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    Maybe He Was Looking For A Raspberry Pi

    | ME, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I own my own little computer repair shop, and lease it in a building next door to a restaurant. Though it is rare, I do sometimes get people who come into my shop by mistake looking for the restaurant because it offers to order out its food, and often this problem is resolved by me giving them directions to next door. My shop is very much so obviously a computer repair shop with only a desk to drop of your computer and a few displays with replacement parts. I am behind the drop off desk checking which order to work on next, when a customer comes in.)

    Me: “Oh, hi there. Here to pick up an order?”

    Customer: “Yup, I had a order for Ted.”

    Me: *I look up my database and find no orders for Ted.* “Umm, is it perhaps under any other name, or last name?”

    Customer: “No, I definitely put it under Ted.”

    Me: “Hmm, well what did you get done on your system? Maybe I can find it that way?”

    Customer: “Oh I ordered a large pepperoni, well done, with some hot wings.”

    Me: “You mean, like the food?”

    Customer: “…duh! You work in a restaurant. What do you think is here?”

    Me: “No, as you can see…” *I point around my shop* “I run a small computer repair shop.”

    Customer: “Don’t give me that bull-s***! I’m the husband of the owner and if you don’t get me my order I’ll have you fired!”

    (I am amused by this, because since we’ve been neighbors for a few years I know for sure the owner of the restaurant is indeed a woman, but is also a same sex couple with her partner.)

    Me: “Really now? I heard she and her husband broke up.”

    Customer: “No, we didn’t. We’re a loving man and wife. Now get me my d*** food, now!”

    Me: “Sorry. I just can’t do that. It goes against my policies.”

    Customer: “I want to speak to your manager, now!”

    (I call the restaurant and ask if the owner could come over real quick. She does.)

    Owner: “What seems to be—” *comes in and stops almost immediately. at the sight of the customer.*

    Customer: “You’re not the manager of [Restaurant]. You’re just the stupid c*** that thinks you’re clever. I wanna speak to the owner, now!

    Owner: “For the last time, you stupid dolt, this is not [Other Restaurant]. Stop coming to my store and yelling at my employees and customers!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you’ll have to leave now.”

    Customer: “Screw this s***! You’re all stupid f***s! You can all go to h***! I’ll never eat at [Other Restaurant] again! I’ll have your jobs, too!”

    (Both Owner and I were left dumbfounded by the stupidity of this customer. Lucky for me, though, I got a free sandwich for having to deal with the stupid dolt!)

    Must Have Been Smoking A Half-Pipe

    | Denton, TX, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Technology

    (I work the front in a local computer repair shop and am in charge of answering phones and scheduling service. The phone rings and I answer.)

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Do you guys have any skateboards?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry, sir. We are actually a computer repair company.”

    Caller: “Oh…” *long pause* “So, do you guys have any skateboards?”

    Me: “… No, sir. We only sell and work on computers.”

    Caller: “Oh. Okay.” *hangs up*

    Vacation Crime

    | ME, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Technology

    (I work for a computer repair shop which gets a lot of work orders from a big company because we’re nearby and are known for how fast we repair units. We also use receipts for orders that are being picked up by others.)

    Customer: “Hey, I’m here to pick up a computer for [Supervisor].”

    Me: “Do you have the repair receipt for their computer?”

    Customer: “No, just use my ID.” *shows me work ID*

    Me: “Unfortunately, sir, I’m not allowed to give you any computer without a receipt due to security reasons.”

    Customer: *suddenly very angry* “Look! I’m an executive at [Big Company]. I can pick up as many computer orders as I want! Just shut up and do your **** job and give me [Supervisor]‘s computer!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. But regardless of who you are, I cannot give you any computer without a receipt.”

    (The door jingle goes off, meaning another customer has come into the shop.)

    Customer: “That’s it! I’m gonna have your a** fired, you incompetent f***! I’ve never been treated so rudely!”

    Me: “Well, I hate to repeat myself but again, we’re not allo—”.”

    (At this point I notice a police officer and security guard from [Big Company] standing behind the man.)

    Customer: *practically yelling at this point* “What?! Not allowed to give me [Supervisor]‘s computer?! Well, I’ll –”

    Police Officer: “Mr. [Customer]. You’re under arrest for attempted robbery.”

    (The customer turns around to see the two men, and makes a break for the door only to be tackled in seconds and taken away by the police officer.)

    Security Guard: “Can you believe that guy? He quit and threatened to steal [Supervisor]‘s computer all because he didn’t get the vacation time he wanted.”

    Common Sense Has Folded

    | Wilsonville, OR, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Customer: “Where are all my old emails? I had them in the deleted items box so I could refer to them.”

    Me: “They were removed from the deleted items box because they were deleted and you no longer wanted them.”

    Customer: “I store them there so I only have to push a button to get them filed. Also so I can find out who contacted me previously about a construction contract I have in case I get sued.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. They were in the deleted items box and they were deleted to help ease the migration from POP to IMAP.”

    Customer: “Can you restore all my emails?”

    Me: “With your backup I can put them in a folder.”

    Customer: “What’s a folder?”

    Me: “It’s a place to put email you want to save, manually.”

    Customer: “That seems like a lot of extra work. Why can’t I just push a button?”

    Artificial Unintelligence

    | Raleigh, NC, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (It’s near closing. A coworker and I are doing some paperwork when a client comes in.)

    Client: “Do you use WordPress?”

    Coworker: “No.”

    Client: “Then what do you use?”

    Me: “For what exactly?”

    Client: “Web design.”

    Me: “Well, sir, none of us here do any web design.”

    Client: “Then what is the point of your job?”

    Coworker: “We fix computers.”

    Client: “Aw, man. Don’t you know you are gonna be replaced by robots?”

    Me: “What?”

    Client: “Yeah. They got these robots that look just like you or me. They can do everything. They even be secretaries. They can cross their legs and everything.”

    (The client attempts to cross his legs while standing and nearly falls down.)

    Me: “Sir, the robots currently available have very little AI and have mostly just mastered walking.”

    Client: “Man, don’t you know… THE ROBOTS ARE COMING!”

    Coworker: “When the robots break down, who will fix them?”

    Client: “Well, people, I guess.”

    Coworker: “That’s right! Adapt or die, baby!”

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