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    Some Computer Owners Just Can’t Hack It

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Top

    (A customer walks up to the counter and sets a plastic shopping bag down.)

    Customer: “You have to help me!”

    Me: “I’d be more than happy to assist you, ma’am. What seems to be the problem today?”

    Customer: “I’m being hacked! You have to get them to stop using my computer!”

    Me: “Do you have your computer with you so that I can see what’s going on?”

    (She just turns the bag upside down. Parts of a laptop spill everywhere motherboard, LCD panel, hinges, keyboard, palm rest, etc.)

    Me: “Uh, ma’am? Why did you dismantle your computer?”

    Customer: “That’s the only way to get them to stop! When computers are powered down, they aren’t really off! Those people in India are hacking into them while you have them off and are using it
    to teach their kids how to speak English! That’s why jobs are outsourced!”

    Me: “I really don’t think I can help you, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Well, put back together my computer! I have a warranty with you people. I’ll get the FBI or police to help me with the hackers.”

    Me: “Our warranty does not cover you taking apart your computer.”

    Customer: “Oh my God! You’re one of the people helping those hackers, aren’t you?”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “Aren’t you?!”

    Gives New Meaning To ‘Manually Eject’

    | Oregon, USA | Top

    (An couple in their 50s enter the store with a laptop.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I do for you?”

    Husband: “Well, my laptop won’t turn on. It just goes to a black screen.”

    Me: “Okay, sir, we can have the technicians do a diagnostic to figure out what the problem is.”

    Husband: “I also think I might have left a disc in the DVD drive.”

    Me: “Oh, no problem. I’ll show you how to manually eject the disc before you leave so you can take it home.”

    (I grab a paperclip and manually eject the disc. The disc in the drive is a porn DVD. Immediately, the husband snatches it out of the tray and stuffs it into his pocket.)

    Husband: *mumbles* “That’s not the disc I thought it was.”

    Wife: *silently fuming*

    Step 1: Insert Foot Into Mouth

    | Oregon, USA |

    (I am one of the few women working at my computer store. One day a male customer speaks up near me.)

    Customer: “Wow, that’s a pretty big rack you’ve got there!”

    Me: *looking up from monitor screen* “…excuse me?”

    (I then follow his gaze to see him looking at a giant walk-in rack mount we have for sale.)

    Customer: “Oh, wow. I gotta watch how I phrase things.”

    The Joy Of (Repeat) Checks

    | Monticello, MN, USA |

    Me: “Sir, your computer is all ready to go. We got all the viruses off of it.”

    Customer: “Question: do you get viruses from looking at porno sites?”

    Me: “Yes sir, the majority of those sites contain viruses.”

    Customer: “….hmm…well then, I’ll probably be back here soon.”

    Good Examples Gone Bad

    | Santa Clarita, CA, USA | Top

    (Note: A sincerely nice gentleman in his Mid Sixties approaches the check in counter with a CRT monitor.)

    Me: “Hello sir, what can i do for you?”

    Old man: “I can’t check my email any more and I need you to help me.”

    Me: “Okay, no problem! Did you want to bring your computer in here, too?”

    Old man: “Here.”

    (He sets his monitor on the counter.)

    Me: “Um…”

    Old man: “What’s wrong?”

    Me: “Well sir, this is just your monitor. Imagine if you will that your DVD player…”

    Old man: *looks confused*

    Me: “…or VCR…is broken and you want me to fix it, but you bring in your television.”

    Old man: “Oh my goodness, I am so embarrassed.”

    Me: “It’s completely understandable, technology can be a bit overwhelming.”

    Old man: “I’ll go get my VCR!”

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