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    So Stupid It’s Iconic

    | Stevensville, MD, USA |

    Me: “[Business name] Computers. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I can’t get this internet program installed. Can I just have you guys do it?”

    Me: “Sure. Just bring in your computer tower and we’ll take care of that for you.”

    (About fifteen minutes later, the customer comes in the front door carrying his monitor.)

    Me: “Can I help you bring in the rest of your computer, sir?”

    Customer: “Rest of my computer? This is my computer.”

    Me: “Yes, sir. That is just your monitor. It only displays what your computer tells it to. What we need is your tower. It looks like one of these.”

    (I point to several other towers in the store.)

    Customer: “Well, as long as I have this in here, can you remove some of the icons from the screen that I don’t use?”


    | VA, USA | Top

    (I am working on replacing a computer at a customer’s house. The customer’s mother walks in.)

    Me: “Okay, I’m going to look at your video card now.”

    Mother: “What are you doing?”

    Me: “Looking at the video card.”

    (I take off the case to the computer.)

    Mother: “What are you doing?! You said you were looking at the video card!”

    Me: “I have to take the case off to see it.”

    Mother: “I don’t feel comfortable with someone your age working inside my son’s computer.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I am a fully certified technician. I’ve built and sold 3 computers in the past week. I will not harm your computer.”

    Mother: “I will just get my husband to do it, since he is more qualified.”

    Me: “Well, that is fine. For my reference, what are his qualifications?”

    Mother: “He fixes our internet when it goes down.”

    I Dreamed A Dream Of Calls Gone By

    | New Zealand | Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem

    (I work at a place that does repairs for Sony computers, stereos, cameras and the like. Hence, our store has the word ‘Sony’ in the title.)

    Me: “Good morning, [company name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Is that Sony Music?”

    Me: “No, sorry, this is Sony Repairs.”

    Customer: “I’m trying to get through to Simon Cowell. He works with Susan Boyle.”

    Me: “No, sorry. We repair Sony laptops.”

    Customer: “So, you’re not Sony Music. Repairs are no good. Thanks.”

    Needs A Mass Reboot

    | Charleston, SC, USA | Religion, Technology

    (A customer walks up to the counter with a desktop and sets it down.)
    Customer: “Excuse me, are you Catholic?”
    Me: “No.”
    Customer: “Well, I think it’s possessed and it needs an exorcism. Do you have any Catholic workers?”
    Me: “I don’t think so. Maybe I can take a look at it?”
    Customer: “No! You have to be Catholic!” *takes his desktop and leaves*

    iNeed A Raise

    | Charleston, SC, USA | Technology

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “My iPhone doesn’t work, and those idiots in the phone department couldn’t help me.”

    Me: “May I take a look?”

    Customer: “Here it is. It won’t make phone calls.” *hands it to me*

    Me: “Ma’am, this is an iPod Touch.”

    Customer: “That’s exactly what that dumba** in the phone department told me. God, are all you people stupid?! iPods look like this!” *holds up an iPod Classic*

    Me: “That’s an iPod Classic. These are the new touch screen ones. May I see the box it came in?”

    Customer: “What? Here, fine.” *hands me the box*

    Me: “Ma’am, can you read this to me please?”

    (I flip the box to where the label clearly says iPod.)

    Customer: “What, are you blind too?! It says iP-…oh. Oh! Well, don’t I feel like a b****.” *walks off*

    Next customer: “Whatever they’re paying you, it’s not enough.”

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