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  • This Round He Lost (In Translation), Part 4
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    Veni Vidi Visa: I Came, I Saw, I Went Home & Bought

    | Lawrenceville, NJ, USA | Top

    Customer: “I definitely think I want to buy this laptop.”

    Me: “That’s great, sir. If you just wait here, I can run back and get it for you right now.”

    Customer: “Oh, thanks, that would be great. And I also read something on your website about free shipping.”

    Me: “Yes…that’s true.”

    Customer: “So, do I get free shipping?”

    Me: “Um, that only applies to online orders. There’s no shipping if you buy directly from the store.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “…because you don’t need anything shipped if you buy it in the store…”

    Customer: “Well, that’s stupid. Why would anyone buy it in the store when they can get free shipping online?”

    Me: “Uh…because they’re already at the store…?”

    Customer: “You know what? I think I’m gonna just go buy it online. And you should probably re-evaluate your free shipping policy. No offense, but it’s kind of stupid.”

    Me: “…”

    Diagnostic Scan Results: Crisp & Buttery

    , | North Somerset, UK |

    (A customer walks in and places a box on the desk in our repairs center.)

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “Can you fix this for me?”

    Me: *looking at box* “This is a toaster.”

    Customer: “Yes. Can you fix it? It’s broken.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we only fix computers and computer peripherals here.”

    Customer: “But if you can fix computers, surely you can fix a toaster!”

    Me: “We don’t fix toasters, sir.”

    Customer: “Please? I’m sure it’s easy.”

    Me: “Even if we could fix it for you, you don’t have a repair warantee with us, so it would cost you ¬£50 just for us to look at it. You could buy two new toasters for that.”

    Customer: “¬£50?! What a rip-off! If it’s going to cost me that much, I’ll go elsewhere!”

    Me: “Have you tried the store you bought it from?”

    Customer: “Yes, and they wouldn’t fix it!”

    Me: “So you thought a computer store would?”

    Customer: *takes the toaster and walks out in a huff*

    PEBMAC

    , | Calgary, Alberta, Canada |

    (A lady came in to buy an iMac computer. After leaving, she called me 30 minutes later.)

    Me: “Yes ma’am, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “I thought these things came with a monitor? You told me it had a monitor.”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, it’s one big monitor with a keyboard and mouse.”

    Customer: “Well this one doesn’t have one.”

    Me: Um…it’s the big black square on the front.”

    Customer: “There is NO big black square on here.”

    Me: “What do you mean? The whole machine is just a monitor; it’s the big black square above the CD Slot and speakers.”

    Customer: “There is NO big black square. There are no speakers. You told me it came with a monitor.”

    Me: “Ma’am…the whole computer is just a monitor with speakers and a CD Drive built in. Spin it around; it’s the big black square on the front.”

    (I can hear her turning the machine around and around, and she starts getting angry with me.)

    Customer: “Listen, there is no big black square, there are no speakers, and there is no slot for a CD.”

    Me: “Ma’am…do you have the computer face down on your desk?”

    (I can hear a big clunk as the flips the computer upright on the desk.)

    Customer: “Um…I have to go now.” *click*

    Related: PEBKAC (Wikipedia definition)

    Customer Of The Week: RTFM

    | Oregon, USA | Old Comics

    Customer Of The Week: RTFM
    Created by our friends at Quitting Time

    Original Story

    Just A Little Closer…

    , | Oregon, USA |

    (A customer purchased a copy of a popular anti virus program. About 2 hours later I received a phone call.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I just bought a **** anti virus program from your store, and it’s not working.”

    Me: “What about it isn’t working? Did you install the program?”

    Customer: “It’s not interfacing with my system.”

    Me: “Not…interfacing? I’m not sure I understand what the problem is.”

    Customer: “I set the box next to my computer, and it’s not doing anything at all. Nothing is happening on my computer! This program is defective.”

    Me: “Um…well, you have to open the box and insert the CD into your computer, then install the program before it will run.”

    Customer: “WHAT?! How do I do that?”

    Me: “…”


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