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    More Importantly, Who’s Getting The Czech

    | Rome, GA, USA | Food & Drink

    (I overhear this as I am getting dinner.)

    Girl 1: “Hey, if you wanna grab us a table, I’m going to go see what they’re serving today.”

    Girl 2: “Okay.”

    Girl 1: *comes back* “Hey, what is a Pollock?”

    Girl 2: “I’m pretty sure it’s a person of Polish decent. Why?”

    Girl 1: “Oh, I guess they’re frying them over there by the cabbage.”

    (The sign says ‘Fried Potluck’.)

    Freedom Of Screech

    | North Carolina, USA | Religion, School, Top

    (I’m an Admissions Officer and am working at a college fair. We are not religiously affiliated. I run into an alum.)

    Me: “Hi, is your daughter interested in [college]?”

    Alum: “I’m an alum. Class of ’83.”

    Me: “Fantastic!  I’m Class of ’04. Can I answer any questions for you?”

    Alum: “I won’t be letting my daughter look here. I have some issues with how [college] is being run. God is not happy with you, and neither am I.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. If you’d like, I’d be happy to take your comment back to the Vice President of-”

    Alum: “Are you aware that you let in students with liberal views and speakers with socialist leanings?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we have a great deal of speakers on campus with a variety of view points.”

    Alum: “The school has gone downhill since we let in those people! So I’ve stopped giving money. You can take that back to them. You’ll no longer see my $25 a year.”

    Me: “Ma’am, as an alum myself, I’m proud to have graduated from a school that encourages both freedom of thought and speech in our students and speakers.”

    Alum: “You don’t need freedom of speech if you let Jesus think for you.”

    Not Getting The Picture

    | Melbourne, Australia | Technology

    (I work in the IT department, on part of the university’s website.)

    Customer: “Can you help me? I tried to print out this webpage, and none of the images showed up!”

    Me: “Sounds like it might be a problem with your printer.”

    Customer: “Is it because the images are stuck inside the internet and the printer can’t get them out?”

    Studying Post-Grammatic Stress

    | Bozeman, MT, USA |

    (I work for the university Psychology department where several labs have students participate in experiments. A girl is wandering around the hall looking lost.)

    Me: “Excuse me, but you look a little lost. Can I help you find something?”

    Volunteer: “Yeah, I signed up to participate in an experiment, but I don’t remember which one or what the requirements were.”

    Me: “Alright, that’s fine. We can look you up on one of our computers. Can I have your name?”

    Volunteer: “[Name].”

    (I go to the office computer and her name, the experiment and the requirements.)

    Me: “Alright, well it looks like you’re going to be in the lab down the hall and the only requirement is that you should be a native English speaker.”

    Volunteer: “Oh, but I don’t know that language.”

    Me: “What language?”

    Volunteer: “Native English, I’m not familiar with that language, only regular English. I’ll just go tell them I can’t do it. Thanks!”

    Alternative 5-Year Calling Plan

    | Georgia, USA |

    (I am at the Admissions office at my University. A co-worker leaves a message with a younger kid telling them they’d “call back later” to speak to the adult.)

    Me: “Hello, [college]?”

    Caller: “Oh, this is a college?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am?”

    Caller: “Well then why were you telling my kid you were coming to our house?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t know what you mean.”

    Caller: “Someone called my house the other day from this number and told my 5-year-old daughter that they would “come over later.” Why would anyone be coming over later?”

    Me: “I believe they probably said “Call back later.” That’s what we usually say if a younger child answers the phone.”

    Caller: “Oh, so now you think my 5-year-old is dumb?”

    Me: “I never said that ma’am, we just usually don’t leave messages with young children.”

    Caller: “If my daughter couldn’t take a message, I wouldn’t let her answer the phone!”

    Me: “Well, with all due respect ma’am, she did tell you we said we would come to your house, which is not correct at all.”

    Caller: “Yeah, well your people should speak more clearly, she’s only 5! She gets things wrong sometimes!”

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