(I’m the customer at a drink concession stand at a music festival. Sodas are $2 and special flavored waters (watermelon or blackberry) are $3.)

Me: “I’ll have a Sprite.”

Cashier: “We are all out of Sprite, sorry.”

Me: “Dang. I’d like a [brand of flavored water], but I only have $2. I’ll have a Coke.”

Cashier: “Would you like Blackberry or Watermelon?”

Me: “Coke.”

Cashier: “Blackberry or Watermelon?”

Me: “COKE.”

Cashier: *very slowly, with a knowing look on her face* “Blackberry or Watermelon?”

Me: “COKE!”

Another Cashier: *to me* “She’s trying to give you the water for the price of the soda.”

Me: “Oh! Er, Blackberry.”

Cashier: “There we go!”

(I’m a woman and manager at a sausage/beer stand. I card everyone that orders beer, regardless of how old they look. Some customers get insulted, while others don’t mind. Note: I look at least 10 years younger than my actual age.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like two beers, polish, and a coke.”

Me: “May I see some ID, please?”

Customer: “I’m waaay older than you. How old do I look?”

(He looks in his mid-30s, so I guess much earlier in age.)

Me: “Uh, 24?”

Customer: “Haha! NO!”

(He shows me his ID, and his birth date makes him over 35.)

Me: “Wow, you don’t look it.”

Customer: “How old are you?”

Me: “I’m 47.”

Customer: *skeptically* “Sure… you can’t be any older than 30. Okay, show me YOUR ID.”

Me: “Okay…”

(I pull out my ID. Much to his surprise, he sees I’m older than he is.)

Customer: “HOLY S***! WOW! You look great! Good genes, huh?”

Me: *smiling* “Yeah, something like that…”

(He pays for his order, but also puts an additional $10 bill on the counter.)

Customer: “This tip is for putting up with me!”

(Made my night!)

(I have worked at this concession stand for four years and this particular customer has been coming at least once a week since I started. Some variation of this same argument occurs every week.)

Regular Customer: “Is that coffee fresh?”

Me: “Relatively. I haven’t been open that long. You want some?”

Regular Customer: “No. It needs to be fresh!”

Me: “Ma’am, it is fresh. I just opened fifteen minutes ago.”

Regular Customer: “No! I can only drink fresh coffee!”

Me: “It is fresh coffee!”

(The customer stands there and glares at me without saying a word for about a minute.)

Me: “Ma’am, I am not making a new pot of coffee. This one is still fresh and over half-full.”

Regular Customer: “Yeah, well, it’s not fresh! No one’s going to buy it!”

Me: “Someone just did!”

Regular Customer: “Well, no one else will because you’re trying to sell them old coffee! I need fresh coffee!” *storms off*

Other Regular Customer: “You’d think she’d have learned just to bring her own d*** coffee by now.”

(A woman, about 40 years old, is looking at all our different food and drink items on a list on our front window.)

Me: “Hi! What can I get you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, uh…what’s j-u-i-c-e?”

Me: *pause* “Er, that’s juice.”

Customer: “Oh.”

(Stands there apparently thinking for about 10 seconds.)

Customer: “I don’t know what that is. Never mind!” *walks away*

(I’m working at a football stadium at a Bon Jovi concert. A drunk customer orders a water.)

Customer: “Why can I not have the cap to this!?”

Me: “It’s policy that we can’t give them to you. People used to throw full bottles onto the field and stages during events and it’s a safety hazard for the performers, athletes, and other members of the audience.”

Customer: *absolutely serious* “Why would ANYONE want to throw ANYTHING at Bon Jovi?!”