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    Not Caught Up In The Web

    | Tucson, AZ, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling. This is [name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “My mother’s computer won’t connect to the internet.”

    Me: “Alright, Let’s see if we can figure out the issue.”

    (I spend five minutes troubleshooting the connection, and still can’t get it connected.)

    Me: “I can’t find anything wrong with your computer. Is it a desktop or a laptop?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. She’s in Florida, so I’ll have to call and ask her.”

    Me: “Okay, do you happen to know her internet service provider?”

    Customer: “Yes, it’s you guys.”

    Me: “Sir, we’re a repair center. Are you sure she has internet?”

    Customer: “Doesn’t it come free with the computer?”

    Me: “No, They stopped doing that a while ago.”

    Customer: “Figures. I’ll tell her!”

    Some Computer Owners Just Can’t Hack It

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Top

    (A customer walks up to the counter and sets a plastic shopping bag down.)

    Customer: “You have to help me!”

    Me: “I’d be more than happy to assist you, ma’am. What seems to be the problem today?”

    Customer: “I’m being hacked! You have to get them to stop using my computer!”

    Me: “Do you have your computer with you so that I can see what’s going on?”

    (She just turns the bag upside down. Parts of a laptop spill everywhere motherboard, LCD panel, hinges, keyboard, palm rest, etc.)

    Me: “Uh, ma’am? Why did you dismantle your computer?”

    Customer: “That’s the only way to get them to stop! When computers are powered down, they aren’t really off! Those people in India are hacking into them while you have them off and are using it
    to teach their kids how to speak English! That’s why jobs are outsourced!”

    Me: “I really don’t think I can help you, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Well, put back together my computer! I have a warranty with you people. I’ll get the FBI or police to help me with the hackers.”

    Me: “Our warranty does not cover you taking apart your computer.”

    Customer: “Oh my God! You’re one of the people helping those hackers, aren’t you?”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “Aren’t you?!”

    Gives New Meaning To ‘Manually Eject’

    | Oregon, USA | Top

    (An couple in their 50s enter the store with a laptop.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I do for you?”

    Husband: “Well, my laptop won’t turn on. It just goes to a black screen.”

    Me: “Okay, sir, we can have the technicians do a diagnostic to figure out what the problem is.”

    Husband: “I also think I might have left a disc in the DVD drive.”

    Me: “Oh, no problem. I’ll show you how to manually eject the disc before you leave so you can take it home.”

    (I grab a paperclip and manually eject the disc. The disc in the drive is a porn DVD. Immediately, the husband snatches it out of the tray and stuffs it into his pocket.)

    Husband: *mumbles* “That’s not the disc I thought it was.”

    Wife: *silently fuming*

    Step 1: Insert Foot Into Mouth

    | Oregon, USA |

    (I am one of the few women working at my computer store. One day a male customer speaks up near me.)

    Customer: “Wow, that’s a pretty big rack you’ve got there!”

    Me: *looking up from monitor screen* “…excuse me?”

    (I then follow his gaze to see him looking at a giant walk-in rack mount we have for sale.)

    Customer: “Oh, wow. I gotta watch how I phrase things.”

    The Joy Of (Repeat) Checks

    | Monticello, MN, USA |

    Me: “Sir, your computer is all ready to go. We got all the viruses off of it.”

    Customer: “Question: do you get viruses from looking at porno sites?”

    Me: “Yes sir, the majority of those sites contain viruses.”

    Customer: “….hmm…well then, I’ll probably be back here soon.”

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