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    Best Idea I’ve Heard All Day

    | Auckland, NZ |

    (The receptionist at our computer repair store was handling a customer at the front desk.)

    Customer: “Can you fix my laptop screen? There’s a big black mark on it.”

    (The customer opens the laptop to show a cracked screen.)

    Receptionist: “How did that happen?”

    Customer: “I closed it, but there was a beer bottle lid inside. It went weird after that.”

    Receptionist: “We can repair it for you, but it will cost approximately $1,000 as this is physical damage and not covered by warranty.”

    Customer: “I am not paying $1,000 to repair a stupid laptop! You are trying to rip me off, you little b****! It’s under warranty, I know my rights!”

    Receptionist: “I am sorry, sir, but we cannot replace the LCD under warranty and you will have to pay for it yourself if you want it replaced.”

    Customer: “I’m not paying, so you can go f*** yourself!”

    Receptionist: “That’s the best idea I have heard all day, thanks! I’ll go do that right now.”

    (The receptionist goes around corner and into back room.)

    Customer: “What the f***?!” *leaves, slamming door*

    Receptionist: “Is he gone?”

    Manager: “Yes, are you finished?”

    Maybe Microsoft Makes Them

    | California, USA |

    (A customer has no power to a CD-ROM drive and has a disc stuck inside.)

    Me: “Okay, here’s what you have to do. You need to find yourself a paperclip and unbend it a bit, so you have something to stick in the little hole next to the volume dial.”

    Customer: “So… a paperclip, you say? Can I order that from you? I’m not sure what that is…”

    Blue Screen Flash Of Death

    | Mt. Laurel, NJ, USA |

    (Client, a postman, walks in with his older machine. He sets it down on the desk, I turn it on and dust comes out the back. He explains how slow it’s been and how much he hates Windows Millennium Edition.)

    Me: “We can fix that up for you, but with the cost of the upgrade to Windows XP, the memory to support it, etc, it might be wise just to purchase a new computer and transfer the data.”

    Him: “Nah, that’s alright. I like this one.”

    (I go around the desk to fetch his paper work. He somehow finds a paper clip and decides to remove the dust on the back of his power supply fan with it. Shortly thereafter, a blue flash comes out the back, he jumps a bit, and the computer turns off.)

    Him: “Yanno what, I’ll just get that data backup.”

    Me: “One moment, please…”

    (Every customer in line and all of my employees cried laughing. Poor guy.)

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