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    Staying (Six Feet) Under The Radar

    | Orono, ME, USA | Family & Kids

    (Note: I work at a college financial aid office, and am speaking with the parents of a student.)

    Parent: “And why do you need my information?”

    Me: “We need the parents’ information for dependent students because they are still technically relying on their parents.”

    Parent: “What if I was dead?”

    Me: “But sir, you’re not dead.”

    Parent: “But what if I was dead? What if I die?”

    Me: “Well, sir, both parents would need to die and you are, in fact, not dead.”

    Parent: *angrily* “Fine, I’ll send the information!” *click*

    The Great District of Confusion

    , | Bakersfield, CA | Geography, School

    (I am a student working in the on campus bookstore. A customer comes in and approaches me.)

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I need a map of Washington.”

    Me: “Washington state or Washington, D.C.?”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Do you need a map for Washington state or Washington, D.C.?”

    Customer: *confused* “What’s the difference, and what do you mean by D.C.?”

    Me: “Well, one is a state above Oregon on the West coast, and the other—Washington, D.C.—is an area on the east coast. ‘D.C.’ stands for District of Columbia.”

    Customer: “No, not in Colombia! In America!”

    Me: “Ma’am, Washington, D.C. is in America. That is what it is called.”

    Customer: “I don’t think you know what you’re talking about. I just need a map of Washington for my political science class.”

    Me: “Ah, then I’ll get you a map of Washington, D.C.”

    Customer: “I think you’re wrong. I am going to tell my professor you guys are giving out maps of Colombia!” *walks away looking very annoyed*

    Related:
    Make Benefit Glorious Guestlogisticstan
    The Great State Of Confusion, Part 2
    The Great State Of Confusion
    The Great State Of Ignorance

    Wherever Knowledge Is Distributed

    | Nova Scotia, Canada | School

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Student: “I can’t find my professor’s office.”

    Me: “Do you have an office number?”

    Student: “Yeah. It’s 412.”

    Me: “Well, that’s just down the hallway.”

    Student: “I tried. That’s not his office.”

    Me: “Is he a political science professor or a modern languages professor?

    Student: “Neither. Geology.”

    Me: “Are you sure he’s in this building?”

    Student: “No.”

    Me: “What building is he in?”

    Student: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “There are lots of buildings on campus.”

    Student: “I know.”

    Me: “What made you think it was this one?”

    Student: “I don’t know…”

    Nothing To Be Alarmed About

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (This happens while I’m working security for my college. I am a volunteer assisting with the fire drills during morning classes. I run into one of the faculty members while checking the 4th floor of a building to make sure it has been evacuated.)

    Faculty: *mouths something at me from the end of the hall*

    (Note that the alarms are blaring and it is impossible to hear anything unless it is yelled.)

    Me: *speaking at the top of my voice* “ Ma’am, you need to evacuate the building!”

    Faculty: *takes a couple steps closer to me, still obviously trying to say something, but very quietly*

    Me: “I’m sorry? I can’t hear you with the fire alarms going off!”

    (The faculty member continues trying to speak to me from across the hall until I finally walk right next to her and let her talk right into my ear.)

    Faculty: “Do those alarms mean that we have to leave?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Fishing For Savings

    | Utah, USA |

    (I work in the admissions office of a large university, sitting near the residency window. People frequently come in to dispute being ruled a non-resident for tuition purposes, which results in higher tuition.)

    Student: “I was ruled a non-resident and I’m a resident?”

    Me: “Well, just let me see your ID and I’ll pull up your file and we can take a look.”

    (I pull up the file on my computer.)

    Me: “It says on your application that you’ve only been here six months and you still have an out-of-state driver’s license. To be classified as a resident, you need to have lived in-state for at least 12 months and have a Utah driver’s license.”

    Student: “That’s crap! I have a Utah fishing license. Doesn’t that count for anything?!”


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