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    Ph.Duh, Part 2

    , | Grand Rapids, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Top

    (I work at the college IT department. One day, I get a phone call from a professor.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling the help desk. How may we help you?”

    Professor: “My computer is making a beeping sound. I can’t get it to stop. Can you send someone to fix it?”

    Me: “Sure, I’ll be right over.”

    (I arrive at the professor’s office.)

    Professor: “I don’t understand why it is doing this. It has never done this before.”

    (I notice a rather large book on top of his keyboard.)

    Me: “Sir, you can’t leave objects on top of your keyboard. That is what causes the beeping.”

    (I remove the book.)

    Professor: *embarrassed* “Oh.”

    (This professor is the department chair of the Computer Science division of the college. He has a Ph.D in Computer Science.)

    Related:
    Ph.Duh

    Relatively Misspeaking

    | London, UK |

    Me: “Your next of kin is listed as your ‘cousin’s sister’?”

    Student: “Yes.”

    Me: “You do realize your cousin’s sister is still your cousin right?”

    Student: “No, it’s my cousin’s sister.”

    Me: “That’s still your cousin.”

    Student: “No, it’s my first cousin’s sister!”

    Social Notworking

    , | Arizona, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, School

    Me: “Good morning! ASU Information.”

    Caller: “Umm, yeah, hi. Where am I?”

    Me: “You have reached the ASU information desk. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “No. I mean, like, where am I?”

    Me: “Could you be more specific please?”

    Caller: “Dude, I don’t know where I am. Can you find me?”

    Me: “Are there people near you?”

    Caller: “Um, yeah.”

    Me: “Do any of them know where you are?”

    Caller: “How do I find that out?”

    Me: “Walk up to one of them, smile, and ask them if they know where you are.”

    Caller: “Okay, thanks!” *fumbling around, muffled talking, phone beeping* “You are so awesome; it worked! Thanks!”

    Someone Has Major Issues

    | New York City, NY, USA | School

    (I’m a peer advisor at my college, which includes figuring out what the student is looking for to best service them before we send them to an advisor. This conversation happens about 4-5 times a month.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Student: “I want to talk to an advisor.”

    Me: “Okay, about general education requirements or major requirements?”

    Student: “Major requirements.”

    Me: “Okay, for that you actually have to go to the major department and meet with an advisor there. We can only cover general education requirements here.”

    Student: “But I want to speak to an advisor.”

    Me: “Yeah, but for that you have to speak to someone in that department.”

    Student: “Okay. Well, where is it?”

    Me: “The department?”

    Student: “That’s what I said.”

    Me: “Well, what’s your major?”

    Student: “Can I please just speak to an advisor?”

    Me: “Well, I can’t help you figure out where that is until you tell me what your major is.”

    Student: “I just want to talk to someone! Can’t I just see someone here?”

    Me: “Well, like I said, we can only advise you on your general education requirements, so—”

    Student: “Yes! That’s what I want to talk to someone about!”

    Me: “Okay, let me sign you in. Someone will be with you in just a bit.”

    (The student signs in and huffs off to a seat to wait. A coworker of mine takes the student after I’ve warned him about what happened. Less than a minute later, I see the student stomping out of our office. My coworker comes back to the front desk.)

    Me: “Major requirements?”

    Coworker: “Yup.”

    Not A Shred Of Intelligence

    , | Orange County, NY, USA | School, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (It’s finals week and a student approaches our help desk.)

    Student: “Your copy machine isn’t working. My papers wont come out.”

    Me: “It’s probably jammed. I’ll have my coworker fix that for you.”

    (My coworker follows the student to the copy machines. After a few minutes, the student runs by me in tears. My coworker comes back a few moments later.)

    Me: “What happened?!”

    Coworker: “She used the shredder instead of the copy machine.”

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