Relatively Misspeaking

| London, UK | Uncategorized

Me: “Your next of kin is listed as your ‘cousin’s sister’?”

Student: “Yes.”

Me: “You do realize your cousin’s sister is still your cousin right?”

Student: “No, it’s my cousin’s sister.”

Me: “That’s still your cousin.”

Student: “No, it’s my first cousin’s sister!”

Social Notworking

, | Arizona, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, School

Me: “Good morning! ASU Information.”

Caller: “Umm, yeah, hi. Where am I?”

Me: “You have reached the ASU information desk. How can I help you?”

Caller: “No. I mean, like, where am I?”

Me: “Could you be more specific please?”

Caller: “Dude, I don’t know where I am. Can you find me?”

Me: “Are there people near you?”

Caller: “Um, yeah.”

Me: “Do any of them know where you are?”

Caller: “How do I find that out?”

Me: “Walk up to one of them, smile, and ask them if they know where you are.”

Caller: “Okay, thanks!” *fumbling around, muffled talking, phone beeping* “You are so awesome; it worked! Thanks!”

Someone Has Major Issues

| New York City, NY, USA | School

(I’m a peer advisor at my college, which includes figuring out what the student is looking for to best service them before we send them to an advisor. This conversation happens about 4-5 times a month.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Student: “I want to talk to an advisor.”

Me: “Okay, about general education requirements or major requirements?”

Student: “Major requirements.”

Me: “Okay, for that you actually have to go to the major department and meet with an advisor there. We can only cover general education requirements here.”

Student: “But I want to speak to an advisor.”

Me: “Yeah, but for that you have to speak to someone in that department.”

Student: “Okay. Well, where is it?”

Me: “The department?”

Student: “That’s what I said.”

Me: “Well, what’s your major?”

Student: “Can I please just speak to an advisor?”

Me: “Well, I can’t help you figure out where that is until you tell me what your major is.”

Student: “I just want to talk to someone! Can’t I just see someone here?”

Me: “Well, like I said, we can only advise you on your general education requirements, so—”

Student: “Yes! That’s what I want to talk to someone about!”

Me: “Okay, let me sign you in. Someone will be with you in just a bit.”

(The student signs in and huffs off to a seat to wait. A coworker of mine takes the student after I’ve warned him about what happened. Less than a minute later, I see the student stomping out of our office. My coworker comes back to the front desk.)

Me: “Major requirements?”

Coworker: “Yup.”

Not A Shred Of Intelligence

, | Orange County, NY, USA | School, Top, Wild & Unruly

(It’s finals week and a student approaches our help desk.)

Student: “Your copy machine isn’t working. My papers wont come out.”

Me: “It’s probably jammed. I’ll have my coworker fix that for you.”

(My coworker follows the student to the copy machines. After a few minutes, the student runs by me in tears. My coworker comes back a few moments later.)

Me: “What happened?!”

Coworker: “She used the shredder instead of the copy machine.”

Your Degree Doesn’t Add Up To Much

| Glasgow, Scotland, UK | Math & Science, Money

Me: “Sir, a drink costs £1.85 and you’ve given me £1.70.”

Customer: “So, that’s not enough?”

Me: “It’s a good start…”

Customer: “But I study mathematics!”

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