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    Just A Little Closer…

    , | Oregon, USA |

    (A customer purchased a copy of a popular anti virus program. About 2 hours later I received a phone call.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I just bought a **** anti virus program from your store, and it’s not working.”

    Me: “What about it isn’t working? Did you install the program?”

    Customer: “It’s not interfacing with my system.”

    Me: “Not…interfacing? I’m not sure I understand what the problem is.”

    Customer: “I set the box next to my computer, and it’s not doing anything at all. Nothing is happening on my computer! This program is defective.”

    Me: “Um…well, you have to open the box and insert the CD into your computer, then install the program before it will run.”

    Customer: “WHAT?! How do I do that?”

    Me: “…”

    Straight Into The Lion’s Den

    , | Israel |

    Customer: “Hi, can you help me?”

    Me: “Sure, what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “I have Windows on my computer and it’s not booting up properly anymore.”

    Me: “Did you buy the PC here?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Did you buy Windows here?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Then I’m afraid I can’t really help you with that.”

    Customer: “Look here, you sell Windows. I downloaded and installed Windows, and it’s not working. You’re supposed to help me.”

    Me: “Let me just get it right. You’ve downloaded a copy of Windows, installed it and now it’s giving you problems.”

    Customer: “Yes, and it’s your job to help me.”

    Me: “Oh, okay. Here’s Microsoft Israel support phone number. Call them and tell them exactly what you told me.”

    It Happens More Often Than You’d Think

    , | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    (I just started working at a computer store, so my trainer has a phone call on speaker so I can listen in.)

    Lady: “You sold me a faulty piece of s*** laptop!”

    Trainer: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

    Lady: “The ¬†f***ing thing won’t open!”

    Trainer: “Have you tried turning the laptop around, and opening it from the other side?”

    Lady: “Oh.” *click*

    Personally, I Prefer Pokey ‘Pods

    , | Sacramento, CA, USA |

    (Working in a popular electronics store set in between an extremely rural area and a sprawling urban landscape, we get all types…)

    Customer:“Y’all got dem thirty two jiggabit touchee pods?”

    Living On The Edge, Part 2

    , , | Philadelphia, PA, USA |

    Me: “Thanks for your purchase. Would you please sign anywhere on the receipt?”

    Customer:¬†”Anywhere?”

    Me: “Anywhere.”

    Customer: “But there’s no line!”

    Me: “That’s right–the printer doesn’t draw a line for this type of receipt, so just sign anywhere on the receipt.”

    Customer: “Anywhere?”

    Me: “Anywhere.”

    Customer: “But there’s no LINE!”

    Me: *facepalm*

    Related:
    Living On The Edge

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