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    Gives New Meaning To ‘Manually Eject’

    | Oregon, USA | Top

    (An couple in their 50s enter the store with a laptop.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I do for you?”

    Husband: “Well, my laptop won’t turn on. It just goes to a black screen.”

    Me: “Okay, sir, we can have the technicians do a diagnostic to figure out what the problem is.”

    Husband: “I also think I might have left a disc in the DVD drive.”

    Me: “Oh, no problem. I’ll show you how to manually eject the disc before you leave so you can take it home.”

    (I grab a paperclip and manually eject the disc. The disc in the drive is a porn DVD. Immediately, the husband snatches it out of the tray and stuffs it into his pocket.)

    Husband: *mumbles* “That’s not the disc I thought it was.”

    Wife: *silently fuming*

    Step 1: Insert Foot Into Mouth

    | Oregon, USA |

    (I am one of the few women working at my computer store. One day a male customer speaks up near me.)

    Customer: “Wow, that’s a pretty big rack you’ve got there!”

    Me: *looking up from monitor screen* “…excuse me?”

    (I then follow his gaze to see him looking at a giant walk-in rack mount we have for sale.)

    Customer: “Oh, wow. I gotta watch how I phrase things.”

    The Joy Of (Repeat) Checks

    | Monticello, MN, USA |

    Me: “Sir, your computer is all ready to go. We got all the viruses off of it.”

    Customer: “Question: do you get viruses from looking at porno sites?”

    Me: “Yes sir, the majority of those sites contain viruses.”

    Customer: “….hmm…well then, I’ll probably be back here soon.”

    Good Examples Gone Bad

    | Santa Clarita, CA, USA | Top

    (Note: A sincerely nice gentleman in his Mid Sixties approaches the check in counter with a CRT monitor.)

    Me: “Hello sir, what can i do for you?”

    Old man: “I can’t check my email any more and I need you to help me.”

    Me: “Okay, no problem! Did you want to bring your computer in here, too?”

    Old man: “Here.”

    (He sets his monitor on the counter.)

    Me: “Um…”

    Old man: “What’s wrong?”

    Me: “Well sir, this is just your monitor. Imagine if you will that your DVD player…”

    Old man: *looks confused*

    Me: “…or VCR…is broken and you want me to fix it, but you bring in your television.”

    Old man: “Oh my goodness, I am so embarrassed.”

    Me: “It’s completely understandable, technology can be a bit overwhelming.”

    Old man: “I’ll go get my VCR!”

    Best Idea I’ve Heard All Day

    | Auckland, NZ |

    (The receptionist at our computer repair store was handling a customer at the front desk.)

    Customer: “Can you fix my laptop screen? There’s a big black mark on it.”

    (The customer opens the laptop to show a cracked screen.)

    Receptionist: “How did that happen?”

    Customer: “I closed it, but there was a beer bottle lid inside. It went weird after that.”

    Receptionist: “We can repair it for you, but it will cost approximately $1,000 as this is physical damage and not covered by warranty.”

    Customer: “I am not paying $1,000 to repair a stupid laptop! You are trying to rip me off, you little b****! It’s under warranty, I know my rights!”

    Receptionist: “I am sorry, sir, but we cannot replace the LCD under warranty and you will have to pay for it yourself if you want it replaced.”

    Customer: “I’m not paying, so you can go f*** yourself!”

    Receptionist: “That’s the best idea I have heard all day, thanks! I’ll go do that right now.”

    (The receptionist goes around corner and into back room.)

    Customer: “What the f***?!” *leaves, slamming door*

    Receptionist: “Is he gone?”

    Manager: “Yes, are you finished?”


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