Before I retired, I worked as a maintenance carpenter at a very nice community college in Southern California. I was also writing and drawing a comic strip about windsurfing that had been accepted by several publications, albeit briefly. I never made much money; I was doing it for fun.

One day at work, I was walking past a drawing class being taught outside by an instructor I was friendly with. He saw me and shouted out:

Instructor: “Hey, [My Name], maybe you should take my class and learn how to draw!”

Me: *Shouting back* “Well, [Instructor], my art has been published in four magazines on two continents. I think I’m doing okay. How about you?”

All his students turned to see what he would reply with. Silence.

During a brief enrollment at a local community college, I was taking a Spanish class. The professor was originally from Mexico which, for some reason, a lot of his students thought was in South America. (Thank you, Kentucky public schooling.)

Eventually, he got so annoyed by this that he decided to have a whole day devoted to nothing but geography, not just to clear up where Mexico actually was, but a full-on “These are the countries in Asia, these are the countries in Europe” lesson.

When he got to Africa and mentioned Libya, a girl sitting next to me turned to her friend.

Girl: “Hey! Libya! That’s similar to labia! You know, that little dangly thing in your throat!”

I swiftly had to leave to avoid laughing like a hyena.

I work at a community college bookstore. During rush, we all have to help the students find the books they need for their schedule. A young woman seems like she is having trouble finding her books.

Me: “Excuse me. Do you need some help?”

Student: “Oh, yes! I’m trying to find my books for Philosophy 101. They should be right around here!”

Me: “They’re a couple of aisles over in the P section.”

I start to lead her over, but she doesn’t move with me.

Me: “Please follow me, and I’ll show you.”

Student: “No, I’m looking for Philosophy. F-I-L-L…” 

She spelled it out, “Fillosophy”. We were in the E section, by the books for English. It took me a good five minutes to convince her that “Philosophy” started with a Ph and not an F. I assume she didn’t graduate.

I used to work the help desk for a local community college. We tried to make signing up for classes easy for users, and the college installed these touchscreen kiosks all around campus for users to log into the web portal and check their schedules and sign up for classes.

A woman called the help desk

Woman: “I’m having trouble signing up for my classes. This kiosk is broken; it’s not responding.”

I tried to troubleshoot the problem with her but was not having any luck. I finally just asked:

Me: “Can you give me the kiosk number displayed at the top of the kiosk? Then I can dispatch a technician to take a look at the problem.”

Woman: “There isn’t one.”

Me: “What building are you in, and what room are you near?”

The floor and building she gave me didn’t ring a bell, so I looked at the map of where all the kiosks were located, and there wasn’t one where she was telling me.

I put the woman on hold, brought up the camera system interface, and went to the hallway where she said she was. There stood a woman in front of an unplugged TV sitting on a TV cart, just tapping away at the screen. I tried not to laugh, but it was pretty funny — especially since she was visibly annoyed with the lack of response from the TV.

I got back on the phone and tried to make light of the situation.

Me: “Ma’am, I just found you on the camera system… and you’re trying to sign up for classes on a TV.”

She hung up the phone and then promptly gave the camera the finger.

I work in the registration department of a community college. I have a conversation like this at least once a month.

Customer: “Hi! I’d like to enroll.”

Me: “Great! Are you in a program?”

Customer: “No. What does that mean?”

Me: “That means you enroll in a program of study and you can get a certificate, diploma, or degree.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t want that. I just want to take classes.”

Me: “All righty, then. What do you want to take?”

Customer: “I don’t know… Normal stuff, I guess?”

Me: “Like math and English classes?”

Customer: “I guess.”

Me: “Okay, sounds good. You’ll need to go to the testing center or provide ACT or SAT scores in order to get placed properly.”

Customer: “No, that sounds too hard. Can’t I just take whatever class I want?”

Me: “No, there’re prerequisites that need to be met so we can make sure you find a class that fits your skill and comprehension levels.”

Customer: “Well, what doesn’t require test scores?”

Me: “I could try to find something in a subject you’re interested in… How about…”

I proceed to name off a dozen subjects only to get a blank stare in return.

Customer: “I just want to take a few classes.”

Me: “…”