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    No Recognition Or Cognition

    | Canada | Language & Words, Technology

    (A customer comes in asking for dictation software. I showed him a very popular dictation package.)

    Customer: “Does that use voice recognition?”

    Me: “Yes, it does.”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t want that! Voice recognition doesn’t work. Do you have any dictation software that doesn’t use voice recognition?”

    Me: “No, we do not.”

    Customer: *looks annoyed and leaves*

    Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 6

    , | Romania | Uncategorized

    (A customer comes in asking about a monitor. She needs convincing that it is brand new, and that we do not sell second hand.)

    Customer: “Where do I adjust the brightness and contrast ?”

    Me: “From the menu, like in a TV.”

    (I bring up the menu on the screen to show her.)

    Customer: “So, is that included in the price?”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “The menu.”

    Me: “Yes. The menu comes with the price.”

    Related:
    Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 5
    Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 4
    Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 3

    (Stereo)Typing With A Laptop

    | West Palm Beach, FL, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “I need to know how to lock my laptop. I picked it up the other day, and there were all these porn sites in the history! My son is seventeen. I told him to stop using it, but you know how they are at that age!”

    (I chuckle in agreement.)

    Customer: “Wait, how old are you?”

    Me: “Well, I’m just a couple years older myself.”

    Customer: “Well, you know what I mean!”

    New at CES: Unending Serial Bus

    | Ventspils, Latvia | Uncategorized

    Customer: “I need an USB cable.”

    Me: “For which device?”

    Customer: “For my computer!”

    Me: “But you will plug it in somewhere?”

    Customer: “Yes, in my computer!”

    Me: “But what’s at the other end of the cable?”

    Customer: “What other end?”

    Likely Not A Fan Of Spell Checking

    | Brisbane, Australia | Religion, Technology, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Excuse me!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I want to return this laptop I bought from you yesterday.”

    Me: “Oh really? Why? Is there a problem with it?”

    Customer: “Yes there is! It has witchcraft in it!”

    Me: “Witchcraft?”

    Customer: “Yes! When I tried to install a program on it, it said it was starting a wizard. Wizards and witchcraft are evil! I don’t know why you would sell such things at a store like this!”

    Me: “Ma’am, a ‘wizard’ on a computer is just the name of the program that helps the install process, it makes it quick so that it is like magic, hence the name ‘wizard’.”

    Customer: “I don’t care about your make believe hull-a-b-loo religion! It goes against my beliefs to have anything to do with that type of thing! Now give me my refund so I can be out of this evil place!”

    Me: “Sure ma’am, this way.”

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