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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • A Woman Of Few Words

    , | Midwest, USA |

    (I was in our technology support office when a housekeeping staff person, Donna, stopped by. There was no preamble to the dialog below.)

    Donna: “Dr. Franklin gets e-mail in his office.”

    Me: *nods*

    Donna: “Alicia says she can check her e-mail in the office.”

    Me: *nods*

    Donna: “I like e-mail.”

    Me: “Nice.”

    Donna: “Nice?”

    Me: “Not nice?”

    Donna: “I like e-mail.”

    Me: “I like e-mail, too.”

    Donna: “You don’t have it?”

    Me: “I do.”

    Donna: “I like e-mail.”

    Me: *biting lower lip, uncertain what to say or do*

    Donna: “I like e-mail.”

    Me: *glancing at the clock on the wall*

    Donna: “I like to have e-mail.”

    Me: “I like having e-mail, too, and I check it all the time.”

    Donna: “Can I have it? I like to have e-mail.”

    Related:
    The Art Of Ambiguity

    How About We Change His Diaper Too

    | Atlanta, GA, USA |

    Me: “[University name], how may I transfer your call?”

    Lady: “Yes, my son missed his first day of class and for some reason the class room has changed and he can’t find it.”

    Me: “He can come into the computer lab and look up his schedule to verify which room the class is located.”

    Lady: “He is on campus right now wandering around and no one is helping him. He is already late for class, and it is your fault. Can you go find him and take him to his class?”

    Me: “…we don’t provide those services. He can come look he schedule and then go to class.”

    Lady: “Urgh!” *click*

    Yeah, If You’re In The Roman Empire

    | Spokane, WA, USA |

    (Girl walks up to the desk looking around, confused. It is Ash Wednesday, and I work at a Catholic university.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Girl: “Yes, can I ask you a question?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Girl: “Why does everyone have crosses on their foreheads?”

    Me: “…it’s Ash Wednesday.”

    Girl: “Oh. I thought they were part of a cult or something.”

    Zero Short Term Memory, Part 2

    , | New Brunswick, NJ, USA |

    (There is an ID check to enter the lab and to print.)

    Me: “Hi, can I see your ID please?”

    Guy: “No, I don’t need ID to come in here.”

    Me: “Yes, at this lab it is required.”

    Guy: “But I don’t need an ID to come in!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I really need your ID or I can’t let you come into the lab.”

    Guy: “Oh I need ID to come in? Why didn’t you just ask me for it?!”

    Me: *headdesk*

    Related:
    Zero Short Term Memory
    Short Term Memory Is For The Weak

    Tomorrow’s Leaders, Indeed

    , | Central Illinois, USA | Top

    (I work tech support for a university, and our help desk supports faculty/staff only. On this day, a student walks in.)

    Student: “I’m here to turn in my paper.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, this is the *** Faculty Help Desk, we don’t deal with student assignments.”

    Student: “But I don’t know where to turn it in. Can’t you just turn it in for me?”

    Me: “No, if you don’t know where to turn it in, I would certainly not have a clue.”

    Student: “But can’t you just take it?”

    Me: “No. If you’re really that confused, contact your professor or go to the department office. I’m sure they can help you.”

    Student: “But can’t you just take it?”

    Me: *blinks in disbelief* “Um…”

    Student: “Please, take it!”

    Me: “Ok.”

    (I proceed to take it and place it in the recycle bin in front of her.)

    Student: “Thank you so much!”

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