Closing Time Is Not In Their Books

| Denver, CO, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

Me: “Hello. Thank you for calling the Student Center. How can I help you today?”

Customer: *sighs* “When the h*** does the bookstore close?”

Me: “Let”s see… The bookstore closes at 5:00 pm, sir.”

Customer: “Then why the h*** didn’t they pick up their phone?! I’ve called four times!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it is now 5:47, so the bookstore has been closed for nearly 50 minutes. Can I help you with anything?”

Customer: “Well, why the f*** aren’t they open until 6:30?! This is bull-s***!”

Me: “Well, sir, I believe the bookstore has shortened store hours. They will resume normal hours in September. I apologize if this has caused any inconvenience.”

Customer: *breathing heavily and getting worked up* “Well, transfer me to the manager. Jesus Christ!”

Me: “Upon looking online, sir, I see that the manager does not have a direct line. I am sorry, you will have to call the bookstore during normal business hours.”

Customer: “WELL, THE WEBSITE IS WRONG!” *hangs up*

Unable To Make Contact

| MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, School, Technology

(I work in the IT Help Desk of a university.)

Caller: “I’m calling about the homepage for the university.”

Me: “Okay…”

Caller: “It’s terrible! I can’t see any contact information on the page at all!”

Me: “Is it [website URL]?”

Caller: “I don’t know! I’m not on that site now!”

Me: “Okay, can you tell me the URL to the site you’re having this issue with?”

Caller: “No! Your homepage doesn’t have any contact information! It’s terrible!”

Me: “Well, I’m on the [website URL], which is what our homepage is, and there is contact information at the bottom of the page.”

Caller: “That’s not good enough! You don’t have contact information on the page!”

Me: “Yes, we do. It’s at the bottom of the page.”

Caller: “Well, I’m a Harvard graduate and as an educated person, I didn’t think to look down there, so obviously the page is terrible.”

Me: “Okay, well, at the bottom of the page-”

Caller: “You’re telling me there’s the information there but I didn’t see it?!”

Me: “What I’m trying to say is that it has a place to comment on the page. If you click-”

Caller: “I’m telling you about this!”

Me: “Okay, but I don’t run the website. So, if you click-”

Caller: “This is a business call! I will never call again! I’m just trying to tell you the website sucks!”

Me: “Well, thanks for letting us know. Have a great day.”

Be-Wear Open Questions

| Memphis, TN, USA | Bizarre, Rude & Risque

(I work once a week at the help desk answering calls for students, alumni and guests. This exchange happened after I helped an elderly student change his password. Since this is my first day of work, I have a team leader shadowing my calls.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can do for you today?”

Client: “Yes, ma’am… Whatcha wearing this evening?”

Team Leader: *muffled giggling*

Me: *bewildered* “Uh… I’m sorry, what?”

Client: “What are you wearing? I’m serious.”

Me: *struggling to muffle my laughter* “Standard work clothes, sir.”

Client: “Well, you shouldn’t be leaving yourself open to questions like that, little lady. It gets ya in trouble. You have a good day.” *hangs up*

(I took myself out of the queue and my team leader and I spent a good five minutes laughing.)

Questionable Behavior

| Pullman, WA, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, School

(While I am a student I work as a tour guide for prospective students.)

Me: “Now if you have any questions. Feel free to ask me anything that doesn’t violate my fifth amendment rights!”

(A good portion of the groups laugh as expected. The tour continues with me answering the occasional question. A mother of a high-school girl has one.)

Mother: “What are your enrollment numbers?”

Me: “Our undergrad enrollment is [number]. If you count grad students it goes up to [higher number].”

Mother: “Thank you.”

(Several minutes later, this same mother asks another questions.)

Mother: “Where are the dining halls and how many options do they serve?”

Me: “Well, ma’am…”

(I proceed to give her every piece of info I can about meal plans, the dining locations, and even the specific food items. Several more minutes into the tour…)

Mother: “I heard that last year you had a swine flu epidemic and had to shut down the school!”

(At this point I wonder if she is clueless or deliberately trying to get a question I can’t answer.)

Me: “Actually, several students were diagnosed but nowhere near an epidemic.”

Mother: “How do you know? I heard they had to cancel two football games here!”

Me: “Ma’am, I go to every home football game. If they really did cancel a football game then I have no idea what I was watching.”

(Some of the other parents are trying to contain their laughter, and even this woman’s daughter looks embarrassed at her mom)

Mother: “Fine.” *looks around and then points* “WHAT KIND OF BIRD IS THAT!?”

(The rest of the group as this point cannot believe this is happening.)

Me: “If we look at that bird, we can clearly see that’s a magpie, which my friend pointed out to me last week. Now moving on…”

(At this point the mother pulls out a phone as we continue and about two minutes later I hear the daughter.)

Daughter: “See? It was a magpie! Now, will you please stop!?”

There’s A Twist At The End

, | AR, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, School

(I serve ice cream on a buffet line in the college’s cafeteria. There’s vanilla, chocolate, and twist on the soft serve machine.)

Student: “Can I have some soft serve vanilla ice cream?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we ran out.”

Student: “Oh. Then can I have the twist?”

Page 2/2412345...Last