No Recognition Or Cognition

| Canada | Language & Words, Technology

(A customer comes in asking for dictation software. I showed him a very popular dictation package.)

Customer: “Does that use voice recognition?”

Me: “Yes, it does.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t want that! Voice recognition doesn’t work. Do you have any dictation software that doesn’t use voice recognition?”

Me: “No, we do not.”

Customer: *looks annoyed and leaves*

Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 6

, | Romania | Uncategorized

(A customer comes in asking about a monitor. She needs convincing that it is brand new, and that we do not sell second hand.)

Customer: “Where do I adjust the brightness and contrast ?”

Me: “From the menu, like in a TV.”

(I bring up the menu on the screen to show her.)

Customer: “So, is that included in the price?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “The menu.”

Me: “Yes. The menu comes with the price.”

Related:
Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 5
Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 4
Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 3

(Stereo)Typing With A Laptop

| West Palm Beach, FL, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I need to know how to lock my laptop. I picked it up the other day, and there were all these porn sites in the history! My son is seventeen. I told him to stop using it, but you know how they are at that age!”

(I chuckle in agreement.)

Customer: “Wait, how old are you?”

Me: “Well, I’m just a couple years older myself.”

Customer: “Well, you know what I mean!”

New at CES: Unending Serial Bus

| Ventspils, Latvia | Uncategorized

Customer: “I need an USB cable.”

Me: “For which device?”

Customer: “For my computer!”

Me: “But you will plug it in somewhere?”

Customer: “Yes, in my computer!”

Me: “But what’s at the other end of the cable?”

Customer: “What other end?”

Likely Not A Fan Of Spell Checking

| Brisbane, Australia | Religion, Technology, Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

Customer: “I want to return this laptop I bought from you yesterday.”

Me: “Oh really? Why? Is there a problem with it?”

Customer: “Yes there is! It has witchcraft in it!”

Me: “Witchcraft?”

Customer: “Yes! When I tried to install a program on it, it said it was starting a wizard. Wizards and witchcraft are evil! I don’t know why you would sell such things at a store like this!”

Me: “Ma’am, a ‘wizard’ on a computer is just the name of the program that helps the install process, it makes it quick so that it is like magic, hence the name ‘wizard’.”

Customer: “I don’t care about your make believe hull-a-b-loo religion! It goes against my beliefs to have anything to do with that type of thing! Now give me my refund so I can be out of this evil place!”

Me: “Sure ma’am, this way.”

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