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    Words Fail Me

    | Michigan, USA | School

    (A student comes in to the Registrar’s office to pick up a transcript. After discovering that she never placed an order, I tell her to place the order so that it will be ready in the afternoon. After checking the system over the course of several hours and not seeing the order, I call the student.)

    Me: “Yes, I see you still have not placed your order.”

    Student: “I placed it hours ago!”

    Me: “Uh oh, I hope something is not wrong with our system. Did you get confirmation that the order went through?”

    Student: “Yes! I still have it up right here on my screen. It says right here: ‘Transaction Failed’!”

    TLDNStudy

    | Massachusetts, USA | School

    (I work at a university; note that it is generally considered very academically competitive.)

    Student: “I think there’s a hold on my account.”

    Me: “Yes, health services put a registration hold on your account because they don’t have your immunization—”

    Student: “Wait, that’s a big word! I don’t know what that means!”

    Staying (Six Feet) Under The Radar

    | Orono, ME, USA | Family & Kids

    (Note: I work at a college financial aid office, and am speaking with the parents of a student.)

    Parent: “And why do you need my information?”

    Me: “We need the parents’ information for dependent students because they are still technically relying on their parents.”

    Parent: “What if I was dead?”

    Me: “But sir, you’re not dead.”

    Parent: “But what if I was dead? What if I die?”

    Me: “Well, sir, both parents would need to die and you are, in fact, not dead.”

    Parent: *angrily* “Fine, I’ll send the information!” *click*

    The Great District of Confusion

    , | Bakersfield, CA | Geography, School

    (I am a student working in the on campus bookstore. A customer comes in and approaches me.)

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I need a map of Washington.”

    Me: “Washington state or Washington, D.C.?”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Do you need a map for Washington state or Washington, D.C.?”

    Customer: *confused* “What’s the difference, and what do you mean by D.C.?”

    Me: “Well, one is a state above Oregon on the West coast, and the other—Washington, D.C.—is an area on the east coast. ‘D.C.’ stands for District of Columbia.”

    Customer: “No, not in Colombia! In America!”

    Me: “Ma’am, Washington, D.C. is in America. That is what it is called.”

    Customer: “I don’t think you know what you’re talking about. I just need a map of Washington for my political science class.”

    Me: “Ah, then I’ll get you a map of Washington, D.C.”

    Customer: “I think you’re wrong. I am going to tell my professor you guys are giving out maps of Colombia!” *walks away looking very annoyed*

    Related:
    Make Benefit Glorious Guestlogisticstan
    The Great State Of Confusion, Part 2
    The Great State Of Confusion
    The Great State Of Ignorance

    Wherever Knowledge Is Distributed

    | Nova Scotia, Canada | School

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Student: “I can’t find my professor’s office.”

    Me: “Do you have an office number?”

    Student: “Yeah. It’s 412.”

    Me: “Well, that’s just down the hallway.”

    Student: “I tried. That’s not his office.”

    Me: “Is he a political science professor or a modern languages professor?

    Student: “Neither. Geology.”

    Me: “Are you sure he’s in this building?”

    Student: “No.”

    Me: “What building is he in?”

    Student: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “There are lots of buildings on campus.”

    Student: “I know.”

    Me: “What made you think it was this one?”

    Student: “I don’t know…”


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