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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Barking Up The Wrong Tree

    | Florida, USA |

    Me: “Good afternoon, AV Services, how can I help you?”

    Very Angry Caller: “Yeah, I just flew in on Flight *** from Cleveland, and you lost my luggage.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you have the wrong number. This is the University of ***.”

    Very Angry Caller: “No it’s not! You’re just saying that!”

    Me: “No, really, sir. Our phone number is very close to the airport’s number.”

    Very Angry Caller: “LISTEN! YOU LOST MY &^#% LUGGAGE! YOU NEED TO FIND IT!”

    Me: “Sir, I don’t have your luggage.”

    Very Angry Caller: “STOP F^&%* LYING! I WANT TO TALK TO YOUR SUPERVISOR!”

    Me: “My supervisor is Mr. ***. But I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have your luggage either. We could probably get you a DVD player or a slide projector.”

    (Very Angry Caller starts cussing randomly. I hang up.)

    That’s, Like, Mean

    | Oregon, USA | Top

    Student: “So, like, um, you wrote on my paper that I wrote like, I, like spoke…but you only gave me 2 out of 10 points.

    Me: “You used ‘like’ 56 times and ‘that’ 87.”

    Student: “Um, why is that a problem??”

    Me: “It was a 2 page writing assignment.”

    Student: “So…um…since I talked with you, um…can I have some more points?”

    As Opposed To The Ones That You Can, Like, Smoke?

    , | Oregon, USA | Top

    (At a library, completely surrounded by books…)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help?”

    College Student: “Where are the books that you can, like, read?”

    Me: ????

    I Sense A Rejection Letter

    , | Mount Vernon, IA, USA |

    Me: “Hi, my name is ***** at ******** College, and I’m calling this evening to talk to ***** about her college search. Is she available?”

    Older man who answered: “Sorry, she’s still got a few weeks left in jail.”

    Me: “Uh…okay. Would you mind just taking down a couple pieces of contact information for her?”

    Man: “I could take it, but I just don’t know how well it’d go, what with all the drugs she’s on right now.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, is this a joke?”

    Man: “No, no joke…”

    Underwater Basketweaving, B.A.

    | Unknown Location |

    Customer: “Can I have a banana?”

    Me: “Sure.” *I ring her up and give her a banana*

    Customer: “Uh, actually.. could I have a more ripe banana?”

    (I hand her a very yellow banana with faint spots on it.)

    Customer: “No, no, a RIPER banana. Like, a greener one.”

    (I stare at her for a second, get a greener banana, and watch her walk away wondering how she got into college.)

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