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    The Lost And Take Whatever I Want

    | Norway |

    Caller: “Hi, I lost my cellphone this weekend. I was wondering if you’d found it?”

    Me: “Well, maybe. What does it look like?”

    Caller: “It’s a black Nokia; orange on the sides.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but your phone is not here.”

    Caller: “Oh. Well…can I come by and just, like, take another one?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Caller: “Well, you know, since I’ve lost my phone and all, and it’s not like the phones you have is anyone’s property…”

    Me: “Ehm…well..how would you feel if I gave your phone away to someone else?”

    Caller: *silence* “Well that would be kinda rude.”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Caller: *more silence* *click*

    A Woman Of Few Words

    , | Midwest, USA |

    (I was in our technology support office when a housekeeping staff person, Donna, stopped by. There was no preamble to the dialog below.)

    Donna: “Dr. Franklin gets e-mail in his office.”

    Me: *nods*

    Donna: “Alicia says she can check her e-mail in the office.”

    Me: *nods*

    Donna: “I like e-mail.”

    Me: “Nice.”

    Donna: “Nice?”

    Me: “Not nice?”

    Donna: “I like e-mail.”

    Me: “I like e-mail, too.”

    Donna: “You don’t have it?”

    Me: “I do.”

    Donna: “I like e-mail.”

    Me: *biting lower lip, uncertain what to say or do*

    Donna: “I like e-mail.”

    Me: *glancing at the clock on the wall*

    Donna: “I like to have e-mail.”

    Me: “I like having e-mail, too, and I check it all the time.”

    Donna: “Can I have it? I like to have e-mail.”

    Related:
    The Art Of Ambiguity

    How About We Change His Diaper Too

    | Atlanta, GA, USA |

    Me: “[University name], how may I transfer your call?”

    Lady: “Yes, my son missed his first day of class and for some reason the class room has changed and he can’t find it.”

    Me: “He can come into the computer lab and look up his schedule to verify which room the class is located.”

    Lady: “He is on campus right now wandering around and no one is helping him. He is already late for class, and it is your fault. Can you go find him and take him to his class?”

    Me: “…we don’t provide those services. He can come look he schedule and then go to class.”

    Lady: “Urgh!” *click*

    Yeah, If You’re In The Roman Empire

    | Spokane, WA, USA |

    (Girl walks up to the desk looking around, confused. It is Ash Wednesday, and I work at a Catholic university.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Girl: “Yes, can I ask you a question?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Girl: “Why does everyone have crosses on their foreheads?”

    Me: “…it’s Ash Wednesday.”

    Girl: “Oh. I thought they were part of a cult or something.”

    Zero Short Term Memory, Part 2

    , | New Brunswick, NJ, USA |

    (There is an ID check to enter the lab and to print.)

    Me: “Hi, can I see your ID please?”

    Guy: “No, I don’t need ID to come in here.”

    Me: “Yes, at this lab it is required.”

    Guy: “But I don’t need an ID to come in!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I really need your ID or I can’t let you come into the lab.”

    Guy: “Oh I need ID to come in? Why didn’t you just ask me for it?!”

    Me: *headdesk*

    Related:
    Zero Short Term Memory
    Short Term Memory Is For The Weak


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