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    (Stereo)Typing With A Laptop

    | West Palm Beach, FL, USA |

    Customer: “I need to know how to lock my laptop. I picked it up the other day, and there were all these porn sites in the history! My son is seventeen. I told him to stop using it, but you know how they are at that age!”

    (I chuckle in agreement.)

    Customer: “Wait, how old are you?”

    Me: “Well, I’m just a couple years older myself.”

    Customer: “Well, you know what I mean!”

    New at CES: Unending Serial Bus

    | Ventspils, Latvia |

    Customer: “I need an USB cable.”

    Me: “For which device?”

    Customer: “For my computer!”

    Me: “But you will plug it in somewhere?”

    Customer: “Yes, in my computer!”

    Me: “But what’s at the other end of the cable?”

    Customer: “What other end?”

    Likely Not A Fan Of Spell Checking

    | Brisbane, Australia | Religion, Technology

    Customer: “Excuse me!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I want to return this laptop I bought from you yesterday.”

    Me: “Oh really? Why? Is there a problem with it?”

    Customer: “Yes there is! It has witchcraft in it!”

    Me: “Witchcraft?”

    Customer: “Yes! When I tried to install a program on it, it said it was starting a wizard. Wizards and witchcraft are evil! I don’t know why you would sell such things at a store like this!”

    Me: “Ma’am, a ‘wizard’ on a computer is just the name of the program that helps the install process, it makes it quick so that it is like magic, hence the name ‘wizard’.”

    Customer: “I don’t care about your make believe hull-a-b-loo religion! It goes against my beliefs to have anything to do with that type of thing! Now give me my refund so I can be out of this evil place!”

    Me: “Sure ma’am, this way.”

    The Secret Language Of Customers

    , | Long Island, NY, USA |

    (An elderly customer approaches me while I make the rounds at the computer store.)

    Customer: “Hello, young man! I would like one of those things…” *points to a laptop on display*

    Me: “Sure thing! I have a couple of questions. What do you think you will mainly use it for?”

    Customer: “Oh, I want to send screen mail.”

    Me: “You mean email?”

    Customer: “No! Screen mail!”

    (Just as she says this, my supervisor walks up.)

    Supervisor: “Oh, screen mail!”

    Customer: “Yes, see? This young fellow gets it!”

    (My supervisor points to a deli across the street)

    Supervisor: “They sell screen mail over there.”

    (She leaves and promptly returns after 20 minutes.)

    Customer: “Thank you!” *holds up a bag of potato chips* “I got them!”

    Byte Off More Than You Can Chew

    , | United Kingdom | Top

    Me: “Good morning, what can I do for you?”

    Customer: “Well, a few of my friends have been talking about this ‘internet’ thing. Is it any good?”

    Me: “Yes, it is very useful. I use it all the time.”

    Customer: “Oh, good.” *pulls something from his pocket*

    Customer: “Could you put it on to this floppy disc for me, please?”

    Me: “The entire Internet?”

    Customer: “Yes, please!”


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