 check!”

    Me: “Um…that’s too bad.”

    Courier: “We aren’t friends anymore. I mean, I make that much money in a DAY! You hear me?! I drive around MILLION dollar checks. Why would I steal her stupid tiny check?”

    Me: “I don’t know…”

    Courier: “I let her move into my basement. I told her it was only $500 a month. Isn’t that a great deal? Isn’t it?!”

    Me: “Yeah, sounds good…”

    Courier: “And how does the little b**** thank me? She accuses me of stealing her money! When I can steal ANYBODY’S million dollar checks! So you know what I told her? I told her to get the F*** out of my basement!”

    Me: “…”

    Courier: “Now I hear she’s on drugs. What a winner. Not like you. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders. You wouldn’t accuse me of stealing, would you?”

    Me: “Um…no.”

    Not Dyed Dark Enough, Apparently

    | Yukon, Canada |

    (My father does all sorts of contracting work from plumbing to construction. This is a phone call he had with a customer whose home he’s worked at before.)

    Customer: “I went to take a shower and there’s no hot water in the bathroom. I want you to come over and fix it.”

    Him: “No hot water? Is there any water coming from the faucet at all?”

    Customer: “Well, I turned it a little bit and no water came out!”

    Him: “Okay. Go into the kitchen, and turn on the tap in the sink there. Tell me if you get any water. ”

    Customer: *long pause* “… okay, I get water on this tap.”

    Him: “Is it running hot?”

    Customer: “Yes, it is.”

    Him: “Well, the hot water is all on the same line, so the kitchen sink and the shower should have hot water. Are you sure you turned the tap on far enough?”

    Customer: “Now listen here! I may be blond but I dye my hair! I have dark roots, you know! I’d know whether or not I turned on the tap far enough, and I know I did!”

    (She hangs up, and a few minutes pass. The phone rings again.)

    Him: “Hello?”

    Customer: “The hot water’s working in the shower now. I just didn’t turn on the tap for long enough…”