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    Yeah, If You’re In The Roman Empire

    | Spokane, WA, USA |

    (Girl walks up to the desk looking around, confused. It is Ash Wednesday, and I work at a Catholic university.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Girl: “Yes, can I ask you a question?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Girl: “Why does everyone have crosses on their foreheads?”

    Me: “…it’s Ash Wednesday.”

    Girl: “Oh. I thought they were part of a cult or something.”

    Zero Short Term Memory, Part 2

    , | New Brunswick, NJ, USA |

    (There is an ID check to enter the lab and to print.)

    Me: “Hi, can I see your ID please?”

    Guy: “No, I don’t need ID to come in here.”

    Me: “Yes, at this lab it is required.”

    Guy: “But I don’t need an ID to come in!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I really need your ID or I can’t let you come into the lab.”

    Guy: “Oh I need ID to come in? Why didn’t you just ask me for it?!”

    Me: *headdesk*

    Related:
    Zero Short Term Memory
    Short Term Memory Is For The Weak

    Tomorrow’s Leaders, Indeed

    , | Central Illinois, USA | Top

    (I work tech support for a university, and our help desk supports faculty/staff only. On this day, a student walks in.)

    Student: “I’m here to turn in my paper.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, this is the *** Faculty Help Desk, we don’t deal with student assignments.”

    Student: “But I don’t know where to turn it in. Can’t you just turn it in for me?”

    Me: “No, if you don’t know where to turn it in, I would certainly not have a clue.”

    Student: “But can’t you just take it?”

    Me: “No. If you’re really that confused, contact your professor or go to the department office. I’m sure they can help you.”

    Student: “But can’t you just take it?”

    Me: *blinks in disbelief* “Um…”

    Student: “Please, take it!”

    Me: “Ok.”

    (I proceed to take it and place it in the recycle bin in front of her.)

    Student: “Thank you so much!”

    Barking Up The Wrong Tree

    | Florida, USA |

    Me: “Good afternoon, AV Services, how can I help you?”

    Very Angry Caller: “Yeah, I just flew in on Flight *** from Cleveland, and you lost my luggage.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you have the wrong number. This is the University of ***.”

    Very Angry Caller: “No it’s not! You’re just saying that!”

    Me: “No, really, sir. Our phone number is very close to the airport’s number.”

    Very Angry Caller: “LISTEN! YOU LOST MY &^#% LUGGAGE! YOU NEED TO FIND IT!”

    Me: “Sir, I don’t have your luggage.”

    Very Angry Caller: “STOP F^&%* LYING! I WANT TO TALK TO YOUR SUPERVISOR!”

    Me: “My supervisor is Mr. ***. But I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have your luggage either. We could probably get you a DVD player or a slide projector.”

    (Very Angry Caller starts cussing randomly. I hang up.)

    That’s, Like, Mean

    | Oregon, USA | Top

    Student: “So, like, um, you wrote on my paper that I wrote like, I, like spoke…but you only gave me 2 out of 10 points.

    Me: “You used ‘like’ 56 times and ‘that’ 87.”

    Student: “Um, why is that a problem??”

    Me: “It was a 2 page writing assignment.”

    Student: “So…um…since I talked with you, um…can I have some more points?”

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