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    Spyware Is Strength

    | South Carolina, USA | Technology

    (I run my own computer repair business out of my home. A customer has just arrived to pick up their computer, and I am explaining what I have done.)

    Customer: “That didn’t take long. I expected you to have my computer for a few more days.”

    Me: “I didn’t have to do much. You had two nasty viruses and some spyware to remove, but everything is good as new now.”

    Customer: “What? You removed my spyware? No!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “But my computer can’t run without spyware! It keeps Big Brother from watching!”

    (She storms out without paying, and I decide to them her go. Not surprisingly, they come back a few weeks later after gunking up their computer again!)

    Forget-PC-Not

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Technology

    (I’m working as operator for a computer repair shop.)

    Customer: “I’d like to check on the status of my repair, please.”

    (I look her up in our system and her computer has been ready for 48 days.)

    Me: “Ma’am, your computer has been ready for 48 days.”

    Customer: “I know! I forgot all about it. Today, my daughter asked about the computer. I was all, ‘What computer?’”

    Me: “Well, if you could pick it up before the 21st, that would be great. Otherwise, we have to recycle it.”

    Customer: “Don’t do that! I need my computer!”

    Me: “Don’t worry, ma’am. Today’s the 8th. You have some time.”

    Customer: “But what if I forget?”

    Me: “Please don’t!”

    RAIDed Storage

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I need my hard drive put back into my computer.”

    Me: “Okay. Why did you take it out? Is it defective?”

    Customer: “No, and I didn’t.”

    Me: “Well, who did?”

    Customer: “The police…”

    So Stupid It’s Iconic

    | Stevensville, MD, USA |

    Me: “[Business name] Computers. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I can’t get this internet program installed. Can I just have you guys do it?”

    Me: “Sure. Just bring in your computer tower and we’ll take care of that for you.”

    (About fifteen minutes later, the customer comes in the front door carrying his monitor.)

    Me: “Can I help you bring in the rest of your computer, sir?”

    Customer: “Rest of my computer? This is my computer.”

    Me: “Yes, sir. That is just your monitor. It only displays what your computer tells it to. What we need is your tower. It looks like one of these.”

    (I point to several other towers in the store.)

    Customer: “Well, as long as I have this in here, can you remove some of the icons from the screen that I don’t use?”

    Q-Wally-fied

    | VA, USA | Top

    (I am working on replacing a computer at a customer’s house. The customer’s mother walks in.)

    Me: “Okay, I’m going to look at your video card now.”

    Mother: “What are you doing?”

    Me: “Looking at the video card.”

    (I take off the case to the computer.)

    Mother: “What are you doing?! You said you were looking at the video card!”

    Me: “I have to take the case off to see it.”

    Mother: “I don’t feel comfortable with someone your age working inside my son’s computer.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I am a fully certified technician. I’ve built and sold 3 computers in the past week. I will not harm your computer.”

    Mother: “I will just get my husband to do it, since he is more qualified.”

    Me: “Well, that is fine. For my reference, what are his qualifications?”

    Mother: “He fixes our internet when it goes down.”


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