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  • Byte Off More Than You Can Chew

    , | United Kingdom | Top

    Me: “Good morning, what can I do for you?”

    Customer: “Well, a few of my friends have been talking about this ‘internet’ thing. Is it any good?”

    Me: “Yes, it is very useful. I use it all the time.”

    Customer: “Oh, good.” *pulls something from his pocket*

    Customer: “Could you put it on to this floppy disc for me, please?”

    Me: “The entire Internet?”

    Customer: “Yes, please!”

    And You Thought The ED Commercials Were Bad

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Top

    (Note: I’m helping a male customer find an IDE cable for his PC.)

    Me: “…and the cables are right here.”

    Customer: “This is for a full tower case. What’s the longest cable you have?”

    (I measure the largest cable I can find. I think it was 20 inches.)

    Customer: “Oh, that’s a bit too short.”

    Me: “Sorry, that’s the longest I have. What sort of length were you looking for? I might be able to order something…”

    Customer: “I need about 22 inches. That’s the story of my life…always two inches too short!”

    Me: *chuckles*

    Customer: *turns bright red and leaves in a hurry*

    Best Bytes In The Bunch

    | Toronto, Ontario, Canada |

    (An elderly man approaches me to purchase a Mac laptop for his granddaughter.)

    Customer: “Hey, I have some questions about that laptop.”

    Me: “Sure, what can I help you with?”

    Customer: “That laptop is an Apple, right?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “I’m buying it for my granddaughter, but she’s allergic to apples. Can I get the same one, but in another fruit?”

    Me: “…what? You do know that the laptops aren’t made of apples?”

    Customer: “Then why display only an apple? It should be a selection.”

    Me: “…I’ll get someone to help you.”

    The Logic Is Weak In This One, Part 2

    , | New Jersey, USA |

    (I’m ringing up a fairly high-end video card for a customer.)

    Me: “That’ll be $211.98 please…”

    Customer: “But the display showed it as $49.99.”

    Me: “Are you sure it was this card? This is a fairly new card.”

    Customer: “Yes, I picked it up, and it says the price is $49.99 below it.”

    Me: “Can you show me?”

    (We walk over to the video cards, and he shows me where he picked it up from. The shelf is marked $49.99, and it is the same manufacturer. However, it is a lower end card than the one he is holding.)

    Customer: “See, $49.99!”

    Me: “Sir, that price is not for that video card. You’re holding this one…”

    (I point to another shelf with the video card he picked up; it’s priced at $199.99.)

    Customer: “Well, it was on this shelf, so it was advertised at this price and you have to sell it to me for that.”

    Me: “I’m sorry for the confusion, sir, but sometimes customers pick things up and then don’t return them to their proper location.”

    Customer: “That’s not my fault! It was on this shelf, so you should sell it to me for $49.99.”

    Me: “Sir, how do I know it wasn’t you who put it on that shelf? Or for that matter, that it was on that shelf at all?”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “So, do you want the $49.99 one instead?”

    Customer: *defeated* “Yeah…”

    Related:
    The Logic Is Weak In This One

    I’m A Mac, With Reinforcements

    | Urbana, IL, USA | Top

    Customer: “How much is this iPod Touch thingy?”

    Me: “$229, sir.”

    Customer: “Now, I’ve heard that these things can get the internet, right?”

    Me: “That’s correct.”

    Customer: “How does it get the internet without any wires?”

    Me: “Well, it works the same way a computer would; you can connect to any wi-fi netwo-”

    Customer: “WHOA! Wi-fi? I can’t use wi-fi!”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Haven’t you heard?”

    Me: “…no?”

    Customer: “Wi-fi is what causes cancer. People are getting cancer more and more because we keep expanding our wi-fi networks. I’m only safe because of this!”

    (He pulls out a pendant he was wearing as a necklace under his shirt. It is a cylindrical white plastic container with a radioactive sticker on it.)

    Customer: “This thing right here protects me! It’s protecting you right now too!”

    Me: “Oh…OK…”

    Customer: “Yeah. Inside of this, there’s a thing that goes faster than the speed of light!”

    (He starts to flap his arms wildly in a circle to demonstrate ‘faster than light’, while making a ‘whoosh’ sound.)

    Me: “…cool…”

    Customer: “YEAH IT IS! On TV they try to tell us that things can’t travel faster than the speed of light, but I know that’s garbage! They just want us to get cancer. You NEED to get one of these things, man!”

    Me: “Um…yeah. Well, I’m sorry about the iPod then, is there anything else you need help with?”

    Customer: “What? I want the iPod!”

    Me: “I thought it would give you cancer?”

    Customer: “No. I’m PROTECTED.”

    Me: “…”

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