July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

The Joy Of (Repeat) Checks

| Monticello, MN, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Sir, your computer is all ready to go. We got all the viruses off of it.”

Customer: “Question: do you get viruses from looking at porno sites?”

Me: “Yes sir, the majority of those sites contain viruses.”

Customer: “….hmm…well then, I’ll probably be back here soon.”

Good Examples Gone Bad

| Santa Clarita, CA, USA | Top

(Note: A sincerely nice gentleman in his Mid Sixties approaches the check in counter with a CRT monitor.)

Me: “Hello sir, what can i do for you?”

Old man: “I can’t check my email any more and I need you to help me.”

Me: “Okay, no problem! Did you want to bring your computer in here, too?”

Old man: “Here.”

(He sets his monitor on the counter.)

Me: “Um…”

Old man: “What’s wrong?”

Me: “Well sir, this is just your monitor. Imagine if you will that your DVD player…”

Old man: *looks confused*

Me: “…or VCR…is broken and you want me to fix it, but you bring in your television.”

Old man: “Oh my goodness, I am so embarrassed.”

Me: “It’s completely understandable, technology can be a bit overwhelming.”

Old man: “I’ll go get my VCR!”

Best Idea I’ve Heard All Day

| Auckland, NZ | Uncategorized

(The receptionist at our computer repair store was handling a customer at the front desk.)

Customer: “Can you fix my laptop screen? There’s a big black mark on it.”

(The customer opens the laptop to show a cracked screen.)

Receptionist: “How did that happen?”

Customer: “I closed it, but there was a beer bottle lid inside. It went weird after that.”

Receptionist: “We can repair it for you, but it will cost approximately $1,000 as this is physical damage and not covered by warranty.”

Customer: “I am not paying $1,000 to repair a stupid laptop! You are trying to rip me off, you little b****! It’s under warranty, I know my rights!”

Receptionist: “I am sorry, sir, but we cannot replace the LCD under warranty and you will have to pay for it yourself if you want it replaced.”

Customer: “I’m not paying, so you can go f*** yourself!”

Receptionist: “That’s the best idea I have heard all day, thanks! I’ll go do that right now.”

(The receptionist goes around corner and into back room.)

Customer: “What the f***?!” *leaves, slamming door*

Receptionist: “Is he gone?”

Manager: “Yes, are you finished?”

Maybe Microsoft Makes Them

| California, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer has no power to a CD-ROM drive and has a disc stuck inside.)

Me: “Okay, here’s what you have to do. You need to find yourself a paperclip and unbend it a bit, so you have something to stick in the little hole next to the volume dial.”

Customer: “So… a paperclip, you say? Can I order that from you? I’m not sure what that is…”

Blue Screen Flash Of Death

| Mt. Laurel, NJ, USA | Uncategorized

(Client, a postman, walks in with his older machine. He sets it down on the desk, I turn it on and dust comes out the back. He explains how slow it’s been and how much he hates Windows Millennium Edition.)

Me: “We can fix that up for you, but with the cost of the upgrade to Windows XP, the memory to support it, etc, it might be wise just to purchase a new computer and transfer the data.”

Him: “Nah, that’s alright. I like this one.”

(I go around the desk to fetch his paper work. He somehow finds a paper clip and decides to remove the dust on the back of his power supply fan with it. Shortly thereafter, a blue flash comes out the back, he jumps a bit, and the computer turns off.)

Him: “Yanno what, I’ll just get that data backup.”

Me: “One moment, please…”

(Every customer in line and all of my employees cried laughing. Poor guy.)

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