College | Chicago, IL, USA
Caller: “Yeah, I wanna come take the test to get into [trade college]. How I get there?”
Me: “Well, sir, where are you coming from?”
Caller: “Huh?”
Me: “Where are you located?”
Caller: “What?”
Me: “You are going to be coming here FROM somewhere. Where will you be coming FROM?”
Caller: “Oh. Um, [town west of Chicago].”
Me: “Okay, that’s very easy. We are right off the expressway.”
Caller: “Huh?”
Me: “We are right off the expressway. You take [expressway] west…”
Caller: “Huh? Suspretsway?”
Me: “EXPRESSWAY. You drive your car on it to get places. So you take the expressway west and get off the Wisconsin freeway junction…”
Caller: “Huh? Junction?”
Me: “Yes, the EXPRESSWAY meets up with another EXPRESSWAY at a JUNCTION and then you get on the Wisconsin….”
Caller: “Huh? West Carl Street?”
Me: “WISCONSIN. Like the state that is directly north of us.”
Caller: “…”
Me: “Sir?”
Caller: “Huh?”
Me: “I’m sorry sir, you are too dumb to take the test.” *click*
College | Boston, MA, USA
(A mother is worriedly telling me her daughter wants to graduate, but may be past the deadline to apply to do so.)
Mom: “She was planning to graduate early, instead of in the Spring! Now you’re telling me she can’t do that?”
Me: “Well, it’s October already, and there is a lot of preparation involved. She wanted to graduate in January ‘09 instead of May?”
Mom: “No, she wants to graduate January ‘08!”
Me: “… That’s in the past, ma’am.”
Mom: “Oh, fine! Well, whatever technical time you go by!”
Tech Support | Indiana, USA
Me: “Thank you for calling tech support, may I have your university user name?”
Caller: “What’s a user’s name?”
Me: “Oh… well, how are you affiliated with [university]?
Caller: “It’s what came up on my screen.”
Me: “Okay… well, I’m sorry, but this help desk is only for students, staff, and faculty of our university.”
Caller: “But the page said to call!”
Me: “Yes. If you’re in any way affiliated with us we’d be happy to help you, but this service is for students, staff, and faculty.
Caller: “But it didn’t say that, it just said to call!”
Me: “Well, I apologize, but you can’t just call any number on the internet and expect support!”
Caller: “Well, why not?!” *hangs up*
Related:
And We Wonder Who Clicks On Spam…
University Library | Durham, NH, USA
Female student: *runs through the university library lobby wearing only a string bikini top, hot pants, and loud flip-flops*
Coworker: “I guess she’s in a hurry.”
Me: “Maybe somebody found her shirt…”
College | Louisiana, USA
(I’m a desk assistant at a college dorm. One day, these two giggly freshman girls come up to me.)
Girl #1: “Ummm… can we, like, borrow your phonebook?”
Me: “Sure thing.”
Girl #1: *flips through the book, looking completely dumbfounded*
Me: “Need help finding something?”
Girl #2: *whispers* “Jason’s is under ‘J’.”
Girl #1: *whispers back* “I know, but sometimes I forget the alphabet…”
Girl #2: “OmiGAWD me too!” *giggle giggle*
(I grab the phonebook and look up their listing.)
Me: “Here–Jason’s.”
Girl #1: “Oh my GAWD thank you! They should really have a college course for, like, phone books! I’m not from this town, so, ya know…”
University Computer Retail | Philadelphia, PA, USA
Me: “Thanks for your purchase. Would you please sign anywhere on the receipt?”
Customer: ”Anywhere?”
Me: “Anywhere.”
Customer: “But there’s no line!”
Me: “That’s right–the printer doesn’t draw a line for this type of receipt, so just sign anywhere on the receipt.”
Customer: “Anywhere?”
Me: “Anywhere.”
Customer: “But there’s no LINE!”
Me: *facepalm*
Related:
Living On The Edge
University Computer Lab | Portland, OR, USA
(A student needed a stack of VHS tapes converted to DVD. The first couple tapes were nothing special but the third looked like the camera had been set up in a hotel room. The three of us working in the lab were wondering if it was even her tape until we saw the student sit down on the bed. Then she laid back. Then someone else stepped into the frame and started taking off her shirt. I ran to the phone to call the student while a crowd gathered in front of the computer.)
Me: “Hi, this is *** from the lab. We’re working on your tapes right now but we’re not quite sure about one of them.”
Her: “What do you mean?”
Me: “Well, one of them seems like it might have slipped into the stack accidentally.”
Her: “One of mine? Wha–OH MY GOD! The sex tape?!”
Me: “That’s what it looks like.”
Her: “Oh my god! Just box it up and hide it. I’ll be right down to pick it up!”
Me: “I’ll pull it right away.”
Her: “Please, don’t let anyone else watch it!”
*people cheer excitedly in the back of the lab*
Me: “Don’t worry, ma’am. I’ve already shut it off.”
College Help Desk | Pittsburgh, PA, USA
(The power went out on campus. We have generator power in some parts of the school, particularly where I am. Then, an admin assistant calls…)
Me: “Help Desk, this is ***, how can I help you?”
Admin Assistant: “How can I shut my computer off?”
Me: “Okay. The beeping you hear in your room is a UPS. It’s going to keep your computer powered on for only about 19 minutes at best, so it’s good you called. Go into your Start menu and shut your computer down through the shut down option.
Admin Assistant: “Okay, where?”
Me: *explains how to shut down a computer*
Admin Assistant: “I don’t see where you’re talking about.”
Me: “Okay, do you see your computer screen?”
Admin Assistant: “No, it’s dark in here. It’s dark everywhere. The power went out.”
Me: “Yes, I know. It’s out all over campus. ”
Admin Assistant: “Yeah, so I can’t see anything in here. My computer is off.”
Me: “Okay… your computer is off? Then why did you call? What do you need?”
Admin Assistant: “I don’t know. I just wanted to know how to shut my computer down.”
(I’m not kidding. This really happened. I’ve read similar stories on other web sites. But this is actually what happened to me when I was working a university help desk. Computer Science department, no less.)
College | Bloomington, IN, USA
Dorm resident: “Hi. What’s the policy on moving out? When do we have to be out by?”
Me: “Saturday morning by 10 AM, at the latest. We’d really prefer if you could make arrangements to be out sooner, though.”
Dorm resident: “Well…what about later than that?”
Me: “I’m sorry, that’s not possible. We’re starting a rather large remodeling project that’s on a very tight schedule. They need to get started that morning. If you are here past 10, you’ll be charged the improper checkout fee.”
Dorm resident: “So…what about, like, 10:30?”
Me: “Uhh…that’s later than 10, isn’t it? If you want to get very technical about it, you’d be guilty of trespassing at that point, and the police would be helping you move out.”
(For the record, that’s not entirely true, but we’ve been encouraged to say that to convince the little darlings to get out.)
Dorm resident: “Well, that’s just not fair! What if it’s an emergency?”
Me: “You’re planning to have an emergency over a week in advance?”
Dorm resident: “F**k you.”
College | Houston, TX, USA
(During a heated debate in my Sociology class about the pros and cons of immigration, the discussion turned to illegal immigration.)
Student: “I pay my taxes. If I have to pay sales tax, I think they should too!”
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