Needs A Mass Reboot

| Charleston, SC, USA | Religion, Technology

(A customer walks up to the counter with a desktop and sets it down.)
 
Customer: “Excuse me, are you Catholic?”
 
Me: “No.”
 
Customer: “Well, I think it’s possessed and it needs an exorcism. Do you have any Catholic workers?”
 
Me: “I don’t think so. Maybe I can take a look at it?”
 
Customer: “No! You have to be Catholic!” *takes his desktop and leaves*

iNeed A Raise

| Charleston, SC, USA | Technology

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “My iPhone doesn’t work, and those idiots in the phone department couldn’t help me.”

Me: “May I take a look?”

Customer: “Here it is. It won’t make phone calls.” *hands it to me*

Me: “Ma’am, this is an iPod Touch.”

Customer: “That’s exactly what that dumba** in the phone department told me. God, are all you people stupid?! iPods look like this!” *holds up an iPod Classic*

Me: “That’s an iPod Classic. These are the new touch screen ones. May I see the box it came in?”

Customer: “What? Here, fine.” *hands me the box*

Me: “Ma’am, can you read this to me please?”

(I flip the box to where the label clearly says iPod.)

Customer: “What, are you blind too?! It says iP-…oh. Oh! Well, don’t I feel like a b****.” *walks off*

Next customer: “Whatever they’re paying you, it’s not enough.”

Business Daze

| Detroit, MI, USA |

(The customer has a covered hardware issue. It’s the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.)

Me: “I’m going to request that a replacement device be sent to you, free of charge. You should receive your replacement in 2 business days.”

Customer: “I shouldn’t have to wait 2 business days! You need to make it arrive Friday!”

Me: “I understand your frustration sir, but tomorrow is Wednesday and the second business day is Friday. Thursday is the holiday.”

Customer: “You make it get here Friday!”

Me: “Sir, Wednesday is one business day. Friday is two business days. You will have your replacement on Friday.”

Customer: “Put your supervisor on!”

Supervisor: *after greeting the customer and looking at the details for the replacement* “What can I do for you sir?”

Customer: “That girl’s trying to teach me how to count!”

Constant New Viruses Are Such A Strain

| Maryland, USA | Technology

Customer: “Can you recommend a perfect anti-virus to use on my computer?”

Me: “At the rate viruses are coming out sir, there isn’t really any that protect your computer perfectly.”

Customer: “So they don’t really work?”

Me: “No, not really sir.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, which one doesn’t work the least?”

Assault And Battery

| Massachusetts, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Customer: “Hi, I think I have a problem with my computer. I tried fixing it myself, but now it’s just not booting at all. I’d like to have it backed up too while you’re at it, because I run a business and I can’t afford to lose anything.”

(The next day, I call the customer.)

Me: “Hello sir, was this the only copy you had for your business data?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Well, do you have any disgruntled employees that may have had access to your computer recently?”

Customer: “No, why?”

Me: “Well sir, the hard drive has been hacked at with what looks like a flat-head screwdriver, severing a connection on the bottom.  It appears very deliberate, and we wont be able to retrieve your data.”

Customer: “Do you mean the battery?”

Me: “No, sir, the hard drive.”

Customer: “Oh. I thought that little round thing on the bottom of the hard drive was a battery. I was just trying to replace it. Well, I’ll just come in and pick that up.”

Customer: “Very good sir.”

(4 minutes later, he calls back.)

Customer: “Just a quick thing, if my wife comes in, and asks about it, could you leave that part out?”

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